We’ve reached peak black microphone.
If you’re like me, you abstain from all religions including ones tied with the Catholic Church for Most Rapes, so for your work-neglecting pleasure, here are the trailers for Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Lone Ranger, Oz: The Great And Powerful and Fast & Furious 6 that aired during last night’s Super Bowl. Or you can just look at all the pics of Beyonce‘s groin performing the halftime show. It’s not like I spent all morning embedding these after making sure they were nice HD versions or anything, jerks.
Iron Man 3
This is the extended version the 30 second Super Bowl spot pointed fans to on Facebook just in case everyone wasn’t sure Robert Downey Jr. is in this movie as some sort of witty robot man.
Star Trek Into Darkness
More like Star Trek Into What? No Lightsabers? Fuck This, I’m Out, amirite?
The Lone Ranger
“Is it a gritty action movie? A comedy? No, wait, who cares? Johnny Depp‘s wearing silly clothes and talking funny! Whee!” – The sound of Disney making another $100 trillion.
Oz: The Great And Powerful
Waitaminnit, this doesn’t look like an impressionistic avant garde student film on the metaphysical properties of masturbating into a Venetian blind. For shame, James Franco, for shame…
Fast & Furious 6
Why why why why WHY?! (Apply to both the existence of this movie and Gina Carano not kicking one goddamn person in this trailer. Not one.)