Beyonce’s Probably Fake Pregnant Again

May 14th, 2013 // 7 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Like any great illusionist, Beyonce is a master of misdirection. Remember when she secretly incanted Illuminati spells instead of singing the national anthem at our Secret Muslim Dear Leader’s second inauguration? Well, now she’s pretending her doctors have ordered her to cancel shows, which she knows will jumpstart the pregnancy rumors, but I’m calling it now this is all just an elaborate ruse for some type of heist. People reports:

In an email to The Associated Press, the singer’s publicist says BeyoncĂ© has been advised by her doctors to rest. She was scheduled to perform at the Sportpaleis in Antwerp. The show will be rescheduled and tickets can be used at that show.

Antwerp, huh? Keep that in mind the next time you guys are all like, “Holy shit, look, her baby bump just fold in half!” because ALAKAZAM *Diamond Bank disappears* WHO RUN THE WORLD?!!

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INF DailyWENN

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  1. ThisWillHurt

    “Vaz dah stahn?”
    *pistol whip*
    “Vaz dah stahn?”
    *pistol whip*
    “Vah iz dah stahhhhhhn?”

  2. Alex

    Easily one of the most beautiful celebrities of all time–she’s gorgeous. Which is why I am very sad to announce, she’s a fucking idiot. Have you ever heard this woman speak?

  3. She can fake a billion pregnancies and still no one will give a fuck about her. It’s over Beyonce. Enough with the Pepsi and H&M commercials. Like you really need the money…

  4. No. Not all o’ that. None of it, in fact. Just fuck off, OK?
    Were she a guy with equal talent she would be a gas station attendant, or maybe making mocha frappuccino for people with talent.

  5. Professor Chaos

    I really don’t understand why anybody would give a damn even if she was pregnant. She was hot like 10 years ago but she’s WAY past her prime. Plus, she’s a moron.

  6. Beyonce Pregnant MET Gala
    Herman Bumfudle
    Commented on this photo:

    wow. hi beautiful mama.

  7. Bobbo

    Beyonce is nothing but a paintjob.

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