Brace Yourselves for Blac Chyna’s Rap Debut

Blac Chyna is going to be a rapper now because hip hop is really easy if you don’t work your entire life pursuing it and can afford to pay people to do it for you.

Am I the only one who was surprised that this hasn’t happened already? I thought that as soon as she scored that anchor baby from Rob “Blob” Kardashian she had him foot the bill for a maternity mixtape that we all forgot about? Maybe I’m confusing her with the 9,345,211 other celebrities that undeservingly paid their way into a record deal, but whatever.

I’m sure it will be awesome(ly terrible). Besides, the stripper-turned-uterus-gold-miner has had enough sub-par rappers inside of her that you’d think she would have picked up some over-utilized cadence tips by now. According to a (respectfully cynical) source at PageSix:

“All the majors are listening, and, sadly, she will likely get a deal. If she lands it, somebody will be stupid enough to give her a seven-figure advance.”

We’re told the former exotic dancer has already turned down a deal with a major label.

“She wants the music to be right,” a source close to her told us.

Chyna reached a custody agreement with Kardashian for their daughter, Dream, on Friday.

If the announcement of your music career is immediately followed up by the fact that you just reached a custody agreement with a Kardashian (albeit the dumbest, brokest one), you should probably check your celebrity entitlement and head for the hills before somebody gets sued… again.

On the other hand this is 2017. Pop culture has devolved into a massively hot diaper of a shit show so I wouldn’t be surprised if she jumped right in with a debut single on the Hot 100. The bar is pretty low right now considering that the girl who got famous for saying five and a half words on Dr. Phil just signed a multi-album deal with Atlantic Records… seriously.