Brad Pitt Has ‘Bombshell’ Tapes of Angelia Jolie: Report

Last week, Angelina Jolie’s team said she’d prove in court that Brad Pitt harmed at least one of their kids even though he was cleared in a child abuse investigation. And now comes word that he’s sitting on “bombshell” tapes that could prove she unhinges her jaw and eats goats in front of the children. (Don’t quote me on that.) Via Page Six:

“We believe audio tapes exist of Angelina that would be absolutely dynamite against her if they were to be made public,” an insider told the paper.
The tapes would be the first major legal salvo fired by Pitt and his legal team — after Jolie’s lawyers said they planned to prove he hit one of their children, the source said.
“Nobody wants to play dirty like that — it’s not good for the children — but Angelina and her team seem absolutely hell-bent on trying to discredit Brad in order to stop him getting joint custody,” the source said.

If this is true, how often were these people taping each other? I mean, goddammit. Were they both strapping tape recorders to the kids and setting them loose? Because I’m pretty sure this scenario should’ve been a big red flag that it’s time to end things.

“Alright, Pax, Mommy just need you to wear this for a little whi- *lifts up shirt, sees recorder already there* BRAAAAAAAD!”

Cue the sound of a fuel truck filling the night air…

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