Beyonce doesn’t sound like her songs? I’m shocked.

April 22nd, 2009 // 58 Comments

- Beyonce’s real singing voice or that time I thought my cat was a beautiful woman? I mean, not that you’re not, Whiskers. Who’s a good girl? [Jezebel] UPDATE: TMZ confirms it’s a hoax.

- Michael Phelps is apparently dating Miss California Carrie Prejean. Because there’s something to be said about vigorous dry-humping after reading the Bible. But not really. [Allie is Wired]

- Nicollete Sheridan gets killed off Desperate Housewives, and nobody watches. Except a tearful Michael Bolton. “Tell me how am I supposed to live without you… Oh, wait. I’m rich. To the Whores Room!” [Vulture]

- Paris Hilton allowed near African royalty. Christ, haven’t these people suffered enough? This is probably a good time for our president to say “Aw, hellll no.” [PopSugar]

- Billy Bob Thornton thinks you’re a “humpback geek” for noticing when he acts like an asshole in international news. — But still think he’s cool, alright? Please? He’ll say the “French fried potater” line. [Videogum]

- Bo Bice gets his own trading card. Yes, Virginia, there is a Satan. And he loves American Idol. [Best Week Ever]

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. HankTheDwarf

    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
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    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE
    BEYONCE FIANCE

  2. gia

    yeah… and her hair is really blonde and straight too.

  3. testington

    i cant hear the clip at work, but I know ppl that worked with her for a live show and they said her voice sounds good in person

  4. Anonymous

    Bouncey cannot sing. Listen to that clip……she’s horrendous.

  5. Police Officer Lawson

    @Gia

    You’re a racist

  6. abbz

    the clip is fake. Beonce is a very good singer. Thats why destiny’s child ever got popular in the first place.

  7. Randal

    Beyonce has been singing her tune since she was a young girl and as previously noted, was the lead in Destiny’s Child. To this day, the songs by that trio of ladies can still be heard in the clubs. This woman’s got talent!

    Randal

  8. Tessa

    I thought monkeys could only screech. You mean they can try to sing, too?

    Her legs look like tree trunks. Bit scuffed up, too.

    And damn if MC Jay Z Super Fly doesn’t look like something right out of the Jungle Book. I guess he is right out of the jungle.

  9. Cash

    “Billy Bob Thornton thinks you’re a “humpback geek” for noticing when he asks like an asshole in international news”

    Wonder if that’s anything like *acting* like an asshole on *on* international news?

    The more you attack Miss California, the more I start to think you really are Perez Hilton Op. Why? Because a heterosexual man would be too busy looking at her body to give a shit what came out of her mouth. I’ve dated some pretty girls in my time, and none of them were known for randomly quoting Nietzsche.

  10. Objection sustained

    Oh racist dude, why don’t you DIE and stop using pseudonyms. That means “false names”, btw.

  11. mez

    Anyone with a good ear can easily tell that the clip is fake. The shifts in her voice sound very unnatural, someone has obviously messed around with the recording.

  12. AJ

    Beyonce is getting fatter! Her fat knees means her butt and thighs and hips have gotten bigger too!

  13. Tom K

    I see Beyonce is eating well, she’s on her way to looking like Aretha Franklin! Also she has ugly fucking legs. All that money can’t the bitch by cocoa butter for those scars. Why do girls with ugly legs always like to show them.

  14. Langdon

    that Stern recording is so obviously fake. I can’t believe people fall for that bullshit.

  15. you idiot

    cash you are a quality man. we can tell that.
    oh and by the way
    FU

  16. Bobaloo

    RE: Billy Douche Thornton, do you mean “asks” or acts?

  17. K.T

    FUCKING WHITE GIRL WANNABE.

    Seriously, she wants to be a white, blond chic so fucking bad, I dont know how many white girls I’ve seen wearing outfits like this for fuck sake….yet I’m still to come across a black chic that does….

    EVEN in her film clips she uses them as a fucking excuse to wear blond wigs and there’s always so much fucking lighting she LOOKS white!! Its like ASIAN whores who wear blue contact lenses and dye their hair blond and wear Barbie backpacks….if I see ONE more of those cunts walking past me I’m gonna knock their Monkey heads off!!!!

    I’m sick of seeing this diva fucking monkey face slut…..bootylicious my fucking ass! More like dimpled cellulite ridden pothole fucking lump of fat!!

    Oh….and honey….you seriously need to do something about your foul chimp legs, you look like you’ve been scraping them across gravel for 3wks. Freak.

  18. hiya!

    brains + beauty = the best you can get
    idiot + beauty = good for a few nights, as you so have proved with your “i have dated a few pretty girls”

  19. I’m not suprised!

    Has she got a lisp or something? her lyrics always seem to get tied when she’s trying to sing.

    terrible

  20. word?

    really tho? why all these clowns hatin on b? hatin ass punks. do u

  21. Darth

    I was glad to hear Beyonce singing finally live.

  22. Jamie's Uterus

    What’s next? J-Lo can’t sing either? Shocking!

  23. Gando

    Is that really Beyonce on the photo?

  24. hello

    ok enough racists. she is beautiful. you are too damn closed minded (or a right wing christian- whoops) to see that.

    speaking of right wing christians (and all those sorts of fascist types)
    looks like the christian right is working their magic- a match between phelps and the “so called” beauty queen (thanks LA plastic surgery!), this is truly a match made in heavan! (i always suspected “they” were part of “that” group too…….explains alot…..)

  25. Rhialto

    Very charming looking first lady of Cameroon!

  26. no one

    Whoever wrote that Beyonce comment (TMZ) needs to learn how to write. I read it three times and still have no idea what they’re saying.

