Bertney Wins A Trophy!

The Superficial | January 9, 2014 - 10:43 am

Bertney Wins A Trophy!
A Scholastic Learning Book

Bertney was excited. Papa had told her she was getting an award for Favorite Pop Artist. She didn’t know what that meant, but she guessed it had to do with the time he made her say “Bitch” into a microphone. It was a funny word, and Bertney had fun saying it over and over again.
While the men who talk like girls helped Bertney get her fancy clothes on, Papa explained the rules for the night.
“Absolutely no red carpet, Bertney Jean,” Papa said sternly. “And when someone asks you a question, what do you do?”
“Smile big and nod my head,” Bertney answered proudly. She was getting very good at following the rules. Especially at awards show because sometimes if she goes right to her seat and eats her snacks quietly, Papa will take out his phone and let her play Angry Birds. Bertney loved Angry Birds.
“Very good,” Papa said. “Now, this time David is going to be with you. Who do you tell people David is?”
“My boyfriend,” Bertney quickly answered. She really wanted those Angry Birds.
“And remember to kiss him on the mouth,” Papa added. “We want this to look real.”
“Ewww,” Bertney said before catching herself, “I mean, you got it, Papa!” Phew, that was a close call.
“Alright, places, people,” Papa said to everyone in the room. “Let’s get Bertney to her big night.”
Bertney jumped up and down. She could practically feel Papa’s phone in her hands. Those pigs wouldn’t know what hit them. Slowly, everyone left the room except for Papa who looked very concerned all of a sudden.
“Bertney,” he said, “You know Papa loves you, right?”
“Yes,” Bertney said. “And I already know I gots to let David touch my pee-pee place if I want to play Angry Birds.”
“Well, golly,” Papa said with a smile and a tear in his eye. “Look at you, all growin’ up.”
“My brain’s gettin’ BIG!” Bertney laughed before giving Papa a hug and making their way to the snack cupboard. This was going to the best night ever.

The End.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN