Bill Murray arrested for golf cart DUI

August 23rd, 2007 // 156 Comments
bill-murray-arrested.jpg

Bill Murray was stopped by Swedish police yesterday for drunkenly driving his golf cart back to his hotel. Reuters reports:

Murray was brought to Norrmalm police station, in the north of the city, and given a blood test for alcohol after he refused to take a breath test, said station commander Jan-Olov Lundgren. The American had been stopped while driving the golf cart from Cafe Opera, an upscale restaurant in the center of town, back to his hotel.

A golf cart is one of two vehicles you should be allowed to drive drunk. The thing goes three feet a minute. If you hit somebody with one, they pretty much deserved it for having the reflexes of a tuna sandwich. What’s the other vehicle I think you should be allowed to drive drunk? A speeder-bike from Return of the Jedi. I can’t go into the details due to pending litigation, but it basically involves myself, an Ewok and a Mai-tai the size of a dishwasher.

superficial

  1. Bonzo420

    First!! 420 bitches!!

  2. djthecat

    he looks so old now, it makes me sad.

  3. veggo

    Nice Bill! I almost got a DUI on my horse, but I fucking got away yo!

  4. steve

    Fish, I can’t quit you.
    Funny, funny commentary…ewok, mai tai….pure jedi genius.

  5. Chauncey Gardner

    He was set up by that fucking CADDYSHACK gopher!

  6. Hey Bonzo

    Hey Bonzo! here’s what women have been saying about your penis:
    31. I didn’t know they came that small.
    32. Why is God punishing you?
    33. At least this won’t take long.
    34. I never saw one like that before.
    35. What do you call this?
    36. But it still works, right?
    37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
    38. It looks so unused.
    39. Do you take steroids?
    40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
    41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
    42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
    43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
    44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
    45. Aww, it’s hiding.
    46. Are you cold?
    47. If you get me real drunk first.
    48. Is that an optical illusion?
    49. What is that?
    50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
    51. Were you neutered?
    52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
    53. Does it come with an air pump?
    54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
    55. Where are the puppet strings?
    56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
    57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
    58. Never mind, why bother.
    59. Is that a second belly button?
    60. Where’s the rest of it?

  7. Bonzo420

    Don’t be jealous — Succa! HA! 420

  8. Lexoka

    He probably wasn’t even drunk. If I’m not mistaken, in Sweden you can’t drive even if you only had one small beer.

  9. giblets

    The cops were pissed because every time they tried to ask him a question, he’d mutter “The crowd has gone deadly silent. A Cinderella story outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper…now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…IT’S IN THE HOLE! IT’S IN THE HOLE! IT’S IN THE HOLE!”

  10. hollyj

    Where did they dig up this photo of Bear Bryant?

  11. Nelson says ha-ha

    The “first” thing was maybe mildly annoying, at worst, but now it’s very entertaining to see somebody yell FIRST and light up the get-off-my-lawn crotchety dude. What a thing to get all bungholed up about…

  12. TS

    Bonzo, you seem pretty excited to be in the #1 position.

    You kidding me?
    Could you be more unoriginal?

  13. Stix

    ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
    Golf cart. All old people should drive them.

  14. Bonzo420

    TS — Hows this for original — BLOW ME ! hahaha 420 !

  15. hill

    THIS IS BILL MURRAY IN TRUE DRUNKEN FORM!!! I heard this on the radio this morning and laughed my ass off all the way to work!!!!!! The best part about this story? The head guy of the golf tournament isn’t going to press charges, he said “How can I hold a grudge against Bill Murray?!?” Hilarious.

  16. Redhead

    Did he age overnight? :( The things age does to us… I don’t wanna grow up!

  17. jbird

    I read a more complete article on this subject and it stated that Murray refused to take the test and stated that in America you don’t have to take blood alcohol tests for anything like this. You yanks DESERVE the ire of the world! The arrogance of assuming that your rights as Americans automatically apply no matter where you land on the globe. I’ve heard of other cases of Americans going to foreign countries and crying bloody murder because they break a law of that country and think that the punishment they have there is too harsh therefore it shouldn’t apply to ‘them’. Remember the whiny kid that was caned in that Asian country for vandalism? He, his parents and the whole whiney USA went on & on for weeks over how cruel the punishment was and how the [rich white American] boy shouldn’t be subjected to it.

  18. Bjorn Bjornsen

    I think I have the NORRMALM dark wood bedframe. I love it; so comfortable and stylish but a pitch to put together.

