It’s a slow news day, so here’s Beyonce at the Samsung press conference for her new B Phone with some tape on her boob. Or glue. A scar? Look, what am I, a glue tape scar expert? No. I’m just the guy that sits here bench pressing trucks while women throw themselves at me and ogle my muscles. Sometimes I also play with puppies.
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Gisele Bundchen Speaks Out After Her Latest Controversy – Lainey Gossip |
 Lady Gaga Reveals Her Eating Disorder – Huffington Post | |
| Naomi Campbell sexy new photoshoot. – Fox News | |
| Vanessa Hudgens Falls Out Of Her Shirt – Popoholic | |
| Celebrities' Real Names Exposed – Newser | |
| No bras here. – The Chive |
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Adam Levine Signs 'Glee' Guy to New Label, Poses For Terry Richardson (PHOTOS) |
Relationship Expert on Halle Berry's Reported Move: It's About Being Selfless, Not Selfish (PHOTOS) |
Camila Alves Flashes Engagement Ring, Talks Wedding Plans (PHOTOS) |
'Madly in Love' Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Hang Tight in Los Angeles |
Lady Gaga's Tattooed 'Born This Way' Costar Reveals 'Top Secret' Project with Singer |
Lindsay Lohan's Platinum Blonde Locks: Yay or Nay? (PHOTOS) |
Bigheadmike | October 12, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Nice!!!!!!!!!!!
TS | October 12, 2007 at 12:52 pm
She’ll whore herself out for anything. Doesn’t she alread have enough dough?
Mongo | October 12, 2007 at 12:54 pm
I think it’s a used condom. I read somewhere that makes Jay-Z wear one whenever he gives her a chilidog. Makes no sense, but, you know…nigs.
ME | October 12, 2007 at 12:56 pm
It’s double-sided tape. She’s obviously not wearing a bra (you can see her nipples through the shirt), so I guess it was either having the tape show or the boobs.
nevermore | October 12, 2007 at 12:57 pm
Yeah, gonna go with double stick tape on this one. It’s a common thing, to tape your clothes to yourself to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.
#3 | October 12, 2007 at 1:00 pm
#3…..”nigs”? What up with that????? You racists PIG!!!!!
* MISS UNIVERSE | October 12, 2007 at 1:03 pm
She really is at the peak of her beauty. That olive green dress goes so well with her copper bronze hair and matching complexion
she does have a rare universal beauty that combines many nationalities
Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day | October 12, 2007 at 1:04 pm
scroll scroll scroll I am trying to escape the bible thumpers. Man I hope I’ll be safe here on the Beyonce post. Good thing the Thumpers don’t like blackies (or trannies, and beyonce always checks both those boxes) so hopefully they’ll stay away for a while so I can slowly start to keep my food down again.
Aerial | October 12, 2007 at 1:05 pm
I think you can see her nipples.
Asswipe | October 12, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Wow I love black women!
Billy Bob Thornton | October 12, 2007 at 1:07 pm
She’s so HOT!!!
Hi, Everyday! | October 12, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Actually, this story is all about appearance, and the Scripture really does have a lot to do with appearances. Both the story of the good Samaritan and at the home of Mary and Martha are about self-image. The priest and Levite are concerned about if they will be fit to serve in the temple or synagogue, chosing their own appearance of serving God over the reality of what He wants. Martha wants to make sure everything looks good, but Mary is more concerned about being good.
I think the Lord would be much more impressed with a desperate, broken, sinful heart brought out and laid at His feet with no pretense than a sharp dressed woman hiding and covering wounds so the world can see how great she is and how much she has everything together. And don’t let her get close to the broken heart, she might get blood on her outfit.
We need more Mary’s and less Martha’s, more Samaritan’s and less Levite’s, more children and less fashion-obsessed celebrity watchers. Children will ask honest questions and aren’t self-conscious. They will state the obvious and care nothing for pretense. If they are hurt or made a boo boo, they will usually just let you know. And in a child-like way, they will see through the appearance of things to the heart of the matter. Thank God He has revealed Himself to little children.
Vince Lombardi | October 12, 2007 at 1:13 pm
In my day, we didn’t have “double-sided tape.” We just had tape. Yards and yards of tape. Oh, and stick-um. Gallons and gallons of the stuff. Used to keep my hat on with it. Told Tom Landry about it. One day my glasses fell off and Ray Nitschke stepped on ‘em. Used the tape to fix ‘em, used the stick-um to keep ‘em on my face, used Nitschke to wash my car for a month.
I like this dame. Nice choice of color, but she should use some bright yellow pants to go with the top.
Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day | October 12, 2007 at 1:14 pm
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh They found us. Help me someone this site is going to the Thumpers.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:16 pm
#8 they found us here, too… but that’s OK because…
Three departed souls were standing at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter said to them, “In order to enter these gates, you must first tell me the meaning of Easter.”
The first soul stepped up and said, “Easter is a time when families come together to enjoy a turkey dinner and give thanks for their many blessings.”
St. Peter pointed downward and with that the soul vanished.
The second soul stepped up and said, “Easter is a holiday where people decorate a pine tree and place presents under it.”
Again St. Peter pointed downward and the soul vanished.
The third soul stepped up and said, “Easter is all about a man named Jesus who lived about 2,000 years ago. He spoke of the coming of God’s kingdom and he performed many miracles. Soon the leaders of the temple became angry at him, so they had him put to death. Three days later, he arose from the dead and stepped out of his tomb….”
At this, Saint Peter began to smile, until the soul continued…
“then Jesus saw his shadow and we had 6 more weeks of winter.”
Binky | October 12, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Re : 13 Oh. Oh. – the Packers win a few games and look who’s born again
Auntie Kryst | October 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm
@16 that was funny! C’mon Papa Bear rise from the grave and get after Vince. Oh by the way, Beyonce is very pretty.
J.C. | October 12, 2007 at 1:23 pm
I forgive you #15. Not for telling a religious joke, those are fine – please, I’m God, bring in on, meatsack. I forgive you for telling one from grade school.
veggi | October 12, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Easter is when jesus brought a rabbit over on the mayflower like 100 years ago. duh.
har har har har.
Age | October 12, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Haha that Easter joke was better than today’s post.
ziggurat | October 12, 2007 at 1:26 pm
It’s a type of bra that is self-adhering. It’s ‘supposed’ to be sheer. A lot of whorebags where it when they need support and don’t want bra-straps in order to debut low-plunging cleavage.
Barry Melrose | October 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Why doesn’t Jesus play hockey? Because he always gets nailed to the boards.
nagger please | October 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm
She has that nlgger speaking voice where she can’t pronounce certain words correctly.
MrSemprini | October 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm
That’s not tape man… that the first part of her nipple. Its like huge.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:30 pm
Jesus, Joseph, and Mary were doing chores around their home in Nazareth when suddenly, Jesus ran outside to Joseph, and asked, “Did you call me?”
“No, I’m sorry,” Joseph replied, “I just hit my thumb with the hammer, again.”
Martini McBride | October 12, 2007 at 1:31 pm
It’s Hollywood Tape. I use it all the time to keep the plunging necklines of my slinky knit dresses from slipping off of my enormous breasts.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:32 pm
#26
all riight!!!
Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day | October 12, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Ok I’ve reached my fucking religious tolerance limit. Goobye and have a great weekend realists. Seeing all the sudden religious posts I do wonder if some troll is punking the shit out of us but, honestly it doesn’t matter if all that mindless “god loves you” rambling is sincere or not either way it’s fucking unbearable I’d rather readParis’ list of STD’s than be subjected to another second of this shit.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:33 pm
aww… #28…
Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms?
They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day | October 12, 2007 at 1:37 pm
P.S. Sam Hain you funny but it’s not enough to stop the the headache those bible thumpers gave me.
Tony Maroni | October 12, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Religious Joke Day!!!!!!! Ha Ha!!!!
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?
“Yes, Father it is.”
“And who was the woman you were with?” asks the priest.
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later,” said the priest, “so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.” replied Johnny.
“Was it Teresa Volpe?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capeli?”
“I’m sorry but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers,
“What’d you get?”
Johnny replies, “Four months vacation and five good leads……
Anybody have a lead on Beyonce’s booty?
Tony Maroni | October 12, 2007 at 1:39 pm
How about this one?
Four nuns go to heaven and as they get to the pearly gates St. Peter presides over them and says, “Now usually we ask people here if they have any last sins they want to confess before going before Him, but since you are nuns, you have presumably lived a rather sin-free life. Nonetheless, this is your time to confess anything you have hanging over your head.”
So the first nun walks up and says, “Well, I have to confess that one day, while cleaning out the priests’ quarters, I walked into one of the rooms without knocking and, well…I saw the priest’s penis.” Ashamed, she bowed her head and waited for a response.
St. Peter replies, “No problem at all daughter of God, just cleanse your eyes in the fountain of purity and all will be forgiven.”
The second nun then steps forward and says, “I, too, have something similar I must get off my chest. You see, while cleaning out the priests’ quarters I also forgot to knock, saw the priest naked, but …. I could not resist….I touched the priest’s penis.” Completely embarrassed in front of her peers and St. Peter, she bowed and waited for her judgment.
