Beyonce knows how to lose weight

August 16th, 2006 // 190 Comments
beyonce-syrup.jpg

To lose 20 pounds for her latest movie role, Beyonce reportedly used the “maple syrup” diet which consists of mixing maple syrup with water, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper and drinking it as a daily meal replacement. A dietician who works with the British group Weight Concern says:

“The problem is not what’s in the diet but what’s not. There are no fats, proteins, vitamins or minerals and the only carbohydrate is in the form of sugar… People would start to feel very lethargic and would be unable to concentrate… They will probably end up in hospital, especially people who try it for more than 10 days.”

Sounds pretty healthy to me. Although I’ve got my own version of the maple syrup diet. It goes a little something like this. You don’t get all the nutrients of Beyonce’s version, but boy does it go down smooth.

superficial

  1. Ron K

    Let’s play school.

    “oh whatever u dim wit, something’s wrong with this site”

    should be:

    “Oh whatever, you dim wit. Something’s wrong with this site.”

    See how that works? No? Maybe you’re the dim wit. Trick.

  2. RichPort

    I didn’t understand #100 because it wasn’t in FUCKING CAPS.

  3. danielle

    umm. no one was even talking to your ass so, you’re the DIM WIT….geesh go check in to a psych ward, people who talk to themselves need all the help they can get.

  4. danielle

    HOW ABOUT I CAP MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS. would that make it clearer?

  5. Ron K

    @104 – What are you, 12? Dumbass.

  6. Ron K

    @103 – You called me a dim wit, so I’m defending myself by calling you a dumbass.

  7. danielle

    READ MY LIPS: I WAS NOT TALK-ING TO YOU! HELLO! MY SUGGESTIONS WERE DIRECTED TOWARDS BEEVER OR WHATEVER THE HELL HIS NAME IS.

    MIND YOUR BUSINESS NEXT TIME.

  8. jrzmommy

    103, 105 & 106 — I sware this sounds like “chocolate milk time” at my house every weekday morning between 7:15 and 7:30 before I bring my 6 and 3 year olds to school. only the three year old says “stoopit ath”

    to which the six year old replies “i’m not a stupid ass and STOP SAYING BAD WORDS AND CALLING ME NAMES!”

    and then the three year old says “awwww, you said stoopit ath. i’m telling”

    and then the six year old says “I didn’t call you a stupid ass you said stupid ass…”

    You see where I’m going with this, right?

  9. danielle

    AND 104 WAS DIRECTED TOWARDS SOMEONE ELSE.

    STOP PRYING IN OTHER PEOPLES CONVERSATIONS, NOW WHOSE 12 EXACTLY?

  10. danielle

    actually no, i dont see where you are going…so please just go somewhere where someone does.

  11. jrzmommy

    110–I’m saying you sound like a three year old and a six year old. wow, you’re one dumb cunt, aren’t you?

  12. Ron K

    @ 109 – You. Sorry jrzmommy, couldn’t help myself.

  13. danielle

    actually it’s you mother who’s a
    (CUNT- who uses this word? are we on the OC or Laguna Beach, or some shit)…anyways

    *because she would have to be in order to ever give birth to something as ridiculously useless as yourself.

  14. danielle

    Ron KKK please get a life and realize that you’re no older or wiser than the gum on my shoe.

  15. RichPort

    #104 An online tough guy? That’s it, I’m sneaking into your projects and, if I have enough breath after running up 27 flights of stairs with the lights shot out, I’m ripping that Beyonce poster off your wall and feeding it to you. Idiot.

  16. danielle

    ..heheheh(yawn.) i’ll be sure to stop by your trailer later on to tell BUBBA to kick your ass…whenever you get out of the PORT-O-POTTY.

  17. jrzmommy

    I wouldn’t necessarily call moms a cunt. She’s an absolute grade-A bitch sometimes, and I mean a real bitch– but I wouldn’t call her a cunt. Cunt is reserved for mouthy dirtbag chicks who don’t get much respect, like #113. Bitch has a more, I dunno, WORLDLY ring to it, like good old mom. I’m more of a combo bitch/broad. I have a sister who’s just a broad and one who is a bitch. But, yep, cunt seems to fit you. Using all them caps we should call you DanYELL. DanYELL the cunt…there we go.

  18. LL

    Even though I had to scroll through about 20 lengthy posts about it, I gotta call bullshit on the “cleanse” thing. It’s another word for “fast,” and of course you’re gonna lose weight when all you’re consuming is sugar water and lemon. As for eliminating toxins, we already have something that does that, it’s called a liver. And Beyonce can try to “cleanse” all the toxins she wants, but if she lives in LA, it’s not gonna do her any good, cause she’s breathing in that shitty polluted air. She’s gonna have to eat horrible toxin-filled food eventually, or she’ll end up looking like Nicole, and nobody wants that. Eat something, Beyonce. Everybody with a brain thinks you look OK the way you are. Don’t turn away from the bootylicious. Peace out. Oh, and RichPort rules. I need an exercise program like that.

