BREAKING: Brad Pitt Gives His Kids Soda. Gasp!

February 2nd, 2012 // 41 Comments

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have 27 kids, so short of running into their rooms firing shotguns into the air to wake them up – Which, by the way, I’m entirely cool with. – I don’t really see the need for a big kerfuffle over anything they do to somehow herd them out the door in the morning. Then again, I’ve never passed a baby through my pleasure hole (yet) and used said passing as a badge to declare my way of doing everything as absolutely right, so ‘the fuck do I know? Via The Daily Mail:

But Brad Pitt has confessed he sometimes resorts to desperate measures when he attempts to wake up his brood in the mornings – forcing them to drink Coca Cola for breakfast.
The Moneyball star said revealed he uses it as a sweetener for getting out of bed when he is rush to get them out of the door.
He said: ‘Listen, I admit there’s times like, “We gotta get up. Get up! Here’s your shoes. Here’s your shoes.”
‘”Drink this Coke. Drink this Coca Cola. Drink it all. Right now! Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!” Just so we could get ‘em up and going.’

Yes, soda is bad for children, but every once in a while isn’t going to kill the little buggers, so put down the NPR tote before somebody gets hurt. Also, everyone knows if you pump Asian kids full of caffeine, they’ll do sweet kung fu moves which is really the whole point of adopting one in the first place. Back me up, Katherine Heigl.

Photos: Getty

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  1. dontkillthemessenger

    They wouldn’t have to do stuff like this if they didn’t have 35% of the world’s population under 10 years old in their house.

  2. YoMamma

    BFD.
    Although, somewhere you can hear Gwenyth Paltrow sobbing. Can you imagine if they’d have had kids together? She’d sooner throw out her hand-painted wallpaper than have soda pass her childrens lips.

  3. I’m surprised they don’t do something more multicultural in situations like that. And by multicultural, I mean fucking retarded.

  4. Frank

    next thing you know, it’ll be lines of coke, not cans.

  5. Steph

    I don’t understand why this is a big deal? It’s just like adults drinking coffee in the morning to wake up… and kids drink pop all the time.

    • Felonious Monkey

      Soda is loaded with sugar, caffeine and chemicals. Caffeine acts as a stimulant drug. Just because tons of people drink, eat or do something doesn’t make it good.
      These kids have no stability or structure plus they have a poor diet.
      Well, at least they have wealthy parents!

      • SM

        Real kids have curves man

      • Felonious Monkey

        Actually, maybe he’s getting paid to mention Coca Cola so that the lemmings will rush out to buy even more b/c this aging douchebag gives it to his kids. If so, well played, Brad. Well played.

      • nancy

        chemicals? fact check felonious monkey poor diet? have you assessed their intake for a week and determined this with your years of educated self? Wealthy parents? Right! Good job getting at least one right.

      • Felonious Monkey

        @Nancy: You’re telling me soda, especially Coca Cola, is natural and has no chemicals? What planet are you from?
        In the few articles I’ve read or interviews I’ve seen of these people, they mentioned a few times that they allow their kids to just eat what they enjoy.
        You give little kids that option, they’re not going to make wise decisions for themselves!
        So fact check yourself, Nancy.

      • Jillia

        Oh relax monkey. Obviously you don’t have any kids (and this is coming from someone with no kids). You have no idea what their stability and structure is at home is nor do you know anything about their diet outside of the occasional morning soda so quit jumping to crazy conclusions. It’s all fine in moderation.

      • Steph

        “These kids have no stability or structure plus they have a poor diet.”

        How do you know this? For all we know they could have more stability and structure than you or myself did as kids growing up. Just because Brad Pitt admits to sometimes letting his children drink coke in the mornings when they need to get out of the house quick, doesn’t mean they have a poor diet.

        As for “In the few articles I’ve read or interviews I’ve seen of these people, they mentioned a few times that they allow their kids to just eat what they enjoy.
        You give little kids that option, they’re not going to make wise decisions for themselves!”

