Beyonce’s Moving Out

Yesterday, we found out that Jay Z cheated on Beyonce with Rihanna which was also the reason for Solange’s elevator attack if we’re all going to start believing lizard people talking points now. Why make them go through the trouble of secretly putting mind control in our water? That’s my motto. Anyway, now comes word that Beyonce has been secretly shopping for penthouses without a camel pen for Jay Z to sleep in. Page Six reports:

“She was very quiet, as if she was looking on the sly,” a source said.
Fueling the notion that Beyoncé is not shopping for both of them is the fact that Jay Z has always been extremely involved in their real estate deals, sources said.
Yet he was nowhere to be seen during the apartment showing, they added.
Jay also would be loath to leave their current posh Tribeca pad, a source said.

KIM: “Ohmygod, are they really getting a divorce?”
KANYE: “I dunno. Probably.”
KIM: “We’ll never get one though, right?”
KANYE: “…”
KIM: “Right?!”
KANYE: “…”
KIM: “Hello? Did you hang up on me?”
KANYE: “… *snaps fingers* Kim! Sorry, bitch, forgot your name for a second. What were you saying?”

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