Beyonce & The Dixie Chicks Killed All The Cops And Jesus

In what will probably go down as the biggest surprise “Fuck you” to directly fly in the face of every racist asshole who wants to “Make America Great Again,” Beyonce and The Dixie Chicks performed at the CMAs last night, which are words I can’t believe I just typed. Not only that, but they performed Beyonce’s “Daddy Lessons” – a song about getting your gun if the KKK comes to town – because apparently it wasn’t enough that she came out on stage with The Dixie Chicks during the whitest awards show on TV. Kenny Chesney might actually be dead right now. That’s how crazy it was.

So needless to say, white people are pissed, and I don’t even need to tell you their stupid reactions because you saw the headline. What I want to know is how the hell something this amazing even happened because, again, Beyonce AND The Dixie Chicks. Was it the person who books the acts’ last day? I mean, Jesus Christ.

“Hey, Nancy, I know this is your last show, so I’m not even going to bother checking on what you’ve got planned. I’m sure it’ll be great.”
“Yee-haw?”
“That’s our girl. So, look, quick question, and I feel stupid even asking this, but are you Barack Obama in a wig?”
“… No?”
“Of course you’re not. That was stupid to ask. Enjoy your last day!” *leaves*
“Phew, goddamn…”

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Photos: Getty