Blac Chyna Dyed Her Hair Unicorn to Really Stick It to Rob, Guys

TMZ reports that Rob Kardashian has finally come to his senses and cut off Chyna the Blac from his payroll after he somehow just put 2 and 2 together that she was using him to buy drugs and sleep with random dudes named after foreign cars. She seems to be alright however, as she was sent back from the subterranean lake of Moria with rainbow hair. From this point forward she will continue her quest to ensure that all C-list rappers in LA never obtain too much power from any of the Elven rings.

Basically she says she’s just fine financially without Rob’s support. She’s got 13 million Instagram followers to make quick cash off of and I’m sure a few seven digit offers from porn deals sitting around her manager’s office – which may or may not be located in a conspicuous-looking Chevy Astro parked in a Denny’s parking lot in Van Nuys.

So dawns a new day for Chyna the Unicorn Frappuccino, formerly known as Chyna the Blac, as she rides off into the sunset in a rented Audi. When she will return, none can say…