  19. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    DANIELLE STOP FUCKING TYPING IN CAPS YOU ANNOYING TWAT!

  20. jrzmommy

    119–It’s DanYELL. DanYELL the cunt.

  21. @114 DanYELL. It’d be hard for me to be Ron KKK since I’m BLACK. Dumbass. K is for Killings, as in the wrestler. No, I’m not him, but I tell the Truth – which is his nickname.

    http://www.tnawrestling.com/roster/ronkillings

  22. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    @121..Yeah gotta throw out the “racist” card right? We couldn’t possibly be tearing her asshole apart because she’s a dumb fucking munter and she TYPES IN CAPS. No. It must be her race.

  23. RichPort

    Isn’t Bubba that Black guy from Forrest Gump… he likes Beyonce too??? You’re that chick who sat alone in the lunchroom, aren’t you, never getting called on when you raised your hand, the one who would sit on her project steps looking up at the stars like Fivel, singing “Somewhere Out There”? Ok sweetie, school time’s over. Back to topic: I’d hit Beyonce so hard danYELL would get pregnant, even though ‘she’ is technically a dude.

    #118 – Thanks for the props… just reporting the facts…

  24. Ron K

    @122 – she called me Ron KKK. I resent being placed in the same category of racists. I wasn’t throwing out the race card. I think she’s stupid because she’s…well…um…stupid.

  25. Bogart

    This is a funny post, but actually this diet is legit. I know because I’ve done it. The syrup used is raw syrup, not the sugary stuff you use on pancakes, and it DOES contain many vitamins and minerals and less sugar than you’d think. Yes, it cleanses the body including the liver and there is no energy loss during the diet.

  26. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    @124…No I meant her. Not you. Its all good.

  27. radio4play

    omg what a bunch of fucktards

    thank you SF for expanding my vocab

    dip dip

  28. danielle

    seriously RON i could give a less shit if you were albino..go suck ass.

    HAIRY BEAVER, FUCKPORT, AND WHOEVER ELSE FITS INTO THE CATEGORY OF 10 YEAR OLD DEFORMED LITTLE BOYS:

    go watch cartoons, suck a lollipop, and hump a monkey.

  29. jrzmommy

    DanYELL the cunt just told you guys to go hump a monkey. thank god I’m not a deformed 10 year old little boy…BUT A 200 YEAR OLD FIRE BREATHING MONSTER WITH A BIG LOUD BOOMY VOICE COMING TO EAT SCREAMY LOUD SHOUTER PEOPLE WHO USE CAPS LOCK TOO MUCH AND GET PISSY WITH PEOPLE AND ARE LOUD AND CALL BLACK PEOPLE KKK PEOPLE LOUDLY MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’M MAKING LOUD STOMPY NOISES NOW DANYELL THE CUNT AND I’M GOING TO GRAB YOU BY YOUR PENCIL NECK AND SNAP IT IN TWO AND WATCH YOUR LOUD SCREAMY HEAD POP OFF!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  30. danielle

    …………………..this clearly explains what race and gender your dumb casper the ghost ass is.

    lay off the caffenine.

  31. jrzmommy

    How does that explain my race and gender? I mean, I thought the “mommy” part of my name kinda gave a dead giveaway that I’m a chick, but I could be blacker than the ace of spades, Danyell the cunt.

  32. danielle

    cunt (knt)
    n. Vulgar Slang
    1. The female genital organs.
    2. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
    3.
    a. Offensive Used as a disparaging term for a woman.
    b. Used as a disparaging term for a person one dislikes or finds extremely disagreeable.

    ——————————————————————————–

    this is what it states on your birth certificate. go get hit by a bus you gay crab infested whore.

  33. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    @132…Wow, I’m impressed you figured out how to Google Cunt. Although, you probably had to cut and paste the word into the search bar, seeing as you probably couldn’t remember how to spell it from memory.

    Now STFU you dirty munter. Google that!

  34. Tits_McGhee

    I know how to lose weight too. Ingredients involve cocaine, alcohol, (not beer, hard stuff) and lots of man juice. It’s a big hit. It’s called the Lindsay/Paris/whore diet. It’s made a big comeback from the 80′s.

  35. RichPort

    danielle (dan-YELL)

    n. Vulgar Slang
    1. The female genital organs.
    2. Sexual intercourse with a woman.
    3.
    a. Offensive Used as a disparaging term for a woman.
    b. Used as a disparaging term for a person one dislikes or finds extremely disagreeable.
    4. Idiot who has inferiority complex, generally small, mouse like, and hideous; common traits include severe bouts of self-hate and illusions of ever being funny; see also: ASSHOLE

  36. RichPort

    #128 – Why would I hump you..? I mean thanks for the offer, but I’ll stick with Beyonce. And of course by thanks I mean go fuck yourself, and by stick with Beyonce, I of course mean stick Beyonce.

