Blake Shelton Tells Westboro Baptist To Blow Him

September 26th, 2013 // 23 Comments
Blake Shelton
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Before I begin, if you’re wondering how Blake Shelton is even still alive to tweet after stealing Kathie Lee and Hoda’s wine, their dungeon has WiFi. Now that’s taken care of, here’s the latest round of country music stars making me like them despite hating 98% of their audience. This time Blake decided to tell Westboro Baptist Church members to blow him for planning to picket his October 2 concert because Miranda Lambert is his second wife. Once you tell God you’re going to stick your penis in one hole, it’s that hole for the rest of the life or there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Which, ironically, is also a metaphor for marriage, so now you see why I don’t listen to The Bible:




If anyone needs me, I’ll be sampling Skoal and getting one of those poop-snake license plates that say, “Don’t Tread On Me.” Hold my calls. THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter Photo: Getty


  1. crb

    Please, can’t someone just call in an airstrike on Kathie-Lee and Ho-Ho?

    I mean, ALL the airforces in the world can’t be on vacation.

  2. Cock Dr

    The incredible yap on that one woman distracts from….what are we talking about? Country music? Wine?

  3. that old cackling hen Kathie Lee imagines she looks like Jennifer Garner in the previous post. She’s dripping whore vibe all over Blake’s shoulder, who could not care less.

  4. Firecrotch McBatshit

    I guessthat’s proof that while country music stars might play down to most of their audience, they may actually be smarter than anyone gives them credit for.

    Still don’t care for country music, but kudos to Blake Shelton!

  5. Good for him. Still don’t like country music, though.

  6. LOL…. “poop snake”

  7. The Pope

    Know who else banged a married woman? GOD!

    • malaka

      that’s brilliant man.
      i guess god hates himself and has several severe personality disorders.

    • crb

      Technically, Jesus’ momma all kinds a dirty.

      Unwed mother back in the day!?? Tsk, tsk, tsk.

      Even the pastors at church would occasionally joke that Joseph fell for the oldest lie there is.

    • sc4play

      Technically, she wasn’t married when the conception occurred. Just sayin’.

  8. malaka

    i’m not here to dispute that a lot of mainstream country music is terrible. i do however feel like there are numerous exceptions as well as several points regarding how country music is the foundation and inspiration of many other artists, songs and sounds.
    genres are just as much about marketing as anything else.
    and the words country and music together barely mean anything.

    there are many forms of folk music. personally, i think that bluegrass is wonderful. on a side note, i think that a lot of baptist choir gospel music is also very powerful and i’m not the least bit religious.

    music is its own reward. it really has nothing to do with the industry most often associated with it.
    the motion of sound is a universal language that if created for the right reasons, always tells the truth.
    life music is music in its purist form. and yet there’s nothing quite like vinyl.

    anyways.. johnny cash is cool. bob dylan is cool.
    bob seger is cool. mick jagger is cool.
    willie nelson is cool. neil young is cool. steve martin is cool.
    earl scruggs is cool. ricky skaggs is cool. alison krauss is cool.

    i don’t give a crap about the nashville scene.
    i don’t recognize any music hall of fame as the least bit relevant.
    i think that the grammies as well as other award shows are a joke.

    it took me a while to warm up to certain branches of hip hop.
    hip hop can be unusual not just because its not always 100% original material but because a lot of that culture involves selling out. which for the most part goes against everything the art form represents.
    but still, if people can feel the music and they are making it for the right reasons, then it is real. as long as the musicians enjoy creating it, it is likely that other people will enjoy listening to it.

  9. TMI Buddy

    Um, has he SEEN any of these WBC women? They ain’t exactly “ass spankin’” material. Maybe a “couple paper bags and a bottle of Jack Daniels” material, but that’s about as good looking as these women get.

  10. “…a vulgar adulterer hated by God…”

    If “God” hates Blake Shelton so much, then how about all you assholes stay home and let God handle his own picketing.

    • hey-o!!!
      because those self-righteous pricks need something to keep them in the headlines for more than 5 seconds since everyone on Earth knows their “church” is a joke.

    • No Zimmerman References? WTF?

      Jeebus Christ, this isn’t even about God’s wrath. WBC major motivation are court settlements. This is how they earn their living. Their MO is to piss people off enough that they do something stupid, then WBC takes them to court. They are nothing more than con men.

      If they really believed in their message, they wouldn’t picket at all, since they believe they are the ONLY people going to heaven, so why bother with the rest of us?

      Even some weirdo Jesus freak can understand that shit.

  11. lvngd3dgrl

    I can not even begin to describe how ecstatic I am to know that Blake Shelton told WBC to blow him! lmao. That’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all week. What the hell is wrong with those assholes? If they really cared so much about what the Bible says they should try following every aspect of it. Haven’t they ever read the Ten Commandments? I’m pretty sure they’ve failed to follow a few of those themselves!

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