Bill Murray was stopped by Swedish police yesterday for drunkenly driving his golf cart back to his hotel. Reuters reports:
Murray was brought to Norrmalm police station, in the north of the city, and given a blood test for alcohol after he refused to take a breath test, said station commander Jan-Olov Lundgren. The American had been stopped while driving the golf cart from Cafe Opera, an upscale restaurant in the center of town, back to his hotel.
A golf cart is one of two vehicles you should be allowed to drive drunk. The thing goes three feet a minute. If you hit somebody with one, they pretty much deserved it for having the reflexes of a tuna sandwich. What’s the other vehicle I think you should be allowed to drive drunk? A speeder-bike from Return of the Jedi. I can’t go into the details due to pending litigation, but it basically involves myself, an Ewok and a Mai-tai the size of a dishwasher.
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm
First!! 420 bitches!!
djthecat | August 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm
he looks so old now, it makes me sad.
veggo | August 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Nice Bill! I almost got a DUI on my horse, but I fucking got away yo!
steve | August 23, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Fish, I can’t quit you.
Funny, funny commentary…ewok, mai tai….pure jedi genius.
Chauncey Gardner | August 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm
He was set up by that fucking CADDYSHACK gopher!
Hey Bonzo | August 23, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Hey Bonzo! here’s what women have been saying about your penis:
31. I didn’t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won’t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn’t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it’s hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I’ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where’s the rest of it?
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Don’t be jealous — Succa! HA! 420
Lexoka | August 23, 2007 at 1:16 pm
He probably wasn’t even drunk. If I’m not mistaken, in Sweden you can’t drive even if you only had one small beer.
giblets | August 23, 2007 at 1:18 pm
The cops were pissed because every time they tried to ask him a question, he’d mutter “The crowd has gone deadly silent. A Cinderella story outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper…now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…IT’S IN THE HOLE! IT’S IN THE HOLE! IT’S IN THE HOLE!”
hollyj | August 23, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Where did they dig up this photo of Bear Bryant?
Nelson says ha-ha | August 23, 2007 at 1:21 pm
The “first” thing was maybe mildly annoying, at worst, but now it’s very entertaining to see somebody yell FIRST and light up the get-off-my-lawn crotchety dude. What a thing to get all bungholed up about…
TS | August 23, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Bonzo, you seem pretty excited to be in the #1 position.
You kidding me?
Could you be more unoriginal?
Stix | August 23, 2007 at 1:22 pm
ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Golf cart. All old people should drive them.
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:24 pm
TS — Hows this for original — BLOW ME ! hahaha 420 !
hill | August 23, 2007 at 1:25 pm
THIS IS BILL MURRAY IN TRUE DRUNKEN FORM!!! I heard this on the radio this morning and laughed my ass off all the way to work!!!!!! The best part about this story? The head guy of the golf tournament isn’t going to press charges, he said “How can I hold a grudge against Bill Murray?!?” Hilarious.
Redhead | August 23, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Did he age overnight? :( The things age does to us… I don’t wanna grow up!
jbird | August 23, 2007 at 1:28 pm
I read a more complete article on this subject and it stated that Murray refused to take the test and stated that in America you don’t have to take blood alcohol tests for anything like this. You yanks DESERVE the ire of the world! The arrogance of assuming that your rights as Americans automatically apply no matter where you land on the globe. I’ve heard of other cases of Americans going to foreign countries and crying bloody murder because they break a law of that country and think that the punishment they have there is too harsh therefore it shouldn’t apply to ‘them’. Remember the whiny kid that was caned in that Asian country for vandalism? He, his parents and the whole whiney USA went on & on for weeks over how cruel the punishment was and how the [rich white American] boy shouldn’t be subjected to it.
Bjorn Bjornsen | August 23, 2007 at 1:28 pm
I think I have the NORRMALM dark wood bedframe. I love it; so comfortable and stylish but a pitch to put together.
Wait, this isn’t the IKEA blog…..
veggo | August 23, 2007 at 1:29 pm
I bet Brit follows suit……drives golf cart around LA…. with dog in tow…..and still crashes.
Sven Hoek | August 23, 2007 at 1:29 pm
“the reflexes of a tuna sandwich” LMFAO!!
Finally, the FISH is back.
stephanie | August 23, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Bonzo:
We get it, you love marijuana.
