This is Brad Pitt’s Assistant

August 22nd, 2011 // 189 Comments

Last week, the Internet was aflutter after photos surfaced of Brad Pitt with a comely young assistant, Lara Marsden, on the set of World War Z.

This is that assistant.

Now, while most people might be inclined to say Angelina Jolie better watch her back now that there’s a younger woman unweathered by the rigors of parenting in the picture, I’m actually more concerned about this chick looking young enough to live in fear of child snatching.

BRAD: Wait, why are there seven kids here?
ANGELINA: Because we have a new daughter! In fact, I think you two have already met. Lara, come over and say hi to your new daddy.
LARA: Hi, daddy!
BRAD: Sonofa- again, Angie?
ANGELINA: Don’t you dare bring up, Maggie! Not after she drowned in that tub like that!
BRAD: Baby, I’m sorry… Wait, Maggie? I thought her name was Julie. Maggie was my assistant on Moneyb- Ah, god, seriously, Angie?
ANGELINA: Let’s get tattoos!

Photo: Flynet

superficial

  1. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    sexyman48
    Commented on this photo:

    A moron making a duckface and taking their own picture, man they must have searched facebook for tens of seconds to find her.

  2. Megatron

    Do people still use Myspace, or are these photos just 8 years old?

  3. Dirty Mike

    The octomom looks good in this pic. and first.

  4. Frugal Gourmet

    stupid

  5. Deacon Jones

    Def. looks like a cutie.

    There’s one thing money can’t buy you Angelina…no, no, not African babies…YOUTH!

    Whats with the time lapse pics,,she looks like she was drunk and did a header off the counter.

  6. Duke

    Oh come one, guys. This is evidently a little treat Angie gave her husband. She must not feel up to some atm action anymore, so what better solution than to use a fresh piece of ass for this purpose. Also, I bet Angie herself has gotten a taste of that teenage cunt.

  7. that’s the smile of a chick who’s bangin a famous actor twice her age :)

    • “twice her age” isn’t a good thing lol. Girls don’t like older men for their looks, they like them for their money.

      • you say it like it’s a bad thing. all women regardless of either party’s age want to see he can bankroll/support them

      • “All” women? lol, not quite, but yes gold digging is alive and well. Actually, I read an article on HuffPo this morning on how China is changing their laws so that whoever bought the house, gets to keep it, in the event of a divorce. Apparently girls there are catching to our Western hustlin’ ways and aren’t going to school, but leaching on to men for their moneys.

      • bi chick

        What world ru living in? Older men aren’t necessarily loaded, and some of us find them handsome. I’ll take a middle-class silver fox over a 24 year old trust fund baby.

      • Denise

        Oh, yeah, great comment. So this site trashes all women over 29 and you rush at the chance to defend men from a single negative comment regarding age. I get that this site supposedly makes fun of everyone, except let’s get real — the usual targets here are women. Female participating in this should take a look at what they’re doing. So should men for that matter.

  8. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Commented on this photo:

    hi-yo.. shweeeet!! :D

  9. See Alice

    He’s no dummy.

  10. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    wtf
    Commented on this photo:

    why would she post this on myspace? trashy, first of all, but also completely unflattering!!!

  11. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Derp
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh “mon”, this will go over well for her.

  12. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    FruitLoop
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeez, what the fuck is going on in this picture?!

    She put on a seaweed wig and then jail baited Swamp-Thing into some nasty sex. After sucking him off and getting a mud-jizz facial she ripped his dick off and kept going!!?

  13. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    wtf
    Commented on this photo:

    this looks like a scene from a horror movie…”theres someone right behind you!”

  14. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Rocky
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks fresh and organic. He better eat her before she gets spoiled

  15. Frank Burns

    Let’s not forget Jolie is bisexual, so the assistant might be a treat for one or both of them . .

  16. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, no one who makes a duckface is qualified to do any job but “assistant” or “intern” of the sexually harassable variety.

    • impyc

      hahahah exactly…..i been callin everyone out on those damn ducklips. Ducklips and chunkin the deuce ugh….i almost feel sorry for Brad, this is…bad

  17. God is Black

    Seriously why do people think she’s a Lesbian(@Dr Cock)……For centuries men will demand younger pussy over “beefy jerky” pussy any day….Has anything changed? I say to Brad, fuck her hard asap!

    • Fletch

      Jolie is just plain nasty. Just because she dresses differently now than she did 10 years ago doesn’t mean a thing.

    • browny

      And women will ALWAYS want younger men. That’s optometry. Bring on Alex Skarsgard and kick Brad/Tom/ etc to the curb, too old and um, soft…

  18. Venom

    i definitely think she is a plaything for both of them.
    She is cute and seems nice and fun.

  19. shine

    Why does she have a tail?

  20. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Eddie
    Commented on this photo:

    “Just in case the kids get out of control, I’ll teach you how to use this thing”

  21. wtf

    Just an ordinary young girl. She sure isn’t Angelina…and I am willing to bet that young girl can’t hold a candle to Angie in the sack. Youth isn’t everything. Hey dudeatdudedotdude…..a chick banging someone twice her age doesn’t smile, she just closes her eyes and pretends the old dude is Shia Labouef or some other young guy. Despite what older guys think, young girls are grossed out by them. If you see and old guy with a young girl it is a pretty sure bet that he has money and that they very thought of him touching her is only made tolerable by the fact that she can all the pretty baubles she want.

    • sea

      Shia Labouef??? One of the ugliest guys ever!

    • You’re totally forgetting about Daddy Complexes. And for the insecure types, there’s often less competition for older men.