        My parents gave me that option when I was a kid because I was an EXTREMELY picky eater (wouldn’t eat meat, most veggies… NEVER willing to try new foods until I was 18) and EXTREMELY stubborn. My parents would spend all day and night begging me to try something, they tried forcing me… as long as I was eating SOMETHING they were happy that I wasn’t letting myself go hungry, they would make me try the few things I did like in different forms (such as french fries- mashed potatoes-baked potatoes, etc) and that worked. I grew up to be a healthy and happy person.

        We don’t know that these kids aren’t picky eaters and stubborn so that’s why Brad and Angelina “let them eat whatever they want”. Or maybe “whatever they want” is actually healthier food than what Brad and Angelina were planning on originally feeding them and that’s why they let them eat whatever they want.

        These kids look happy and healthy. so why is letting them drink soda in the mornings every once in awhile such a bad thing? When I was in Jr and Sr High School me and my friends ALL would drink pop/soda as our first food/drink in the mornings, none of us liked coffee or wanted to try it and we wanted to wake up. Don’t judge Pitt and Jolie of being such horrible parents just because of a few articles you read, when for all we know these articles are fiction or written to make them out to be worse than they actually are…..

  6. Frank Burns

    The only objectionable part is that I’m supposed to believe that he, instead of an army of nannies he pays, ever wakes up the kids to get them out the door. Okay, maybe, if he wanted to nail one or more of the nannies in the kids bedroom.

  7. cc

    Why not Dr. Pepper?

  8. kanyegayfish

    DA FISH HAS CAME OUT ? “I’ve never passed a baby through my pleasure hole” !!

  9. Coke

    Just like the story Mr. Orange tells Mr. White and Nice Guy Eddie when they first meet, this story as well is a fallacy.

  10. Wow, they should have all their children taken away. That’s child abuse, plain and simple. Next thing you know we’ll find out they once let one of their kids eat a potato chip.

  11. In other news: Jennifer Aniston has announced that she is having a bank of soda machines installed in her home.

    • jim/dee

      Why does Jen’s name come up wheneever there is a comment about these two loosers???…She has been over the divorce for about 10 years and really doesn’t care what goes on in that household… She is happy now so just leave her out of your comments…JUST SAYING…….

  12. BeBo Wobbley

    WGAF? Really? This site gets lamer and lamer,,,,no longer satire or even good sarcasm..just crap reporting and untruths,,,WTF happened to the cutting edge humor that used to be its’ trademark?

  13. How dare these kids be normal! I want my Jolie/Pitt kids to be crack addicts by the time they hit high school.

  14. Dan

    *Lifts left leg* *pffffffft* … that is how much I care about this.

    Don’t they realise those kids would be poor as shit in whatever country they are from? They are lucky to be drinking coke and not turning tricks in Thailand, or child soldiers, or wherever.

  15. Mando

    what’s really shocking is that Brad Pitt actually does it himself.

  16. anonymoose

    I could not care less about these 2 unattractive dumb-ass losers.

  17. Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie SAG Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s basically Hitler. That’s what the Nazis did…giving cola to children.

  18. Gellia

    Oh come on now, when does he not have his nanny wake them up. I’m sure that she gives them “Cheese” and they like that better.

  19. Loni

    come on this is not news it is a treat for the kids tell me who out there in wonder land did not have some kind of a soda growing Up this is not your call!

  20. blah

    He calls it “Coca Cola” in casual conversation?

    Weirdest product placement ever.

  21. forrest gump

    the youth has the future – brought to ya by Red Bull.

  22. judging you

    What he meant to say was “The nannies get the kids up and then give them coke to wake them up for the press walk or travel for the press walk…Daddy needs an Oscar y’know.” Then “Coke as in the drink the help keeps Angie’s coke away from the kids.” He goes on to say “But except for that we’re normal people that like Coca Cola, so you should like us and support us…If you really want you can steal me an Oscar.”

    “Coca Cola, Coca Cola, COCA COLA!!”

  23. Oh , not these two again….

  24. jim/dee

    I couldn’t have said it better myself!!…

  25. guestspeaker

    will someone please give this dude an oscar so he can stfu already

  26. Mika

    Wow Gena, what an iodtiic story. I hate The Enquirer.. lol idiots. They’re forever trying to make Angelina look like some angry, raging, insecure psycho.

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