The Kardashians Are Going To Stretch This Rob Thing Out

Because it’s been impossible to get any traction on her “Scott kills himself on Splash Mountain” storyline, Kris Jenner decided she needs to milk all she can from her son’s ample teats even though at this point it tastes entirely like hot dogs and Mountain Dew Code Red. Except Rob Kardashian is not playing along, because aside from that one time Kim was drunk and thought he was Fat Joe, Black Chyna is the one woman who let him consistently touch her vagina, so he’s clinging to that shit, no matter how many Eggos she steals. But the rest of the whore brigade is not having that shit, and they’ve circled their asses. Via TMZ:

Our sources say Kim, Khloe and Kourtney are tired of Rob and Chyna’s constant off-and on-cycle … and Saturday’s blowup was too much to forget. We’re told they’re not taking sides either … they think both are to blame.

Wait, Kourtney is tired of someone else’ off-and on-cycle relationship? BAHAHAHA! *wipes tear* Oh, that is rich. Thank you. I actually needed that. Seriously, the balls on these women might actually be bigger than their asses. Anyway, since this whole episode is horseshit, here’s the part where I imagine a planning meeting at Casa Del Puta Gordo and put it here so I get paid money. Enjoy.

Minutes from Kardashian Family Meeting – 12/20/16

Item 1: Track and tranquilize Khloe. She’s in the rut this time of year, so she will be agitated and confused. Proceed with extreme caution.
Item 2: Make Scott watch Kourtney and Justin Bieber sex tape again, preferably right before he gets on the Jungle Cruise.
Item 3: Keep pretending we aren’t paying Blac Chyna to fuck with Rob until we figure out how to get him to kill himself at Disneyland.
Item 4: Kylie is booked for Trump’s post Inauguration private party so she needs to be fully serviced and read–OHMYGOD KHLOE, NO!! BACK!! WHO LEFT THE PADLOCK OFF THE TRASHCANS?!

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