    • gumption

      correct on all accounts aside from shia labouf who is ugly as sin. But we get your drift. And Angie has nothing to worry about, do you see this girls heinous mouth and teeth? She should beg Angie to adopt her and spring for some orthodontic work asap.

      • v

        Are you insane?Heinous mouth and teeth?wtf…Wow…woman hating at its best with these comments.Getting laid works wonders.Try it.

  22. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? She looks like a lot of fun.

  23. bing

    Average at most. Would definitely be a downgrade.

  24. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like Brad was in mid attempt to leave her with a Dirty Sanchez and he tripped over one of his kids.

  25. patricia

    Good grief, that has to be an old picture, cuz she doesn’t look like that in the recent pictures – Yeah, I get the octomom thing too!!

  26. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Commented on this photo:

    LSD is a hell of a drug.

  27. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    eatme
    Commented on this photo:

    …attention all girls, duckface is NOT appealing. Do not do it unless you are actually a duck, else we will just assume that you are a duck.

  28. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Hugh Jass
    Commented on this photo:

    No, horizontal lines don’t make your ass look bigger.

  29. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    So she’s a member of the Ministry of Silly Walks?

    • impyc

      omg Monty Python that was one of my favorite sketches…I am so lame but thank you for that, and this chick, she musta been hella young when she posted these on myspace, ancient ass shite.

  30. dotmatrix

    Assistant? Don’t you mean fluffer?

  31. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    I feel the need to throw bread at her.

  32. Katie

    I promise I’m not being a catty girl but i don’t think she’s that great looking. She looks kinda weird…like she has an LP’s head on a normal sized body. She’s got nothing on Angelina, if you ask me!

  33. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow a picture of the mysterious phantom penis, I thought it was a myth.

  34. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    At least now we can see how she got the job.

  35. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Motumbo
    Commented on this photo:

    100% he has been in that.

  36. looking at this i see either two things:May Pang II or Jennifer Aniston having an orgasm.

  37. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Ditty
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude, she’s like 14? He would know better than to tap some dork in Grandma panties.

  38. kimmykimkim

    You guys actually think this chick is hot? She’s average and that’s putting it nicely. I’m as confused by this as I am Pippa’s ass.

    • Deacon Jones

      She’s “cute”.

      But I’ll tell you her appeal. She’s the kind of girl who would be like “Hey, let’s smoke this jay, watch “Spaceballs” and then have sex.

      Versus coming home to Angelina trying to convince you over dinner why you should travel to Haiti and adopt another fucking kid, as 4 of them are hanging off your arms.

      • Venom

        Exactly Deacon, she is the kind of girl that you have sex with and you actually like her to stay and hang out and do shit and go places with you.
        She probably likes to hang out with you and your friends and does not bitch and moan all day about it.

      • kimmykimkim

        @Deacon: well shit, if that’s all there is to her appeal, I’ll take her. I’ll have to bag her, but I’ll take her. Ok that was mean. I’ll give you “cute” though, she is cute, but I personally don’t find her to be sexy or doable.

        @TomFrank: its ok, you don’t have to hump my leg. Look, I know I sound like a catty bitch but…there is no but actually. Well, wait, no, I bet most of the chicks who comment on here frequently are prettier than this girl. I base that on absolutely nothing but whatever. Honestly, I’d like to see what everybody on this site looks like cuz I bet there are some serious hotties here. I’m talking about hot girls, not hot guys but hey you never know.

      • TomFrank

        Well, kimmy, if you want to see what everybody here looks like, the best place to start is probably with yourself. Post a link to a flickr page. Oh, and hold up a sign that says you’re kimmykimkim from The Superficial, so no one accuses you of linking to some hot chick’s pic instead of your own.

      • Cardinal Ximenez

        Deacon = Best reply ever. Love it.

    • TomFrank

      I’m sure she doesn’t hold a candle to you, kimmy. *coughobvioussuckupcough*

      • gumption

        part of what kimmykim says is probably true. I think it’sa mixed bag here but the truth is , some hot girls are obsessed with looks and vanity and so would develop a keen eye for what looks good and know plastic surgery when they see it. This site would be the perfect outlet for this sickness. The laser eye of perfection seeking can cut through all the crap hollyshit trys to sell us and make such a person quite good at spotting ugly, not to mention deranged and in need of psychiatric evaluation….

  39. some people are saying she isn’t that hot to look at. but in comparison to the one schwarzenegger knocked up she is UBER HOT!

  40. Deryn

    Count me in the “she’s adorable” camp.

  41. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    Paco Von Vipersteel
    Commented on this photo:

    She does a mean Lisa Bonet impresonation.

  42. Rough's calzone

    Erm! Where do I send my $9.50?

  43. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    I think this picture gives the term “duckface” a whole new meaning.

  44. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, the train will be pulling into Philadelphia soon. Will you be getting off at the City of Brotherly Love, Mr. Beeks?”

  45. Cock Dr

    I wonder who she prefers to have sex with: Brad or Angie?
    Perhaps it’s a question of who makes her the sorest. Angie looks like she would be a rough customer in the sack.

  46. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch is in heat.

  47. Brad Pitt Assistant Lara Marsden
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    This is no cave…

  48. Hank E. Ring

    …and soon to be ex-assistant.

  49. Rough's calzone

    I’d like reenact that hotel pool scene in ‘Breathless” with America’s favorite new assistant. Wonder if Mr. Pitt dreams about that, when Angie has too many mouth to feed or headache nights.

  50. That Bastard Tony

    If Will and Jada can participate in “extra curricular” activities, I don’t see why these two can’t.

    With that said, even if Angie Jo is still really hot and fuckable in person (I think she peaked in 2003), a man, any man, will eventually get tired of banging that and will want something different every now and then. Women would too so don’t be fooled.

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