Bill Murray’s divorce quickly finalized

June 26th, 2008 // 47 Comments

Bill Murray has quietly settled his divorce to wife Jennifer Butler Murray who accused him last month of domestic abuse, abandonment and drug addiction. She had argued his actions made their prenuptial invalid, but it did remain intact. Except that became a moot point because Jennifer was given three houses and custody of the children in the speedy settlement. I’m no legal expert, but I’m pretty sure she just dominated Bill’s shit. People reports:

Butler Murray, 42, has been granted primary custody of their four children and will keep the couple’s homes in Hemet, Calif. and Sullivan’s Island, S.C. Bill Murray, 57, must pay child support and will keep other property in California, New York and Massachusetts.
Bill Murray must also pay Jennifer a lump sum. The Murrays signed a prenuptial agreement in which Bill would pay his wife $7 million in a divorce, and, according to court documents, it is still valid.

Bill Murray’s lawyers had no statement on the settlement. Though I’m sure Bill probably wrote one that said: “Leave me alone to my scotch, hookers and random bottles of assorted pills I stole from a nursing home. Also, buy Ghostbuster DVDs. Lots of them. I can’t even afford to go into Starbucks. I’m typing on my MacBook Air, stealing Wi-Fi from behind a dumpster out back. I am fucking POOR, MATEYS. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” On a related note, he is taking blogging lessons from Kanye West at L’Acadamie de Douche.

Photos: Splash News

  1. cate

    I still love Lost in Translation. And the Royal Tenenbaums.

  2. goob

    Bill Murray, what happened to you?

    Oh yeah, someone else can have first.

  3. veggi

    Ah divorce, the best part of marriage!!

  4. What no “First” comment? I will be the first then

  5. goob

    Cate…whatever….spell your name right…

  6. Kanye West

    WHO YA GONNA CALL? SOME HOOKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Ted from LA

    He is also suffering from shrinking mouth syndrome.

  8. Bill Murray should’ve gone Ghostbusters on her ungrateful ass. So Bill likes pills and hookers – so what! This is America and his funny ass deserves whatever gets him off.

    #4 – you poor moronic douche bag of a troll. I’m sure you are some dumb 14yr old who thinks J-Lo and Jessica Simpson are talented and don’t even know what a douche is (look in the mirror as the Fish would say). Or, you are actually an adult and you can’t understand why your MENSA acceptance letter hasn’t arrived yet as you thumb through Guns & Ammo. Please, Douche-troll, get a life.

  9. Zane

    I’m disappointed. Where’s the story about a girl who’s a little fat? I thought this was a self-help site. I’m dying to read some more impassioned testimonials about body image and self-esteem. That never gets old.

  10. Bill Murray

    Gimme, gimme, gimme! I need! I need!

  11. Deacon Jones

    “We just had a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency. How’s the grid holding up?”

    “Not good”

    “Tell him about the twinkie”

    “What ABOUT the twinkie?

  12. TOOL

    It’s a Cinderella story

  13. nipolian

    If she got to keep custody of the kids……..I hope he got to at least keep custody of Gill.

  14. Uncle Eccoli

    Seems like he was glad to be rid of the bitch.

  15. M

    All that just to whore your lame Kanye West post?

  16. havoc

    Sounds like she got what she wanted.

    As usual……


  17. Wow, she made out like a bandit, what, did she take his clothes too? He looks like a friggin hobo..

  18. Guy

    Men: Don’t marry, and don’t agree to divorces to you did.

  19. Carl

    So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

  20. me not you

    I wish I understood why people have this intense need to get married. It seriously doesn’t seem worth it, especially when money enters the picture. If you have a good thing, don’t fuck with it.

  21. #20 – it’s simple. If you rape a girl you’re dating, you go to jail. If you rape your wife, you go to couples therapy. Maybe.

  22. Reg

    She finally got sick of being in an intimate moment and having him scream “it’s in the hole! IT’S IN THE HOLE!!!”

  23. spindoc

    The wife was ALL SET to drag this out, she had her “people” sending out stories that Murry was a drunk etc… then Bill’s lawyers dug up a bunch of reports and witnesses that she was a blind drunk alkie and suddenly she settles the divorce fast and quietly. Hypocritical bitch.

