Stop Shoving Your Gay Stuff Down Billy Crystal’s Throat

[Ed. Note: Photo Boy wrote this up Tuesday morning under the impression that we’d actually be able to post, and he went balls to the walls here, so it’d be a shame to see it go to waste. Also, he just really, really hates Billy Crystal, and if this site is anything, it’s a giant grindstone for each and every one of our personal vendettas. With boobs. – SW]

Billy Crystal helped break barriers in the 70’s when he portrayed the first openly gay character to be a series regular as Jodie Dallas on Soap. Since then, his career has been a schlocky, tone deaf mug-fest moving from predictable, family-friendly comedies to award show hosting gigs to his one-man Broadway nostalgia dump about how his dad made him the Yankeeist Yankee fan or something. It’s all been the kind of broad, on-the-nose shit that his generation eats up, like Everybody Loves Raymond or whatever show Charlie Sheen’s in now, slyly nodding a what a scoundrel he is for 22 minutes of primetime. Which is why he’s not comfortable with subject matter relevant to people outside the old, wealthy, straight white comfort circle he’s made a living off for years. Via Huffington Post:

There were times where I would say to [the actor who played his boyfriend], ‘Bob, “I love you,’ and the audience would laugh nervously, because, you know, it’s a long time ago, that I’d feel this anger. I wanted to stop the tape and go, ‘What is your problem?’ Because it made you sort of very self-conscious about what we were trying to do then. And now it’s just, I see it and I just hope people don’t abuse it and shove it in our face — well, that sounds terrible — to the point of it just feels like an everyday kind of thing.

Just to clarify the “well that sounds terrible” part, he paused there, while the audience laughed, to mug for what actually was a gay blow job joke. Comedy’s all about timing, you know. And to be honest, that remark isn’t even that bad. Okay, Billy Crystal doesn’t want to watch guys fuck each other, fine, whatever. He then did an additional interview, focusing primarily on his issues with social media being the new PC comedy police, until he attempted to clarify that initial remark about gay scenes, removing all doubt that this was just the tip of the gay agenda iceberg. Via Xfinity TV Blog:

First of all, I don’t understand why there would be anything offensive that I said. When it gets too far either visually…now, that world exists because it does for the hetero world, it exists, and I don’t want to see that either. But when I feel it’s a cause, when I feel it’s “You’re going to like my lifestyle,” no matter what it is, I’m going to have a problem and there were a couple of shows I went ‘I couldn’t watch that with somebody else.” That’s fine. If whoever writes it or produces it…totally get it. It’s all about personal taste.

“You’re going to like my lifestyle.” It’s the classic knee jerk “Stop shoving your gay agenda in our faces,” response that a comedian of all people should have no business leaning on. In a conversation about how publicly scrutinized he is now for everything he and other comedians say, he makes disparaging remarks about someone else’s creative expression. That type of expression (you know, that launched his career in the 70’s) has been opening doors into areas of humanity previously been shunned out of fear or intolerance.

What Crystal and his ilk don’t get, or in his case have forgotten, is that GAY PEOPLE DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU LIKE THEIR LIFESTYLE. They’d just like to be represented as human beings who exist in society therefore exist in artistic endeavors. From that starting point maybe we can move on to equal rights in this country and not publicly executing them in others. Freedom of expression gets to go in whatever direction it wants, including here where I get to say please keep talking, Billy Crystal. As much as I’d actually love for you to go away, I want you to stick around and keep saying what so much of your generation is actually thinking, only they’d get fired, or at the very least not get invited to a Christmas cookie swap from a family with a gay son. But you can take the hit. It’s clearly the martyrdom you so desperately want.

Photo: Getty