BEYONCE IS PREGNANT! (Or at least rumored to be which will probably happen every other week just to give you guys a heads up. I guess I should write the post now. This parenthesis is getting out of hand. OH GOD it stole my coffee!)

May 1st, 2008 // 76 Comments

Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. mamadough

    #50, wtf are you talking about?

  2. Grunion

    Why did she steal Britneys sisters hairstyle? she must be preggers….

  3. Barack

    Dat girl is niggalicious!

  4. What the

    Why do black chicks bleach their hair blonde? Copy cats!

  5. Jeff

    Wow, I can’t wait to see the whore/stripper maternity mess that her mother designs for her. For all her beauty, Beyonce is blind as a bat when it comes to fashion. Give mom a pension and tell her to put down her drawing pen.

  6. Jeff

    And I guess her strong Christian beliefs didn’t prevent her from screwing a man she wasn’t married to – and, you know, committing the sin of fornication. To fornicate is one thing, but to give birth to a bastard child would be too much for her Christian soul. What a ridiculous creature she is!

  7. Jibber Jabber monkies in a tree

    I hate her and Jay-Z is the ugliest fuck. I can’t believe she would dilute her decent looks with his nasty Motown Face.

  8. hahaha

    whoa, whoa, whoa…. “paranthesis”??? is that some sort of disease???

  9. woodhorse

    @6:Amber – May 1, 2008 11:17 AM

    “strong Christian beliefs…”
    Most Christians I’ve met believe very strongly that they can do whatever they want to as long as they wear a cross on a necklace. I’d like to get in on that sweet deal especially since I found a cross that matches my purse but there is still the problem of how their music really sucks.

  10. Josh

    Black women die their hair blonde probably for the same reason white women tan, get fat injected in their lips, get a boob job, get collogen injected into their face, get butt implants, and date black guys. Its “in”

  11. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    What a fucking hideous dress! Her strong Christian beliefs? What a pile of utter SHITE! If she wasn’t a fecking hypocrite she would have had those beliefs extend to not fucking that ugly turd before they got married.
    I HATE religious hypocrisy – fucking American “Christian” wankers its just a front.

  12. hahaha

    good job, spell check. :D

  13. cavy

    Again and again, these damn hypocritical bible toting fundie Christians get caught in the act of sinning – it warms my cold heart!!! I could care a less what others believe in, spiritually….it’s only when the ‘holier than thou’ perfect little lambs get caught in what they feverantly blame others for doing, that I can’t help but LMAO!

  14. poteetsl

    That dress is not being nice to her breasts. Ouch! That looks painful.

  15. poteetsl

    That dress is not being nice to her breasts. Ouch! That looks painful.

  16. joe

    What a heidious dress! hers boobs are flattened and her huge bum is protruding more than ever !

    the dress looks very tacky, must be home made ! burk…………..

  17. M-m-m-moTeesuh?

    Since when did fug trannies gain the ability to be pregnant?

  18. spacemonkee18

    i can picture her now sitting across from oprah with this huge pregnant belly on tv

    oprah: so beyonce’ i heard your pregnant is there any truth to that?

    beyonce : i don’t really like to talk about my private life

    oprah : well did you just get Ridiculously fat in a 9 month period

    beyonce: i have no idea what your talking about ?

  19. CougarTexas

    I cannot believe there are still people who use the word N I G G E R. What the fuck? You must be one of the most pathetic, ignorant and detestable people on Earth. Guess what… with so many biracial kids being born in the World today, you may want to go ahead and slit your wrists now – I promise we won’t miss you – because you’re gonna be SHOCKED when you walk out on the street and see that there really is no one “color” of race left anymore. AH! First Barack, next the World. Get over it, you botched abortion.

    Now, on to real business, why is no one talking about the fact that poor Be-bouncey doesn’t have not one friend in the world to tell her that her spray tan on her back is STREAKED. My God. Tacky.

  20. Mousey Tongue

    Come on…Bouncey isn’t hardly smart enough to see beyond her nose, that’s why her mother still dresses her in those clothes and she married Jay-Z for his money, probably because her mother told her to. I wouldn’t want to see him when I wake up in the morning but on the other hand, I wouldn’t really want to see Bouncey when I wake up either, ‘cept from the back, now – that could be quite pleasant – Bouncey in the morning…,

  21. Cougar likes em black and long

    You speak like a real lady of sticky sheets. Skank. I like my own kind and am proud of my own culture. I guess you just like all the dick you can get and the bigger the better after gettin all stretched out like you whores invariably do. So the next step downwards for girls with big pussies is always the negro.
    Your momma must be proud, old lady.

  22. Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter

    WHY DO YALL GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME AND MY BUSINESS SEEMS TO ME YALL DONT HAVE A FUCKING LIFE.. I MEAN DAMN WHY DONT YALL JUST POST ON SOMEBODY ELSE SHIT AND LEAVE ME ALONE.. YALL NEED A LIFE.. AND IF UR LIFE MEAN POST SHIT ABOUT ME AND MY BUSINESS AINT SHIT BUT SHIT.. IF YOU ASK ME… BGKC@AOL.COM IS MY PERSONAL EMAIL IF U WANNA GO BACK AND FRONT THEN LET’S GO… BEYONCE GISELLE KNOWLES- CARTER

  23. c all yall who had something 2 say negative about Beyonce is just called Hating on her jus “B”-cuz she is pretty and she can sing. I love Beyonce and her songs. I thik that her and Jay Z r wonderful wit each other. If he put a smile on her face than they r a good couple. I can’t wait 2 c her son/daughter. I kno that He or She iz going 2 b so cute / Handsome.

    I THINK SHE IZ GOING 2 HAVE A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    REALLY IDK WAT SHE GOING 2 HAV ……………..2 TELL U DA TRUTH I HOPE SHE HAVA GURL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. kezia

    I really could care less whether she’s pregnant or not it’s her business and her life. She’s married so it’s not a problem. Beyonce’ deserves happiness but she ain’t all that to be trying to be up in her business like that. People need to be focusing on God instead of these people that could careless about you.

  25. kezia

    I really could care less whether she’s pregnant or not it’s her business and her life. She’s married so it’s not a problem. Beyonce’ deserves happiness but she ain’t all that to be trying to be up in her business like that. People need to be focusing on God instead of these people that could careless about you.

  26. shanika

    will reading this i was very disopont because evey body need to shut they mouth about beyonce what yall need to talk about is yallselfs

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