Beyonce & Jay-Z: Married? Or just into really elaborate jokes that have no foreseeable punchline in sight like this headline?

April 7th, 2008 // 50 Comments

Unless you drank yourself into a coma on Friday and are therefore my new Messiah, you probably heard the reports of Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles allegedly having a secret wedding. While no one has confirmed the marriage, Mary J. Blige let the cat out of the bag while performing with Jay-Z in North Carolina Saturday night. OK! Magazine reports:

“Congratulations to my man, Jay-Z, and my girl B,” the singer announced to the audience at the beginning of her set at the Greensboro Coliseum.
And while no grand announcement was made during Jay-Z’s time on stage, eyewitness sources confirm to OK! that the former Destiny’s Child singer did make the trip to Greensboro with her new hubby.

I always figured if Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles got married it’d be inside a submarine made of diamonds. Then, when it sank to the bottom (Diamonds make shitty nautical crafts.), everyone would shake their heads and say, “Thank God Kim Kardashian’s still alive.” I’m such a hopeless romantic sometimes.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Cool Stuff

    Well, that’s pretty awesome for them I guess.

  2. bakinmycake

    Is Jay Z really wearing a “Members only” jacket….those are rare….

  3. momo

    wow ! Front row seats!

    They must be at an opera or something.

  4. havoc

    Who?

    .

  5. Cool Stuff

    @2

    Why would Jay Z wearing something rare be surprising to anyone?

  6. I wonder if his sneakers have ever touched the ground outside?

  7. realityman

    to 5….to answer for 2..

    um maybe you too have a members only jacket…they were big in 1984

  8. Hendero

    I say she’s lesbian, and he’s her erm, whatever the male equivalent of a beard is. There’s no way a chick that hot would go for a guy that ugly, no matter how much money he’s worth. Same way Janet Jackson’s gay.

    Word.

  9. Rabbi Schiller.

    Pity. She’s light enough to have married up.

  10. #8 – That’s just not true. I mean look at all the hot chicks I’ve been with… and I only had to pay $4K an hour.

  11. Anal Fistula

    what a douchetard Jay Z is…he makes an enormous deal of “leaving” hiphop only to be more involved with it than ever and then he is notoriously silent and cagey about banging Beyonce.

    what an awesome marriage this will be…he never even publicly said that they were dating.

    “B, let’s go get a certificate or whateva at city hall, yeah”

  12. Beyonce is very lucky to have come from a stable upper middle class family

    So she is the type likely to get married. But if is getting rare nowadays is to find young women in the arts getting married in their 20s

    Especially when they have so many suitors

    Britney was another suprise

  13. I know he’s rich, but so is she. This relationship makes ZERO sense as she is so far out of his league it isn’t even funny.

  14. Jdog

    Umm… what’s up with the writing lately? The last few days this site hasn’t even been grammatically correct, let alone very funny. I smell a scab! We want our old Superficial writer back!

  15. Lala

    They look so happily.And I saw them also on “SeekingRich.com”.On “SeekingRich.com”,there are many beautiful girls and handsome,rich men,and so many video stars.All of them want to
    make more friends on that website,but many of them want to find their lover on “SeekingRich.com”.If you are single now,you must go to that website.

  16. Leslie

    Good for them! It’s been a long time coming and after 6 years I would hope they would have settled down. It’s beautiful!

  17. el

    these pictures are oooooolllllddddddd

  18. stoplookingatme

    Has there been any speculation about what else “Congrats” could mean, other thana wedding? Dare I say it… a bootylicious mini-troll in the oven? (Everyone else is currently or recently pregnant; why not?)

  19. caljenna66

    @ 15 – They look so happily, indeed. OBVIOUSLY they met on a crappy website, because when you are filthy rich and have the world at your feet where else would you go to get some?

  20. Racer X

    Good for them.

    /Beyonce got nice ass

  21. stickykeys

    I’ll tell you what else is a secret: Jay-Z is really Jerry from Enemy Mine.

  22. Groucho

    Congratulations to them.
    I was gonna write something else, but I keep getting distracted by the fact that Jay-Z is so incredibly ugly.

  23. jesse

    So, Beyonce is going for the “dumpster diving” look now. Nice.

  24. #21 – That makes the Joe Camel comparison sound old and tired. Well played.

    #23 – That’s good news, because I have a dumpster right behind my pants zipper.

  25. Reagan

    She sure does have a huge bottom, thighs, and hips. Look how huge her ass looks; the leg that is crossed; yikes!

  26. Beyonce, GURL! yar shoes are crackin up!…i mean, i wouldnt care if it was some ordinary mortal’s shoe, but for having all the money they have, it’s got to be flawless baby!

  27. Clem

    #9 – Now that is comedy right there! Well done Sir!

    No one ever shares coke with Jay-Z.

  28. voracious

    what the hell is UP with these two? they show each other NO love in public. I can understand if they don’t want to kiss but no hand holding, NOTHING, ever. NOt even eye contact. They are both so cold.

  29. ferlo

    beyonce is incredibly hard working and talented. she appears to be head over heels for him. he does a lot for her career. good for them.

  30. RENEE

    I don’t know, I call bluff on this and write it off as some cheesy Ashton Kutcher media punk out. Either that or its just a red herring for the real wedding that will go down in some undisclosed place that the paps will never get wind of. Either way… Jay-z??? That is one ugly mofo, Beyonce. But then I guess if you took all the hair extensions, makeup, designer duds, possible plastic surgery, etc, away from Beyonce she might not look so great either; but prob still at least relatively attractive.

  31. mcbeef

    @4 – Actually it’s, “Nigga Who?”

  32. A

    you fucking white people…

    no matter what post is made about people of color, especially black people, it all boils down to derogatory remarks…yet black people are supposed to be the 1st ones “resorting to race”

    you and your bigot train are never late!!

    and no i’m not black

  33. Dr.

    Jay-Z is one ugly mo-fo! It’s a good thing he is rich because NO WAY he’d be on that train with his butt-for-a-face looks.

  34. pia

    come on people…this is bound to be on one of ashton’s episodes

  35. THATS NICE CONGRATS

  36. lola

    jayz is the ugliest grossest thing and beyonce is WAY to talented fo him. I hope she figures it out in 20 years and is ll washed up

  37. llsssssssstfu

    Wow, I have never seen Jay-Z smiling on this site.

  38. babygirl

    i dont care wat any1 says,she’s the lucky 1.Jay could have done so much better…like me!she’s so dull….plsu a hypocrite.she acts all innocent and wholesome…only 2 wear next 2 nothing and prounce around on stage like a stripper!i dont get it.then has the nerve to call other chicks “Nasty Girls”PLZ!

  39. fuck you

    hi # 25 every womans legs look larger when they are crossed…yes she is pretty thick but any fool with sense would know its the way her legs are crossed and the chair is pretty low………dumbass

  40. She has my whole-hearted support.She is super beautiful and large sexy.I saw her always dating in millonaire dating site “W e a l t h y L o v i n g . c o m”.I am wondering what relation she want in this site? Dose she really searching her new love here?

  41. babygirl

    #39, i dont care wat u say,u know beyonce’s got some hectically think thighs…cross legged….standing up….on all fours wen she’s perfoming “elegantly”!which ever way u look at it,her thighs are think!

  42. Dr. Feel Good

    #39

    Please don’t internalize the negative comments. I suspect you are fat but I am sure there is a beautiful heart wanting to come out.

  43. FoShizzle

    Jay-z wouldn’t be hittin that ho if he wasn’t a bazillionare.

  44. Jen

    They should just admitt to the rumors. Its so obvious they are now married. I found this funny cartoon about them here http://www.mushygushy.com/E4ELRU

  45. i love beyonce.
    but i would find her even cooler, if she had a live backstage channel like this one here:

    http://www.kyte.tv/ch/18531-thisis50com

    check it out !

  46. Beblah

    Gosh, neither of the Knowles’ children chose to get married before getting knocked up! Must make them proud!

  47. dave

    I was searching beyonces new song and stumbled across this site.

    Seriously i dont understand the mentality.
    Maybe its a matter of writing what comes to mind, before the process of logical thought.
    the clothes there wearing, there shoe’s. Beyonce hooking up for money ????
    (i would thing she too would be mighty rich)

    What ever happend to soul??????

    Ohhh my………… im on the wrong site.

  48. Tia

    Congradulations to Mr. & Mrs Jay-Z
    I hope their love last like Will & Jada.
    B- if u are pregnant flant it.

  49. Beyonce is waaaaaay over rated but shes still nice looking. As for Jay Z, he better be glad hes paid because he is pound for pound the ugliest richest dude alive. His face reminds me of the old mr potato head.

  50. Jay-Z

    HATERS!

Leave A Comment