Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie not getting married

June 8th, 2006 // 127 Comments

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt said in a press conference yesterday they had no plans of getting married anytime soon, saying they want to concentrate on taking care of their three children instead. Angelina says:

“There is nothing in the air. The focus is the kids, and we are obviously extremely committed to the children and as parents together. So that kind of says it for us, and to have a ceremony on top of it is nothing.”

It’s weird to see two people so committed to destroying typical family structures and stereotypes. It almost feels like an elaborate setup so they can one day tell Shiloh she’s adopted. None of the kids will call Brad Pitt dad, and he’ll always be referred to as “the guy who makes funny noises with mom in the bedroom.”



  1. Aimtrue

    Picture caption
    AJ: This is how you suck dick.
    BP: No No whore like this!!!

  2. jane's eyre

    Sooo, we’re SURPRISED these adulterers aren’t getting married?

  3. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that Brad wanted to get married and even proposed, but Angelina didn’t want to get married and “spoil a good thing”.

    I guess we know who’s the boss in that family.

  4. jane's eyre

    No use “making an honest woman” out of someone who never was one.

  5. mobilus

    4th! Boo-yah!

    Uh, I forgot what I was going to say…

  6. mobilus

    Make that 5th (boo-yah)

  7. seriouslyblack


  8. BigJim

    Do these people have no shame?

    Wait, does this mean that Angelina is still on the market? Cuz I could see myself hitting that.

    Has the coob been around lately? Or has it done all of humanity a favor and died?

  9. Jacq


  10. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh


  11. I think you need to replace the “funny” in the phrase “funny noises in the bedroom” with “high-pitched animal screams.”

  12. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Brad looks like he’s sucking all the air out of the room and Anjelina looks like she’s blowing it all out. How romantic – he sucks, she blows.

  13. aivilo

    Mmmm, those are some quality expressions.

    They both look about 72 in this picture…and constipated.

  14. jane's eyre


    She decided to keep her options open after seeing your pic.

  15. chelsea_423

    Who cares? Marriage is an outdated institution anyway.
    <—Married woman

  16. JoBOO

    #16. Oh yeah — TCLTC!!

  17. jane's eyre

    And I unfortunately saw the COOB posting yesterday. Plus I saw someone with the nickname “crazy bananas” posting on the last thread, I think. Guess it’s tired of us stoopid ppl not beeng abul to reed it as “I am bananuz”.

  18. HarryNipples

    “Welcome to the 25th International Fellatio Convention, proudly being held in Namibia this year. We are proud to have two of the most noted international experts in the field with us this year, and they will be giving demonstrations during the convention.”

  19. Chicagoboy

    #8 Careful, mentioning the coob’s name is a sure-fire way of making “it” appear on the threads.

  20. tinkerbelle

    Brad’s scared of her. Never knows when the psychosis will flare up again.
    ooh, I’m almost as funny as osh.

  21. Yes, this is clearly the most disfunctional relationship in Hollywood. Britney should sit them down and have a chat with them about the right way of starting a family. I mean, she’s married, so she must be ok right?

  22. Jacq

    Is it me or has she already really slimmed down. And BTW those tits are cra-a-zee huge!

  23. Jacq

    #20 – You can be funny all day long. But don’t make unrealistic comparisons.

  24. The comments blow on this site but the pictures are good…

    And God knows sometimes…I’m just in it for the pictures.

  25. BrianMolko

    I don’t get why there are so many people commenting as if it’s a bad thing not to get married, you should really try to be more opened-minded every now and then, who wants to get married so they can have a “we are incredibly dull now” label.

  26. tinkerbelle

    shut up, jacq.

  27. honey

    They’re just waiting for their next movies to come out so they can find out who they’re going to fall in love with next.

  28. PapaHotNuts

    Simon says touch your nose.
    Simon says jump on one foot.
    Simon says pat your head.
    Now make a face like a cocsucker.

    You’re both out- Simon didn’t say!

  29. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’ll sell you one of my eggs and you can raise it to be smart and cool, that’ll be the closest you can get to being as awesome as me. But I suggest you pick a more awesome surrogate, my awesome egg will probably miscarry in a womb of your wackitude. That’ll be 75 G’s plus shipping.

  30. I love how he just sort of becomes every person he dates. He had a blond bob when he dated Gwyneth, he grew it out a bit and went sandy when married to Jennifer, now it’s black and he follows Angie all over the world adopting kids… Jesus, Grow a set.

  31. HarryNipples

    I have to say Angie, “Thanks for the mammaries.”

  32. Jacq

    Oh, Tinkerbelle! Umm, how do I put it? Oh yeah – fuck you.

  33. HarryNipples

    Those pups look fucking HUGE! Is she showing them off or is she breast feeding the baby AND Brad??? Enquiring minds want to know…

  34. Sheva

    She’s certifiable and he’s given up on even trying to remotely revisit the word that makes her psychosis go. Angie: m word, m word, the m word.

    Notice it was her quote to the press on that matter.

  35. munchy


    What an ORIGINAL comment! Brad morphs into the women he’s with? WHAT??!!?? When did this start happening? I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever heard anyone else make that observation before in real life, let alone on the internet! Good grief, Spindoc, you are a master of observational commentary. What next, Jessica Simpson is a blonde? Nicole Richie is skinny? Please, tell me something I didn’t already know!

  36. HarryNipples

    Looks like a catfight is in the works…

  37. Italian Stallion

    I bet the three little pigs got really nervous when they noticed it wasn’t just one big bad wolf……….

  38. Are you okay #35?

  39. HarryNipples

    I will condone a catfight between Jacq and Tinkerbelle, as long as it ends with nude mud wrestling and sex afterwards…

  40. One thing I am annoyed about with Perez Hilton is all the worthless writing that destroys the pictures.

    Check out the pictures here without the writing on them:

    She is definately gorgeous

  41. jane's eyre

    I prefer cement fights, because the winner gets to take home a brand new statue for their garden.

  42. munchy

    #38, I’m fine. I’m just tired of people commenting about Brad, the chameleon. I mean, I get it. He has no sense of identity for himself, get over it.

    We should instead talk about how “whorish” or “evil” or “wonderful” or whatever your feeling is on these people, not the same tired “Brad always looks like his girlfriends” crap.

    (and, this is the 6th time today on a different blog someone has made the same “observation”. The internet can get to me sometimes.)

  43. HarryNipples

    Maybe an oil pit fight with sex afterwards would be better – then I can fry up Angie’s placenta with the leftover oil with some hash browns and cheddar cheese (unless Tom Cruise has already beta me to it…)nummies!!

  44. HarryNipples

    Oh God, Angelina, I want you so bad – I think about you all the time, this pressure just builds up in my nuts and I just can’t STAND it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

  45. Fisher55

    that poor kid is gonna go fucking blind from all the flashbulbs

  46. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    42 – the internet gets to me sometimes too when I’m looking at 6 different blogs in one day and simultaneously masturbating to seven other sites while pretending to read on-line news and playing solitare AND minesweeper.

  47. HarryNipples

    I find her teats quite fascinating also – nothing like a lactating hottie to get the juices flowing…

  48. HarryNipples

    Osh, you are such a fucking dirty cunt – it’s just hard for me to type with one hand in my pants…

  49. sweetcheeks

    You want to know WHY she’s not marrying him? Because he’s a big fat PUSS.

  50. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    48 – Heh heh. You said ‘hard’. Heh heh heh heh heh.

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