    I think they’re trying to be funny, but fail miserably.

  27. Galtacticus

    I’m getting hungry watching Billy Bob Thornton’s clip! Not good for my diet!

  28. Beyonce can sing. I don’t think that was her voice.

  29. what a jerk

    @18 You’re just stupid.

  30. Stupid Trailer Trash

    @8/ 18… Oh, what a surprise. Subhuman trailer trash read gossip blogs.

    Who knew?

  31. ham

    Beyonce is part French, if memory serves right. As in, part white. So what’s with the racist comments of her trying to “look white”?

    But what I really can’t get over is how hideous Jay-Z is. Seriously, why did she pick him?

  32. I knew it for some time now:
    SHE IS TRICKING BLACK AMERICA WITH THAT SMILE OF HER, folks!!

  33. Geronimo

    I’m tired of Miss California. The bitch is stupid, a bigot, and a hypocrite. Next.

  34. Beyonce is very good singer I really like her voice and the way she dance.. She’s very talented.

  35. beyonHAY HAY HAY!!!!!

    18–you have assaulted my intelligence. I will never forgive you.

  36. Ali Knievel

    All this time I thought “Gay Hollywood Hitler” was just an absurd character Chris Kattan used to do on SNL. The racist Superficial troll has gone from just mindlessly quoting Stormfront bullshit to catty gay racism. Funny. BTW, Beyonce is is fucking gorgeous but I didn’t know Jay Z was so short. She’s like 5’2″ and he’s almost eye to eye with her. Even if she’s wearing heels he still looks like a midget.

  37. Airen

    I liked it when you posted the updates with a line of pictures for each person. Not just the first one…cause not always the funniest.

  38. puhleez

    You would have to be such a musical retard to believe this…Beyonce, Christina A., Mariah, Madonna, Fergie, Shakira…these ladies are so OBVIOUSLY talented and conditioned that you really need to be a deaf idiot to think that can be faked. Rhianna, Britney, Miley, on the other hand…there’s a bit of a difference there, you know?

  39. Maria

    Hold da fast hvor nogle grimme sko..
    Men ellers er hun da meget pæn!!

  40. lola

    How does being right wing make you racist or a fundamental Christian? Stop watching the “Zionist Jew” tube. I am extremely right wing, but not in the liberal democrat “Republican” party. I am a conservative so I support gay marriage and well.. anything that doesn’t hurt or lessen another person’s quality of life. I respect all religions as I believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

    I think women deserve the right to choose, but abortion is a terrible thing which leaves the woman scarred for life and a life lost. I believe that young girls/ women need to be counseled on the potential effects of abortion and to consider alternatives first.

    True conservatives (or right wing “terrorists”) are against war, useless government spending, regulating and spying on all aspects of citizens rights by the government. We conservatives are FOR human rights… not blacks’ rights or women’s rights or immigrants’ rights.

    We understand the importance of protecting our borders for the protection of American citizens and keeping incomes from plummeting (which has been proven to be a result of illegal immigration). I have the highest respects for LEGAL immigrants from all around the world. They sacrifice and struggle to become citizens and then are slapped in the face by border jumpers stealing their jobs as well.

    A true conservative doesn’t believe in taxation without representation. We come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, male or female. Turn off the tv and go out into the real world. There is a hidden agenda behind the news, which is to spread hate and divide Americans over petty things. It is the same with the republican and democratic parties (which are both run by the same shadow government). My world is real and light years from the lala crazy land on tv.

  41. Langdon

    lola, what you are describing is neither right wing nor conservative. You’re describing “classical liberalism,” ie the ideals of Thomas Jefferson.

  42. Bob Smith

    FAT ASS……….There should be a law against ugly people fucking………

  43. Lisa

    She obviiously can’t sing, Howard Stern played her singing over back tracks,
    and she is singing off key.
    I’m not surprised this came out right before her stupid movie.

    And by the way she stole that song for B.C Jean, so it also Karma biting her back on the ass.

  44. Lisa

    She obviiously can’t sing, Howard Stern played her singing over back tracks,
    and she is singing off key.
    I’m not surprised this came out right before her stupid movie.

    And by the way she stole that song for B.C Jean, so it also Karma biting her back on the ass.

  45. TUBBO

    Beyonce packs more cottage cheese than Breakstone’s…..

  46. FACE

    Why is it news that this bitch cant sing? She, like every single young female pop star except Alicia Keys, gets over of on a slutty image and exposing T and A in hooker clothes. I would bang the shit out of her though. I would leave her ass hole looking like 3 lbs of ground beef.

  47. BIGHAIRYASSDUDE

    I really HATE this FAKE’ASS ACTRESS!! WANNABE!!….
    SHE WILL NEVER!!!! have a BLOCK BUSTER MOVIE!! SHE SUCKS!!
    that lady CAN’T act for shit….she can sing! but I just can’t buy her music
    because I hate her so much!

  48. salawhite

    Recently I found a hot club — SeekingTall . c o m — just for sexy tall gals and guys to find their cupid. Come on, tall singles. Don’t miss your love.

  49. she's a fat ugly big boned animal (bootyliscious?)

    JZ is one ugly motherfucker too. What kind of name is Beyonce? I wish she would take her lovely blonde highlights out and let her kinky hair go natural. I wish all black chicks would do that. All of you non-whites hate our fucking guts. I wonder how the world would have been if one of you pieces of shit had the brains to take over first.
    We all know black men hate women. They mutilate them in Africa. They beat them and abandon them here. I know it’s all da white man’s fault.
    I like looking at street cred underwear too – what a noble intelligent race! But they got them Big Dicks!

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