Blac Chyna Packed Up The Gold Baby And Ran

If you made it through the weekend blissfully unaware that Blac Chyna left Rob Kardashian and ran off with their barely month-old baby, congratulations, you’re living your life wisely even if reading this site suggests the exact opposite. So let’s break this shit down because it’s less than a week before Christmas, and there’s not a goddamn thing happening. Which is something to keep in mind because the Kardashians are very aware of that fact. Also, Rob & Chyna was renewed for a second season just a few days ago, so if you’re not picturing Kris Jenner working puppet strings over a boiling cauldron right now then you clearly don’t possess the Seer Stone. (I’ve got two!)

She Says

According to Blac Chyna and her mom Tokyo Toni (Yup.), Rob is a verbally abusive, insecure fatass who was constantly messaging other bitches while accusing Blac Chyna of doing the same with other dudes. Which has pretty much been their entire relationship from the jump. Also bolstering her case is the fact that (99.9% definitely) Rob hacked into Blac Chyna’s Instagram and started blasting her alleged direct messages all over the internet where we learned that Jaden Smith – The Jaden Smith. – was trying to get into that ass. PEOPLE reports:

In another post, the hacker shared an alleged conversation between Chyna and Kylie Jenner‘s ex-boyfriend Jaden Smith. The 18-year-old son of Will Smith says he thinks “this Kylie-Tyga s—-” is “sus” (a slang term for scandalous) and that he thinks we “need to sit down with a glass of wine and talk about our feelings.”
“I know it’s hard … If u wanna talk that’s fine … Not over wine tho,” Chyna allegedly responded, with a winky face emoji.

“Sit down with a glass of wine and talk about our feelings.” BAHAHAHA! Oh, to be a stupid 18-year-old kid with no game again. “Let’s light a Yankee Candle and just cuddle.” *waits 25 years for a handjob to materialize*

He Says

According to Probably Rob The Hacker, Blac Chyna was planning this whole thing all along and already talked to a lawyer about trademarking herself as Angela Kardashian, which the Kardashians have been fighting against since the second the name was farted into this realm:

In one post, the hacker showed a screenshot of what they claimed was a conversation with Chyna’s lawyer where she said she wasn’t going to “ask Kris” before attempting to trademark her name before her wedding.
“So shady and look how she says until we win,” the hacker wrote in a caption of the text conversation. “Stop using Rob! You already had his baby out of spite !!”

Since then, Rob has been posting a bunch of weepy Instagram videos (then deleting them) about how empty his house is, and how much he misses his daughter – Blac Chyna says he can see Dream anytime, but hasn’t showed up. – and can I stop caring about this now? I really want to stop caring.

So here’s the bottom line, Blac Chyna is clearly more of a Kardashian than Kris Jenner’s own daughters. I mean, Jesus Christ, she pooped that kid out and ran the fuck out the door with the umbilical cord still dragging behind her. Why couldn’t Kim do that? Oh, right, she managed to have two kids with the one superstar rapper who turned out to be $55 million in the hole. And let’s not even talk about Kylie who somehow couldn’t get a horny, teenage Jaden Smith to knock her up. She should be carting around a toddler that lays golden eggs made out of Will Smith’s money by now. These kids today, amirite?

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