BEYONCE IS PREGNANT! (Or at least rumored to be which will probably happen every other week just to give you guys a heads up. I guess I should write the post now. This parenthesis is getting out of hand. OH GOD it stole my coffee!)
A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.
Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.