Beyonce Knowles has multiple personality disorder

September 21st, 2006 // 95 Comments
beyonce_subway_01.jpg

Beyonce Knowles tells Blender that she created an alter ego named Sasha who she turns into whenever she’s feeling doubtful about herself. She says:

“When I feel uncomfortable about something, I tell myself, ‘I’m Sasha, I’m a diva, I’m fierce, I can do it.’ And then I can. Sometimes when Beyonce slips through, I’m like ‘Hold up, come back!’ Sasha protects me. It’s a good way to keep sane.”

Yes, creating imaginary characters in your head is definitely the best way to keep sane. I’ve got this dude named Clifford in my head. He tells me to cut people. Without him I don’t know what I’d do. Maybe lead a normal life of not cutting people? Fuck that. Clifford knows what’s up. He’s got my back and that’s why he’s my bestest friend in all the world.

superficial

  1. jillybean

    Who the hell are the Sisters Ugly she’s sitting beside?

  2. gatorbates

    I’d put my milk in that chocolate!!

    Sppppllllaaaaatttttt!!!!!! Damn … gotta wipe off the computer screen.

  3. Abstrusedude

    Doesn’t Beyonce realize that that whole Shmegol/Golum multiple personality thing is SO 2005. I mean, like really. She so needs to get with the times.

    PS: I hope for her sake that Sasha is not as ugly as the women sitting to either side of her in the picture for this entry.

  4. oh so now i get it.. sasha the stripper is the one that makes her wear banana gear and cooerces her into doing the hibbety jibbety with that fugly ass jay z.. how convenient to have someone else to blame your stupid actions on.. i think i’ll create my own bestest secretest friend.. her name will be zena princess warrior and she’ll whack out all the stupid celebs and their imaginary playmates..

  5. How fucking bizarre is that? Creating an alter-ego to use in public forums so you can say what you want with confidence? You would have to be one seriously fucked up person to…..oh wait…..nevermind.

    Angry Ferret Jones

    PS – Beyonce, I would a manage’ with you and Sasha. Call me.

  6. BriBri

    Can she PLEASE fade into oblivion? Gah!

  7. They should caption that first picture “Which of These Kids is Doing Her Own Thing?”

    I think that chick on Beyonce’s left is about to go all bone-diggity crazy on somebody and chew their ear off. – just a prediction.

  8. Shhhhhhh – if you listen very closely you can hear the sound of me wishing I was hitting that right now.

    Wait for it. . . . .

    There, did you hear it?

    Mmmmmm.

  9. llllllllll

    ok…out of this entire story the part that troubled me the most was the face of woman on the right side of the first picture. I wish I never would have seen it

  10. Hey Superfish guy, is Clifford a ‘Big Red Dog’, because I’ve seen HIM?

    @6- Ferret, you have enough trouble managing that hilarious website of yours.

  11. 86

    It’s like Mariah all over again. Maybe Beyonce should make a video of herself kicking Sashas ass?

  12. Italian Stallion

    Damn, she’s got some ugly bitches sitting next to her. It’s like in the cartoons when the angel and the devil appears on their shoulders. Ones telling them to do good, and the other is telling them to do what’s wrong.

    If your wondering the good one is telling her let Stallion put in in your vagina, the bad one is telling her to let Stallion put it in her ass…………..

    Either way I win…………

  13. Madrid Marriott

    Woman on the right: “If this bitch thinks she and Sasha both get a seat on this train, she’s asking for a B-train beatdown.”

    Woman on the left: “Mmmm-hmmmm.”

  14. jrzmommy

    What the fuck is that face on the chick to her left? (our right) That’s hysterical. Let me go look again…HAHAHAHAHAHA It’s bad enough to be photographed next to Beyonce — who could make a girl feel ugly even on her own wedding day — but to then be photographed making that fucking face…..hahahaha I’m dying over here. That sucks. Ladies and Gentleman meet the most unfortunate woman in the world.

  15. HEY, don’t knock “Sasha”! Without her, Beyonce wouldn’t be wearing see-thru tops (find the recent pics), or shakin’ her booty on the “Check on it” video!

    Hell, it’s “Beyonce” that keeps her with Jay-Z. Not that I’m bad-mouthing Jay-Z, though…

    http://www.blackbeatpress.com

  16. commissioner

    I hang out with trolls just to make myself feel better. Sure, I throw ‘em a bone now and again. Buy ‘em a drink, let them think I’m listening to their pitiful life story.

    It ups my hotness factor ten-fold.

  17. jrzmommy

    Maybe the two tons of fun sitting next to her are other alternate personalities of Beyonce’s??

  18. vainandlovingit

    The difference between Beyonce/Sascha and a HORNY near-sighted squirrel??? THEY ALL ALL FUCKING NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. bigponie

    wow she’s almost like the incredible hulk, she transform herself into some diva bitch when she feels weak. I can almost see her transformong when taking a shit.