  24. Janice

    “and suddenly she settles the divorce fast and quietly” and gets everything from the prenup plus a shitload more, including custody of the kids. Yeah, she really caved. Retard.

  25. Deacon Jones

    Fuck da bitch!! Buy her a happy meal and boot her ass out the door Bill!

    “Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course”
    “Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’ll lock me up and throw away the key.”
    ” Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers, rodents! ”
    “We can do that. We don’t even need a reason”

  26. deacon jones is an idiot

    It’s true. 25 being point in case

  27. Sandy

    Jennifer Butler Murray: you go grrl!!! Woohoo!!! Took ‘em to the cleaners, just what he deserved.

  28. Yackem

    “Bark like a dog for me.”

    “I’ll show you the meaning of the word respect.”

    “I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.”

  29. Mike

    A house in Hemet, California? My estranged grandma lives there — it’s an armpit, a glorified trailer park. I think it also has something to do with Scientology. South Carolina was the hub of society in plantation pre-Civil War times, now I’m sure you could buy a mansion there for chump change. And I doubt that Bill Murray wants anything to do with his four kids. That would interfere with his drugs and hookers.

    He didn’t lose too much. The wife probably gained. Typical Hollywood marriage — they parasitized each other for a while and ended up alone.

  30. #22 – LOLOLOL Classic!

  31. Deacon Jones


    Whooo HOOOO! Good one baby! Stop, seriously, I cant take it anymore, too funny!

  32. Andrea

    Wow, that was a serious ball stomping by his wife. Gotta respect that.

  33. #22 I just got that, actually its kind of stupid, that joke was already posted a few threads ago when the site first reported it. Douche! No wait, Double Douche!

  34. Grunion

    Ball stomping? Please. Oh yeah I’m sure Bill’s destitute. Becuase he hasn’t any money hidden anywhere or anything . And unlike his wife he will continue to earn as the days go by, his residuals alone should cover that 7 milli in a couple years, while she makes jack. Good luck witht hat lump sum payment too, the IRS loves those.

  35. FCS

    #19 that may be the greatest soliloquy in all of movie history. Thanks for putting it up.

  36. NY Ted

    Shit…I wish I had did just a tenth of the drugs Bill Murray has pumped into his body! It would have been one fucking wild ride! Instead…I chose to live drug free! Because BEER is not a drug…is it…???

  37. The Fish

    @19 – Please keep your posts relevant to the post.

    Your computer will crash in 1… 2… 3…

    You suck!

  38. j

    Wow, I see 37 other posts, and not one person noticed that “Hemet, Calif. and Sullivan’s Island, S.C” is 2 houses, not 3 that The Superficial Writer wrote. Way to read.

  39. hey j

    Awe, give the superficial a break, he can’t add numbers and suck his boyfriends cock at the same time.

  40. Insatiable Peter

    “What blizzard? It’s just’a couple of flakes!”

  41. Gwen

    Just a random time of events here:

    1. Jennifer Murray files for divorce (May 12, 2008), alleging “adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment” by her husband, Bill Murray.
    2. A month later (June 9, 2008), a police report from Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina, surfaces and reports how Jennifer Murray “allegedly [got] drunk — and then violent with her kids”.
    3. Within 4 days, their divorce is official…with the prenuptial agreement intact.

    I’m no legal expert, but I’m pretty sure she might just be a bitch.

    Bill Murray’s lawyers didn’t have a statement because I suspect Bill Murray doesn’t give a shit what the media thinks. The whole Heather Mills thing spoiled entertainment news outlets; there are actually some people who don’t want their private lives splashed all over the interwebs.

  42. Lisa

    L’Acadamie de Douche? I hear Zane is a proffesor there.

  43. Kim Lardassian

    What an ugly fucker that man is, she must have been paid a shit load to marry someone so ugly, well except he’s rich so the good looking rule is invalid for many shallow women.

  44. OFCOURSE, which woman wants to live with such an ASSHOLE?

  45. Lindsay

    bill murray’s still got more bucks than you, you asshole, hack writer. shut your face. he and his ex are going though tough times, so fuck off.

  46. washington

    “Bill would pay his wife $7 million in a divorce”

    Awesome! Garfield 3,4,5, & 6 coming soon!

  47. shar

    I guess so, he definitely would not want his dirty laundry aired in court.
    It would make Brinkleys divorce proceedings read like a fairytale.

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