Brad Pitt Might Marry Angelina Jolie

May 31st, 2011 // 42 Comments

In an interview with USA Weekend to promote his new movie Tree of Life, Brad Pitt reveals he’s contemplating making an honest woman out of Angelina Jolie because marriage has worked out so awesome for both of them in the past:

Though he has said the couple would wait to wed until gay people could do so legally, he now acknowledges that the timetable may change. “The kids ask about marriage,” he says, sinking wearily into a sofa. He takes a sip of cappuccino. “It’s meaning more and more to them. So it’s something we’ve got to look at.”

Wait, the kids are pushing for it? Aren’t half of them adopted? Because that’s bullshit. You don’t repay a man for kidnapping taking you into his home by forcing him down the aisle. I’m serious. If it weren’t for Brad Pitt, they’d still be sitting in a third world country, or worse, adopted by a guy with a whip who makes them crawl into holes looking for treasure because they’re small and Asian. Little bastards don’t know how good they got it.

BRAD: Alright, now climb down into that pit of snakes and, I dunno, grab some old jars or something.
MADDOX: Is this because I said you should marry mom?
BRAD: Ha! What? No. How long do you think I hold a grudge? *carves “Jennifer Aniston’s pussy is a snow cone” into the wall*

Photo: Getty, Splash News


  1. Bonez

    Might not

  2. Polk

    Don’t do it, man. THINK!

    • Viktoria

      Brad and Angelina have a perfectly good relationship–why wreck it with marriage? If they do marry, I predict they will divorce in less than a year–

  3. And I might eat my shoe.

  4. Question

    Can they finally have sex once they are married? I wonder if they’ll produce any offspring of their own.

  5. Elle

    And I might not ever watch another movie with Jolie in it after seeing “SALT” terrible terrible movie!

    • I just watched Salt last night. It wasn’t terrible, but if you cut out the “running” scenes, it’s only about 20 minutes long…and I have a hard time believing Jolie’s stick arms could hit a grown man hard enough to wake him up, no less put him down.

      • texgirl73

        :-D I thought the same thing!! There’s no way she could be jumping around and hitting people with her skeletal body! She looked like she was gonna get hurt in all the fight scenes. The movie itself wasn’t bad, just badly cast.

  6. juliana

    You people talk like they weren’t already merried… They have kids and live together, that’s a marriage for me…

    • Polk

      No, you need to add feelings of doom and misery to make it a marriage.

    • Venom

      I was watching a special on CNBC yesterday about marriage and this bitch found out her husband hated her and she planted child porn on his computer.
      He spent $13 million on attorneys for the divorce and clearing his name, got custody of the children but still had to pay her $30,000 a month in alimony.

      It is not a marriage until some woman can completely and utterly fuck you and your life over and take your money and your house.

      A marriage is a legal institution, you are either married or you are not, there is no in between. That ghetto “wifey” shit does not exist in real life.

  7. married or not he already looks like that kinison joke, “honey it’s the guys, no they just called to say that they’re all taking theirs.. i was just gonna take mine, cos i didn’t want to stand out..

    “she said no fucking way, the dick stays..”

  8. It had to be said

    Sweet damn her hand just made my penis cry and try to crawl into my belly.

  9. Rancid

    If these fools get married, they will break up for sure. No doubt.

    The only question is what will happen to their “kids of the world” collection? Will they keep the set in one piece, or split it in two? You can’t open a “It’s a Small World” ride with only half the cast.

    • Big Balls

      ANGELINA has an adopted kid from every fuckin’ 3rd-world country there is on this planet! Hell no, I wouldn’t marry the bag. Maybe jump her bones for a day, as long as it’s NOT published everywhere. Don’t want people think I’m gaga for the kids…

    • chupacabra

      First of all, she’s already got the thousand yard stare. That bitch ain’t ripe for this relationship no more.

  10. Lisa

    LOL @ “kids of the world”

  11. rowie

    they will rot in their misery for all the world to see. remember liz taylor? ultimately she was never happy with all her men (one stolen) and money. Imagine living and thinking of other women’s husbands. what a disgrace.

    • chupacabra

      no one is just happy with one dick or one vagina their ENTIRE LIFE. once you know you only really got one chance at it, why waste it unhappy?

  12. Ted

    Well, if he needs a loophole, Angelina now looks like a skinny boy so they’d look like a gay couple getting married.

  13. Cher X

    Her bone-like claw hand reminds me that I shouldn’t pay the ferryman until I get safely across the river Styx.

  14. Brad Pitt Angleina Jolie Marriage
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know… lately I can’t decide whether Angelina looks really good and relaxed or like she’s shooting smack. She usually doesn’t have a spaced out, dreamy vibe, but more of an “I’m hotter than everyone and I’ll eat your man for breakfast” feel.

    Brad is whipped and needs a haircut and shave.

  15. BB

    The Brad and Angelina story doesn’t make any sense???? Somebody is writing out their Ass.

  16. It will be just like the royal wedding, complete with a healthy dose of butt shots of Angelina’s sister. If she doesn’t have a sister, John Voight will do. I’ve oft dreamt of his elephant ear cheeks draped around the thong end of a banana hammock.

  17. Cock Dr

    Yes, he had better get the official coupledom documentation on her ASAP.
    He’s turning so greasy & strange looking she may not want him much longer.

  18. They have to get married. Sex with co-stars is no fun unless there’s a spouse to cheat on.

  19. uncle ruckus

    You’re already living with the old woman who lived in a shoe, so you may as well. But, I feel ya. The memory of Billy Bob braggin’ about ruining her in the limo is still fresh for you. The scene where she sucked her brother’s face was ghastly. This is a woman with serious issues – may want to think about it before bringing pen and paper into this.

    • Justsayin

      Has it occurred to anyone that this is what he likes about her?? Hello….he knew this before he even hooked up with her. If he wants to marry her, it’s because he wants to. I’m not a Brangie fan but one thing I do like about them getting married, is for the triangle to be over.

  20. God is Black

    Picture #1 says it all “cornuto contento!”Ask any Italian American and they will agree!

    • chupacabra

      I thought that too, but my Americanized version was to describe her as having that thousand yard stare, like “that guy, a thousand yards away looks bangable, and he’s the UPS guy, so doable.”

  21. Annie

    I don’t know why we even care about those two. I don’t know why she can’t help kids in America….I think the Jen Brad Angelina triangle has been over board. Don’t we have better things to do? I know I would rather stick a needle in my eye than worry about people I don’t know or don’t care about.

  22. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Great news I love them and their family. Thank you, Fish!

  23. UnholyKrep

    The first thing everyone should remember about these two is th……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  24. Ravenal

    I hope they do get hitched! I haven’t read about a juicy Hollywood
    divorce……. in say…….20 minutes!

  25. Satan's bitch

    It’s times like this when I really miss Randal.

  26. Dick

    Do it!!!! Do it do it

  27. Eric

    It’s time to eat more than twice a month Angelina, your arm needs it.

  28. shteen

    That’s the last bj he’ll ever get. “I do….just not you honey.”

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