    Beyonce: ohh, I just can’t shit, it’s so disgusting.

    (abra-cadabra) Sasha: come on bitch, you can do this, get that crap outta yo ass, you gotta be smelling good when jay-z decide to dive on that muffin. UGGGGGG, SPLAT!!!…Bingo that’s what I’m talking about.

  20. jrzmommy

    That top picture is nearly the personification of an Oreo

  21. bigponie

    when I smoke weed, I can transform into superman… “watch me fly, suckas”

  22. @21 – I just wet myself. Funny shit.

  23. Superevil

    It’s nice to see that Destiny’s Child is back together, although whatshername-1 and whatshername-2 have really let themselves go.

  24. llllllllll

    oH that explains why last year Beyonce signed “Sasha” when I asked for her autograph…I asked her why she signed Sasha and she responded “I didn’t do that”.

  25. RichPort

    I have an alternate personality too. Actually I’m not schizo, I just talk to my own crotch whenever a hot chick comes along and see how she scores on the peckermeter. If my johnson talks back, she’s a winner. If not, I just look like a crazy man talking to his dick.

    That said, I’d like a m

  26. tits_on_snack

    Yep. Whenever I feel like just being me, I’m like “Whoa hold up a sec!” and transform myself into Juanita the one-titted stripper who dances on a plywood box in a Colonia Del Rio tequila bar in the suburban slums of Tijuana, in exchange for a stained mattress on the floor of the room upstairs.

  27. #26- That is the personification of a multiple disorder.

  28. It’s probably beyond an empowerment conceit, she utilizes her imaginary alter-ego to do sundry things Beyonce never would. Anal? B won’t but Sasha loves it. ATM? Not that sweet Destiny’s Child… but that Sasha considers it foreplay. Lezzie play? No way good Christian Ms. Knowles indulges in that sin – but Sasha? That chick is the very definition of bi. Threeways with strange men? Fellatio on midget clowns? Freakshow gangbangs and migrant train pulls? That would be Sasha. Dirty little ho. When Jay-Z asks her how he got the herpes-syphilis cocktail, she can bat her big brown eyes and curse that nasty Sasha.

  29. Off topic:

    Is it me or does the Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, look like a cross between Ringo Starr and Yakoff Smirnoff?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Mahmoud_Ahmadinejad_in_Markazi_province.jpg

  30. jrzmommy

    31–HAHAHAHA– that actually made me giggle out loud. He is Ringo and Yakoff’s love child.

  31. DiabetesExplosion

    Why the fuck is the ugly chick on the right holding onto her purse for dear life? What does she think, Beyonce is going to rob her? What racism! Everyone knows only the dark-coloreds rob, not the light ones, unless they’re Mexican.

  32. Abstrusedude

    SASHA’S DIVA TIP #7:

    “Beyonce, given the chance, sit next to obese (and/or) ugly people so as to magnify your beauty.”

  33. llllllllll

    #33 HAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

  34. Brain – Go to the home page and tell me who is whiter, Beyonce or Michael Jackson.

    Bonus question: Who was had sex with more young boys?

  35. sortit

    wow she needs to lay off the skin whitening …JUST A BIT

  36. justme

    Beyonce surrounds herself with simians so she’ll look white.

  37. llllllllll

    OMG SHE DOES BLEACH HER SKIN!!! take a look at the diffrence
    http://www.netglimse.com/images/celeb_b.gif

  38. llllllllll

    OMG SHE DOES BLEACH HER SKIN!!! take a look at the diffrence
    http://www.netglimse.com/images/celeb_b.gif

  39. dstroyer

    Beyonce, quitting the adult day care program was definitely a bad idea.

  40. STFUthankyou

    What a dumb bitch….I’m so tired of seeing her everywhere. She needs to do something with those nappy curls.

  41. STFUthankyou

    I also think that, when she smiles, she looks slightly mentally retarded. Like a sweet little down syndrome kid.

  42. James

    All I see is another black chick whos trying to look like she’s white.

  43. llllllllll

    I’m sure beyonce and JayZ will have beautiful children with extra special abbilities such as breathing in more than their fair share of air.

  44. jane's eyre

    Yes, and I’m sure that it’s Sasha that tells her to try really hard not to look black. ‘Cuz black is whack.

    Hey, don’t beat up on me, my alter-ego Cletus told me that.

  45. I hit it. Both Beyonce and Sasha.

    At the same time.

    http://www.edquartersaudio.com

  46. @36- My money is on Michael.
    In a couple of years, he’ll be Casper!

  47. llllllllll

    #48 and in a couple of years after that couple of years he’ll probably be translucent

  48. brooklynite8215

    Oh I get it… she’s on the B train… CLEVER… Get the hell outta NY ya stupid skank

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