Britney Spears. A bikini. VEGAS! This time terror doubles down

I lounge with a stiff drink in my hands. My wounds from that creature, that ABOMINATION, still stung from the chlorine in the pool. But I’m safe here. We left it for dead in Costa Rica. Thousands of miles away. I sip from my whiskey. Ah, Vegas, you make everything better. For a moment, I close my eyes and savor the sun.


NO! How?! Not here! My God, the people… Is there nowhere a man can gamble without fear of mastication by forces unknown? More importantly, I just had this room comped.


Let this be the final countdown, monster. Today, one man fights back – with a vengeance. And, also, a lounge chair slathered in bacon. EN GARDE!

Photos: Flynet