Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie give birth to Shiloh

May 29th, 2006 // 253 Comments

I wasn’t going to post today since it’s Memorial Day and all that, but I didn’t write anything over the weekend about the super baby being born and I figured I should. If you haven’t already heard, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday and have named her Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. There aren’t any other details, but the birth reportedly went smoothly and everybody is currently in Namibia doing well. Although they’ve yet to explain how they came up with Shiloh. Either all the girl names were taken or they were just really hoping she came out as a dog. They might as well have named her Fido. Or Spot. Or McGruff. Because maybe when she grows up she’ll take a bite out of crime.



  1. Ari

    96–I sacrificed Edna on a stone altar to Satan, to make up for the fact that the Victoria whatsherface thread ain’t getting to 666.

    As for the theoretical ‘stretched snatch’ phenomena… I’ve had three kids and can still make a guy come just by flexing those internal muscles. I’ve never had a complaint.

  2. Iambananas

    They are so stupid! They should have named the baby Arm.

    Or Peach, if it was a girl.

  3. BigJim

    I didn’t read #’s 99, 100, or 102. Did anyone else?

  4. Sheva

    Okay, who’s turn was it to keep an eye on lameass Lamda bananas?

    Put him back up Tom Cruise’s arse will ya?

  5. Iambananas

    Angelina turned Brad weird. And have you seen her adopted babies? They aren’t going to look ANYTHING like the new baby!

    At least the new baby’s gonna be a looker.

  6. Sheva

    Ari, you are a rarity. I had a girlfriend who would get so excited she’d do it but it was completely involuntary.

    Once I found out she couldn’t do it on order, I left.

  7. Iambananas

    She’s marginally pretty.. I mean, those lips are kinda annoying and she wasn’t pretty at the beginning of her career…

    And Brad’s a handsome guy… I think…

    So it makes sense that the baby would be good-looking… wouldn’t it?

  8. Iambananas

    Lol, I’ve had like 300 comments on this, I think I should jsut wait and do them all at once! Just one more…

    have you noticed he ALWAYS looks like who he’s dating?

  9. GuyLeDouche

    We can wait and see if there’s a secret Civil War Buff in Mr. Pitt, the pride of Missouri (even though, I know, he was actually born in Oklahoma). If Mange-alina has twins next time around and they name them First Manassas and Second Manassas then it’s a given. Although Chancellorsville and Chickamauga would be a nice pair of names too for twins – if you’re a complete f***ing loon who willingly has babies at the edge of the Kalahari Desert in a rathole of a country. I don’t know which the Namibians think is worse: that the national life expectancy went up when up when those two got off the plane at Windhoek, or that the national IQ went down.

  10. Iambananas

    And now with his pregnant girlfriend Angelina Jolie, the pin-up guy has dyed his hair black. But hair is just the beginning. He wears her colors, shares her styles. She flies a plane. Now he does. She’s a world peace ambassador. Ditto Brad

  11. Iambananas

    # 103 and 104

    Why are you obsessed over me?

  12. I’ve got a good friend named Shiloh.

  13. BigJim

    I also didn’t read #’s 105, 107, 108, 110, and 111.

    I’m sure I didn’t miss anything.

  14. Ari

    113– Didn’t read that either… I was busy doing my Kegels.

  15. HughJorganthethird

    I’m so getting some gunt tonight.

  16. krisdylee

    I know I didn’t read any of that horse-puckey. I was imagining going down on BigJim in the kayak, without tipping it over….

  17. PelvicBoogie

    Gotta Getta Gunt.

    And Ari, write a book. You could change the world and men would worship you.

  18. PelvicBoogie

    How about Better Living Through Beaver? That’s gotta nice ring to it.

  19. sikofdis

    Hey BigJim (#103),

    I haven’t read 99, 100, 102, 105, 107, 108, 110, or 111. Didn’t have to read them to know that anyone who posts that much that consecutively is a giant douche who is grossly mistaken about how other people value what they have to say.

    Am still hoping that Mother Theresa (previous thread) gets her wish….

  20. BarbadoSlim

    Ditto on the non-read

  21. BarbadoSlim

    To quote Shakespeare:

    “Goeth awayeth fruiteth most foul, thou sucketh too much…”

  22. libertarienne


    Nope. That is not the correct feminine form of the word. That would be “nouvelle.” Actually, “nouvel” is the masculine form IF/WHEN it is before a word that begins with a vowel or an unaspirated “h” (i.e. “homme”).

    Par exemple: “C’est le nouvel arrivage”

    …Just sayin’.

  23. Ari

    116–Funny, I was imagining doing my kegels around bigjim…in the kayak… without tipping it over.

  24. Yesssss, thank you Ella, for getting my joke…I was feeling oh so lonely.

    Angie strikes me as a bit animalistic. I’m thoroughly surprised that she didn’t have the baby a la natural, using her teeth to bite through the umbilical cord, eating the afterbirth, and devouring Brad for a quick snack, but only after she had voracious sex with him in her gaping snatch. Ew, I think I threw up in my mouth a litle.