    Wait, this isn’t the IKEA blog…..

  19. veggo

    I bet Brit follows suit……drives golf cart around LA…. with dog in tow…..and still crashes.

  20. Sven Hoek

    “the reflexes of a tuna sandwich” LMFAO!!

    Finally, the FISH is back.

  21. stephanie

    Bonzo:
    We get it, you love marijuana.

    What do I love? I’d love to take you and every single goddamned annoying motherfucking cock-eating shit-licking ass-rimming old-man-feltching fist-fucking piece of fucked up pathetic diarreah coming out of the ass of an old syphilis infected boxcar hobo motherfucker who types “FIRST”, and rip their intestines out their asshole and make them eat it.

  22. Redhead

    Hey, jbird, it’s not all of us. I love the freedom we have in the U.S, but I could really do without Hitler-er, um, I mean Bush, in power right now. Not all of us think we don’t have to obey your laws when we’re in your country!

  23. Bonzo420

    i feel very small right now.

  24. USA to World: Blow Me

    jbird, here’s the deal: most of us act like we don’t have to follow the laws of other countries because most of the time those laws aren’t enforced (ultimately) against American tourists. It’s not about PR and sustaining tourism industries and all that. It’s because you’re afraid of us. And that’s the right thing for you to feel.

  25. stephanie

    mmmm… big Bonzo cawk in my ass …mmmmm 420!

  26. stephanie

    mmmm… big Bonzo cawk in my ass …mmmmm 420!

  27. cLOSER

    The other thing you should be allowed to ride drunk is a menstrual cycle.

  28. ipa

    bwahaahaaaha, the reflexes of a tuna sandwich! I think the new writer is on vacation and ol’ Carl had to sit down to write the comments for the last few days :D

  29. FOX News viewers

    USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

  30. veggo

    17- somebody didn’t eat their American donated foreign relief rice this morning

  31. hilarry

    Veggo, good one, man! still laughing! Hilarious!

    and who’s this bonzo loser?

  32. Bonzo is a fag, Bonzo is a fag, by the way 420

  33. Bonzo420

    No way USA. This cuntry susk. HA! 420

  34. Bonzo420

    Goodman
    You just jellus cause you cant not piss standing up.

  35. Carl Spackler

    Personally, I think the Swedes should charge the caddy for not carrying Mr. Murray (a fine fellow, great tipper) back to his hotel after dining. Why, when Mr. Murray was playing Bushwood last week, I picked him up from behind the steering wheel, hefted him over my shoulder, and plopped him right on the first tee. Didn’t even make him pay the greens fee. I sure hope Mr. Murray doesn’t get Judge Smails for his case – what a tight ass. No fun at all.

    Like I said, I admire Mr. Murray. He’s a good tipper. Not like when jumped ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I got on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I told them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they gave me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

  36. lambman

    it is pretty stupid that you can get a dui for riding a golf cart. But hey, here in America you can get one for riding a bike too! Equal oppertunity stupidity

  37. ssdd

    He’s not aging well……….57 … looks like 77

  38. ^J

    Yes, it seems like the real writer is back with us. Good stuff.

    I agree though, you can’t hold a grudge against Mr. Murray.

    ^J

  39. Apparently I can cause I R. Kelly’d your mom last night

  40. Bonzo420

    Can you feel the love in the air… kinda smells skunky… love you guys — every last one of ya– didn’t know that their were so many of me out there… keep up the good work fools– too funny!

    420! HOLLA!!

  41. stan

    This is far less skilled (and entertaining) than the cripple fight between Timmy and Jimmy.

  42. Bonzo420

    Goodman
    I do that to her all the time so you aint telling me nothing.
    you just playin ya self.

    Succa! 420!!

  43. Bonzo420

    Nigga gotta do what a nigga gotta do

  44. B. O'Reilly

    Actually he said he was officially “neutral” in regard to their laws. Then they were all quiet, remembering what total pussies they had been when the world needed them.

  45. pOnk

    30- LOL!

  46. Tribal Trombone

    I’ve done this before.
    So what?

  47. Bonzo420

    pOnk
    Watch you talking bout bitch?

  48. Photo Caption

    “Bill, when was the last time you had an erection without taking a pill first?”

  49. Ally

    I love drinking.

  50. veggo

    Hey Bozo, yer an idiot. Now go and make me a sammich!

Leave A Comment