BEYONCE IS PREGNANT! (Or at least rumored to be which will probably happen every other week just to give you guys a heads up. I guess I should write the post now. This parenthesis is getting out of hand. OH GOD it stole my coffee!)

May 1st, 2008 // 76 Comments

Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Sophie

    What the HELL is wrong with her back??

  2. lola

    i didn’t know banana suits were all the rage for pregnant hollywood. i am so outta the loop.

  3. Greg

    Wouldn’t that be 101 problems i.e.- “99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”+his marriage to Beyonce would be the addition of said bitch+baby hova=101
    Yay math!

  4. It's me Fuckers

    Hopefully her genes will overpower his fugly genes.

  5. What Jay-Z does not know is that I am the father. hahahahahaha

  6. Amber

    “strong Christian beliefs…”

    Not strong enough for her to wait ’till marriage to have sex!

    Just sounds sorta hypocritical.

  7. zac

    How strong exactly are her christian beliefs if she’s been getting boned by a rapper for what, like three years. She probably wears skimpy clothing and shakes her ass, too. Oh, wait …

  8. retard alert

    Greg, are you kinda retarded?

  9. the back

    I think Beyonce usually looks beautiful, but the back of that dress is fugly and …I dont know, she is not looking as hot as she usually does

  10. Seymour Butts

    I thought “Strong Christian Values” meant you took it up the butt to save losing your virginity for marriage.

  11. martino

    I’ll be the source is wrong and she’s only 51% pregnant.

  12. roger

    Why do you make so much noise about those bitches at hollywood getting pregnant? what is the big deal here? if they are constantly making love with as many partners as they please, what do you expect? c’mon you guys, looks like you have nothing interesting to post anymore…

  13. I would uh oh-uh oh- uh oh uh oh, all over her back…..

  14. nipolian

    The back fat never lies.

  15. retard alert

    13. how creative.

  16. Wim

    Wow that’ one lucky kid – he/she will look like Joe Camel with a huge fat ass.

  17. English Bob

    Mmmmmm, roger you sound a bit on the feminine side, not a girl posting as a man are you ??? The words ‘Bitter’ and ‘Jealous’ come to mind…….

  18. Kimberwulf

    Lets hope it looks like the mother

  19. retard alert

    17. in your post, the words predictable and lame come to mind.

  20. Hey everybody look at me!

    I’m trying to point out the obvious!

    Is it working?

    Does the retart reference work?

    Hard work this is……

  21. Full Up

    19. In your post the words are right their at the top man….RETARD…..ALERT……

  22. coffeebean

    @18 Don’t they all look the same?

  23. fygu

    #16 my thoughts exactly. Also, who really gives half a shit?

  24. #15 – Really, do you really think so? Or are you just patronizing me? I mean, your approval means so much to me. So don’t pull on my heart strings because I might just snap. And then I just get corny. And we swouldn’t want that.

  25. retard alert

    Took you guys long enough.

  26. papadukes

    she should have waited for the flogging bruises on her back to heal before putting on that dress

  27. English Bob

    Probably not a retard No. 21, just an attention seeking loser….

  28. ph7

    Fine human specimen.

  29. Harry Ballzack

    HAHAHAHAHAHA ………….. They had to glue the back of her dress to her ass !!

  30. Anexio

    ….and the happy dad, Josef Fritzl, couldn’t be more proud of his little girl.

    OUT!

  31. A fan of rap music

    Yo!! When is shorty droppin’?

  32. bootlips

    She dressed like a banana to attract Jay-Z.

  33. We’ve got to find a way to keep n i g g e r s from multiplying.

  34. ::roll::

    #32 and 33 are reasons why the human species are still so close-minded and ignorant…

  35. #33 hey stupid, get your own name. I am not racist. I hate everyone equally..

  36. veggi

    Her eyes are freakin me out. It’s like she props forks in em at night.. or maybe they’re just trying to reach back up to those eyebrows..

  37. Isabel

    I DONT THINK SHE IS PREGNANT! WHAT RUSH?? THEY ARE SUCH A LONG TIME TOGETHER. AND MEDIA WRITES SINCE 2 YEARS THAT THEY ARE MARRIED AND SHE IS PREGNANT.SO I DONT BELIEVE IT.
    SHE WILL GET HUGE WHEN SHE WILL BE PREGNANT.LOOK AT HER RIGHT NOW. BUT I LOVE HER MUSIC I LOVE HOW SHE DANCES,SHE COULD BE NICER BUT YOU KNOW SHE IS A DIVA.

  38. lisa

    #32—that is hilarious.

  39. retard alert

    should have saved all my retard alert comments for you Isabel.

  40. mamadough

    wow, between beyonce and jaime lynn’s “strong christian beliefs”, no wonder the bible west is so strict and afraid their whore daughters are going to be influenced by the tiniest thing and get knocked up…

  41. mamadough

    * #40, fuck! midwestern bible belt

  42. Mandy

    So why do people say Kim Kardashian is hot and not beefy Beyonce?

  43. Anal Fistula

    clandestine nuptials is such a great phrase…

    @42…i think they’re both chubby, fwiw

  44. Antonio

    WTF?

  45. Michelle DD

    if she did rush the mariage because of her stron christian beleifs, does that mean Jesus will never be aware she was already pregnant ?

  46. Chupacabra

    clandestine nipples…

    anyway the BACK of that dress has a see-thru, very sheer, colorless panel, which is what holds it together. if not, it would split down the sides… much like a banana split, which ironically suits the color of the dress as well. its actually a kinda interesting design for a dress, you’d think the front neck sash, or holster would prevent the sides to fall out, but I guess she really wants the support back there. I think this may be something her mom designed… you can tell who went to Parsons and who didn’t……

  47. Amber

    There’s nothing wrong with her back in these pictures. The open part of her dress has some weird sheer thing over it, which makes her skin look weird.

  48. agree

    She looks beautiful. She is my favorite. I saw her profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m” last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

  49. Crazy/Beatiful/BringItOn

    @41 agree – she’s MARRIED to one. Go back to India, or picking rice or whatever it is you do to stay above the poverty level. no one needs your stupid ads here. or, unplug yourself if you are an automatically generating response machine. Please.

Leave A Comment