St. Peter calmed the nun and replied, “Do not fret child, merely cleanse your hands in the fountain of purity and all will be forgiven.”
Before the third nun can step forward, the nun behind her starts to pull her and shove her away, attempting to get in front of her. St. Peter, rather surprised with the nun’s actions pleads the nun to stop and explain herself. So the last nun says, “Oh St. Peter, I only wanted to gargle the water from the fountain of purity before she put her ass in it!
Tony Maroni | October 12, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Not racism in Brooklyn!
zebra died and went to heaven and was waiting with St. Peter at the pearly gates. The zebra asked Peter, “Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?”
Peter replied, “Only God knows that answer.”
So the zebra went into heaven and found God and asked Him, “Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?”
God replied to him, “You are what you are” and then left him.
Confused the zebra went back to St. Peter and said “God told me, ‘You are what you are’ what does that mean?”
Peter replied “Oh its very clear, you are a white zebra with black stripes.”
“Why is that?” the zebra asked.
“Because if you were a black zebra with white stripes God would have told you ‘You is what you is’
havoc | October 12, 2007 at 1:42 pm
She should wear a bra so that her tits don’t get all Beyonce.
Get it? Beyonce? Bouncy?
You see what I did there?
Ba-zing!
.
Bella Tane | October 12, 2007 at 1:44 pm
lol.
Sam Hain…
Thanks for making the work day worth it…
furmakesyoulookold | October 12, 2007 at 1:46 pm
I wish this FUR SCUM WOULD DIE BEFORE WINTER COMES.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Havoc… Woot!!! Nice work!
oh BTW…
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Fumus | October 12, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Yea, you can see her nips clearly in pics 3 and 5. Beyonce’s face is busted though seriously, am I the only who noticed that she has baby teeth…yes she has baby teeth and her hair is gross…I mean she’s still a prime cut, but if it was her in one room and Jessica Simpson in the other…well I am going to Jessica…because having sex with black people is just gross anyways…eeewww…
Marcelo | October 12, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Let her be! She looks great!!
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2268750
MarC
Alison | October 12, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day, I’m so sorry to see you say goodbye. Here’s a song that I know will help you feel better:
Sometimes I’m battle weary
I forget to use my shield
The arrows pierce my armor
And I stumble in the field
A shield won’t do much good if it’s hangin’ by your side
Keep the shield of faith before you if you want to stay alive
I’ll think my life is over
But the Lord he comes to me
He heals my wounded spirit
And he sets me on my feet
A shield won’t do much good if it’s hangin’ by your side
Keep the shield of faith before you if you want to stay alive
Sometimes your battle weary
But the war’s already won
Keep your head and hold your shield high
‘Til your days of life are done
A shield won’t do much good if it’s hangin’ by your side
Keep the shield of faith before you if you want to stay alive
Keep the shield of faith before you if you want to stay alive
Nipolian | October 12, 2007 at 1:56 pm
#40 – Why don’t you stick the shield of faith up your ass? You are on the wrong site dude.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Wow. Allasson… that’s really touching. I’m so glad you’ve come here to grace us all with your piousness. Why don’t you come to me and let me touch your backside?’
oh and…
Why did Popeye slug Jesus.
For going to mount Olive.
Bella Tane | October 12, 2007 at 2:01 pm
40.
Christ on a stick!
That drivel sounds like a cheap knock-off of Manowar…
veggi | October 12, 2007 at 2:02 pm
Oh okay, since it’s joke day…
Q: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
A: Bit of both, this is a rape.
BonBon | October 12, 2007 at 2:09 pm
It looks like she is wearing those sticky cups from Victorias Secret. They just stick to your boobs no straps required.
ssdd | October 12, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Noticing that Britney’s hair is looking like shit these days… she should definitely get in touch with this girls stylist… notice how they weaved in the extensions and made this girl look like she actually has human hair .. completely removing the wool and brillo ….I applaud whomever performed this grueling task. .
veggi | October 12, 2007 at 2:10 pm
44- I hate you.
Sam Hain | October 12, 2007 at 2:10 pm
veggi!!!
that is SO inappropriate…
I love it.
Top Ten Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
6. When you have a Beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.
4. You don’t have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.
3. There are laws saying Beer labels can’t lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a Beer.
1. If you’ve devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.
veggi knows that god hates her troll | October 12, 2007 at 2:11 pm
now I’m fucking thristy!!!!! dammit!
Jocelyn Elder | October 12, 2007 at 2:16 pm
re: veggi @44 -
Ugly women benefit from rape because otherwise they wouldn’t know the pleasure of intercourse.