What do I love? I’d love to take you and every single goddamned annoying motherfucking cock-eating shit-licking ass-rimming old-man-feltching fist-fucking piece of fucked up pathetic diarreah coming out of the ass of an old syphilis infected boxcar hobo motherfucker who types “FIRST”, and rip their intestines out their asshole and make them eat it.
Redhead | August 23, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Hey, jbird, it’s not all of us. I love the freedom we have in the U.S, but I could really do without Hitler-er, um, I mean Bush, in power right now. Not all of us think we don’t have to obey your laws when we’re in your country!
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:32 pm
i feel very small right now.
USA to World: Blow Me | August 23, 2007 at 1:35 pm
jbird, here’s the deal: most of us act like we don’t have to follow the laws of other countries because most of the time those laws aren’t enforced (ultimately) against American tourists. It’s not about PR and sustaining tourism industries and all that. It’s because you’re afraid of us. And that’s the right thing for you to feel.
stephanie | August 23, 2007 at 1:35 pm
mmmm… big Bonzo cawk in my ass …mmmmm 420!
stephanie | August 23, 2007 at 1:36 pm
mmmm… big Bonzo cawk in my ass …mmmmm 420!
cLOSER | August 23, 2007 at 1:36 pm
The other thing you should be allowed to ride drunk is a menstrual cycle.
ipa | August 23, 2007 at 1:38 pm
bwahaahaaaha, the reflexes of a tuna sandwich! I think the new writer is on vacation and ol’ Carl had to sit down to write the comments for the last few days :D
FOX News viewers | August 23, 2007 at 1:39 pm
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
veggo | August 23, 2007 at 1:40 pm
17- somebody didn’t eat their American donated foreign relief rice this morning
hilarry | August 23, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Veggo, good one, man! still laughing! Hilarious!
and who’s this bonzo loser?
The One and Only REAL Goodman | August 23, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Bonzo is a fag, Bonzo is a fag, by the way 420
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:44 pm
No way USA. This cuntry susk. HA! 420
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Goodman
You just jellus cause you cant not piss standing up.
Carl Spackler | August 23, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Personally, I think the Swedes should charge the caddy for not carrying Mr. Murray (a fine fellow, great tipper) back to his hotel after dining. Why, when Mr. Murray was playing Bushwood last week, I picked him up from behind the steering wheel, hefted him over my shoulder, and plopped him right on the first tee. Didn’t even make him pay the greens fee. I sure hope Mr. Murray doesn’t get Judge Smails for his case – what a tight ass. No fun at all.
Like I said, I admire Mr. Murray. He’s a good tipper. Not like when jumped ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I got on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I told them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they gave me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
lambman | August 23, 2007 at 1:49 pm
it is pretty stupid that you can get a dui for riding a golf cart. But hey, here in America you can get one for riding a bike too! Equal oppertunity stupidity
ssdd | August 23, 2007 at 1:49 pm
He’s not aging well……….57 … looks like 77
^J | August 23, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Yes, it seems like the real writer is back with us. Good stuff.
I agree though, you can’t hold a grudge against Mr. Murray.
^J
The One and Only REAL Goodman | August 23, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Apparently I can cause I R. Kelly’d your mom last night
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Can you feel the love in the air… kinda smells skunky… love you guys — every last one of ya– didn’t know that their were so many of me out there… keep up the good work fools– too funny!
420! HOLLA!!
stan | August 23, 2007 at 1:51 pm
This is far less skilled (and entertaining) than the cripple fight between Timmy and Jimmy.
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Goodman
I do that to her all the time so you aint telling me nothing.
you just playin ya self.
Succa! 420!!
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Nigga gotta do what a nigga gotta do
B. O'Reilly | August 23, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Actually he said he was officially “neutral” in regard to their laws. Then they were all quiet, remembering what total pussies they had been when the world needed them.
pOnk | August 23, 2007 at 1:58 pm
30- LOL!
Tribal Trombone | August 23, 2007 at 1:59 pm
I’ve done this before.
So what?
Bonzo420 | August 23, 2007 at 2:00 pm
pOnk
Watch you talking bout bitch?
Photo Caption | August 23, 2007 at 2:01 pm
“Bill, when was the last time you had an erection without taking a pill first?”
Ally | August 23, 2007 at 2:02 pm
I love drinking.
veggo | August 23, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Hey Bozo, yer an idiot. Now go and make me a sammich!