  25. Nikky Raney

    holy wow. this makes me want to watch the movie shiloh. memories of 6th grade. that movie made me cry

  26. Nikky Raney

    whoever posted the pacman site is my new love
    i have been playing pacman for an hour

  27. eva86

    Big Jim; it’sobvious to anyone who has any amount of intelligence that you did read Lambananas posts. So W (why) TF even bother to “comment” as if you hadn’t? Lambananas is either a 12 year old or spends his/her time reading the National Enquirer, Star, or even PEOPLE and bases her/his comments on whatever they perceive/understand from these news sources.
    Krysdlee you stupid white trash cunt, thank you for confirming the fact that you really are a cunt. You’ve got absolutely no class WHATSOEVER. You must be some kind of obese, whie trash, unkempt, bitter bitch because you sure as hell sound like that-wannabee-something-or-other.
    BradPitt and AngelinaJolie are hot. But who the fuck cares
    and whose business is it anyway, if their child is named Shiloh, Sheila, Nouvel, or whatever the fuck their parents’
    fancy hit them? More than 20 years ago Johnny Cash sang about some poor SOB whose misfortune it was to be named, Sue.

  28. Ari

    124.. I had the same thoughts about her.

  29. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    The only time a banana is funny is when it’s doing Peanut Butter Jelly Time

  30. Ari

    well, minus the gaping snatch bit.

  31. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Ah ha ha ha, eva86, so sorry that you missed the picture of krisdylee. Guess you weren’t around for that.

  32. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    BigJim, do you think this could be the hydra I was speaking about?

  33. Ari

    krisdylee= hot snatch

  34. YankeeRedNeck40

    all hail the bastard child of 2 of the most overblown idiots to ever breath air

  35. eva86

    Feed_Me_Chocolate, sorry I missed that too. Must’ve been
    one hell of a pic posted from some hard core porno website that she found “deserved” a photo of her

  36. Sheva

    Ari = snapping gyro

  37. Feed_Me_Chocolate


    That was sarcasm. We were exchanging pictures, and krisdylee is none of the things you accuse her of, except maybe the bitch part, and she’ll admit to that, won’t you sweetheart?

    And as far as the deal about the name, we don’t really care what they name their bastard spawn, as long as we’re free to make fun of it, which, thanks to the men and women who died preserving that freedom, we heartily do. So exercise your freedom people, and make fun of Shiloh! Woohoo!

    Just remember, it’s all fun and games until someone loses their eye. So, in the immortal words of Franky Goes to Hollywood,


  38. Ari

    137, what can I say? I considered it physical therapy after childbirth. I took it very seriously. Fortunately for me, past partners have been very..ehh.. supportive of my efforts to maintain muscle tone. They were so selfless…

  39. PelvicBoogie

    Nothing like a good hard squeeze on the backstroke.

  40. Lord Xenu

    SHILOH!, good lord they named their DAUGHTER after the CIVIL WAR battle. Sure the name is Hebrew for PEACE, but she must be so ignorant of history that this was the name of one of the bloodiest battles of the American Civil War. A battle that had 23,000 combines casaulties.

    How about naming a son Antietam.

  41. Lord Xenu,


    How’s Tom?

  42. Sheva

    All I can do is sit in utter awe at the power, the glory that is the beauty of pelvic maintenance and power.

    I salute you Ari on the upstroke, the downstroke, the sidestroke, the backstroke, the breaststoke and whatever else suits your fancy.

    If we had more women like this in America, we’d have a lot less divorce.

    Hmm wonder if Angelina does those exercises. Obviously no one told poor Jen.

  43. 140

    She looks like Wednesday in that picture. An incestuous Wednesday, to clarify.

    Quick! Someone click on the link in my name to get me out of “666 views”! doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dooooo…

  44. Ari

    Sheva– I AM divorced. Thank god…

  45. TrannyGranny

    Shit, Angelina didn’t “opt” to have a c-section, it was mandatory. The baby, regardless of gender, was thinking. It’s like “I am in Angelina Jolies PUSSY. It will never get better than this, until the day I die. There is no fucking way I’m leaving this thing, especially head first. No Sir.”

    I hear, from my impeccable sources, that she was chopped open, but it took a platoon of Marines and a D-9 Cat to get the kid outta there.

  46. BarbadoSlim

    That’s a nice site you’ve got there Chocolate. Say, you wouldn’t happen to have any pictures of you wearing the slave girl costume from Return of the Jedi, would ya?

    I’m …ah, collecting such pictures from as many sources, as I can, for a err.. *cough cough* term paper on the Impact of Princess Leia on Contemporary Feminism….yeah.

  47. No, but I do have some of sweetcheeks in that slave girl costume…she asked for them ‘specially.

  48. TrannyGranny


    Send me an email, you will regret it forever in a few days, mwaaahaaaahaaaa!

Leave A Comment