  37. krisdylee

    Hump… that’s a funny word.

    And personally, I LOVE the word cunt. I find it has that shock value to get my point across, plus you can mix it up with other words to sound really awesome.

    For example:

    Cunty McCunterson
    Deliciously cunty
    That’s cuntastic

    That is all.

  38. Bambella

    well that would certainly explain her lastest video… I have not been able to watch more than a few seconds of it for fear of having a seizure.

  39. Jan E-J

    If I have to look at one more picture of Beyonce, back to the camera, tits straight out, grinning like a huge fool, sticking her giant, stupid, monstrous ass cheeks (weight loss or not, they are still friggin HUGE) straight into the camera one more time, I believe I will vomit. Not for sure, but I think it will happen. Urgh.

  40. danielle

    again…WANNA PET MY BEAVER (stupid ass name)

    i don’t remember addressing you. go back to screwing you mother and watching jerry springer…your assistance is no longer neeeded.

    and RICHPORT stop being sooooo desperate. are you really that much of a hobag that you need to continue posting absurd antics?
    FAGPORT should be your screename because thats what you’re acting like.

    in case you don’t know the defentition here it is:

    FAGPORT-(n.)a useless low-life, who rapes dogs in the night.

    -(v.)of, or having herpes and crabs.

    i.e.-also see DIRTY WHORE REJECT*

    ——————————————

  41. Robin

    #108–Exactly!!!
    I get that with my 15yo, 10yo and 5yo DAILY!
    LOLOLOLOL!!!!

  42. danielle

    and once againd asswipe…if anything, i look 300x better then your ass will ever hope to be.

    so go call your whore of a mother a monkey, since thats thee only thing you’re humping these days.

  43. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    @142 I don’t usually like to pick on the mentally disabled, or argue with cunts on here for more than a day, but…

    I am female.

    Beaver=vagina. cunt. pussy. etc.

    In other words that stank ass thing between your legs that is growing over with mold cos nobody’s stuck a dick in it since your daddy when you were 11.

    Hope that helps.

  44. danielle

    and i myself, do not argue with childish trailerpark trash on a regular basis, but i’ll make an exception for your skanky ass.

    Beaver= a vagina that your transvestite ass doesn’t have. stop imagining being in the shoes of a woman. get over it, you shemale.

    and whatever the hell is growing on that tiny deformed limp dick of yours is probably worst then the long list thats growing on paris hilton’s.

    i hope THIS helps. get a reality check, and see to it that you overdose on cough syrup while you’re at it.

  45. danielle

    ps. go get a job you homeless diarreha filled stripper. is this all you do on a daily basis. if it is, i feel sorry for you.

    by the way…..you really should get out more…thats if you know how to cut doors into the cardboard makeshift house you’re living in.

    otherwise…just rot..and be done with it.

  46. RichPort

    Come on danYELL, that was lame, and not even all in CAPS. Very disappointing, you’ve lost your fire, Sista Souljah… I don’t know why you have to drag poor defenseless gays into this. I mean fagport took like, what, 20 minutes to come up with and spell check? Like your daddy used to tell you, take it like a man! You lose. Buh-bye.

  47. danielle

    yeah, just like danYELL took you a day and a half to come up with.

    sister soulja? what the hell…are you in preschool?

    geesh i can’t compete with that!

    CONGRATUALATIONS!!!!!!!!!YOU’VE JUST WON THE MIDDLE-ADGED MAN WHO PICKS ON PERSONS HALF THEIR AGE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO LIFE AND ENJOY RAPING THEIR CHILDREN AWARD.

    *thee end* buh-bye, asshole.

  48. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    DanYELL…huh? You make about as much sense as tits on a nun.

    And BTW its “the” not “thee”. This isn’t Shakesphere. Not that I expect someone of your intelligence level to know who that is…

  49. danielle

    this coming from someone with a screename that sounds like a reality porn show.

    tsk tsk tsk. with all of your desperate raving antics, it brings a mental picture to my mind.

    here it goes: bottle blond stringy smelly hair, a wife beater, ratty shorts, moldy flip flops, gap-toothed rotting teeth….

    is that right?, or was that a bit TOO glamorous of a description?

    *loser* *game over*

    BTW, that comment abou nuns and tits was priceless! thats about “thee” only prop i’ll give to you.

    you should write for SNL, or atleast be an extra dumbass on the show. that would be hillarious!

  50. jrzmommy

    147–Excuse me….. I christened you that YESTERDAY — see #117 — and we’ve been calling you that since then. It hasn’t taken anyone a day-and-a-half to come up with that. In fact, it took me all of…..what’s that 14 minutes I see… to figure out that a)you have issues with shouting and b) you’re a cunt and to c) put them all together to come up with DanYELL the cunt. Be sure to have mom or dad officially change that this year on your first day back to school, okay? And you better get off the computer now….you’re late again for Fat Kids Camp.

Leave A Comment