Brad Pitt, diagnosed with a mild case of viral meningitis and released from the hospital last week, accepted a $250,000 check on behalf of the Film Foundation Inc. at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association luncheon in Beverly Hills. In other news, Brad Pitt also reported that his master race of Brad Pitt robots was coming along nicely, and that his shipment of sharks with lasers attached to their heads had been delivered on time. An exact date still hasn’t been set, but world domination should be within his grasp in a matter of months.
When you’re so important that news agencies report on whether you’re coughing or not coughing, world domination is just the next logical step. This is how Hitler started, people. First the AP was like, “Hitler has the flu” and then they were all, “Hitler picks up a check” and then the next thing you know World War II was breaking out. I’m just saying, if Brad Pitt starts buying up nuclear warheads and statues made in his honor, you shouldn’t be surprised.