Beyonce doesn’t sound like her songs? I’m shocked.

- Beyonce’s real singing voice or that time I thought my cat was a beautiful woman? I mean, not that you’re not, Whiskers. Who’s a good girl? [Jezebel] UPDATE: TMZ confirms it’s a hoax.

- Michael Phelps is apparently dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. Because there’s something to be said about vigorous dry-humping after reading the Bible. But not really. [Allie is Wired]

- Nicollete Sheridan gets killed off Desperate Housewives, and nobody watches. Except a tearful Michael Bolton. “Tell me how am I supposed to live without you… Oh, wait. I’m rich. To the Whores Room!” [Vulture]

- Paris Hilton allowed near African royalty. Christ, haven’t these people suffered enough? This is probably a good time for our president to say “Aw, hellll no.” [PopSugar]

- Billy Bob Thornton thinks you’re a “humpback geek” for noticing when he acts like an asshole in international news. — But still think he’s cool, alright? Please? He’ll say the “French fried potater” line. [Videogum]

- Bo Bice gets his own trading card. Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan. And he loves American Idol. [Best Week Ever]

Photos: Splash News