Bertney And The Magic Casino

December 5th, 2013 // 20 Comments

Bertney And The Magic Casino
A Yay! Phonics Reader

“Can I play the mersheen with the shiny coins?” Bertney asked Papa excitedly as they walked inside their hotel.
“Not now, Bertney,” Papa replied grumpily. He was upset because one of the bodyguards gave Bertney a chocolate bar on the flight. Bertney wasn’t allowed to have sugar on flights, but it tasted so good and all she had to do was show him her tinkle place. Bertney loved making trades.
“How about the spinny thing with them numbers in it?” Bertney asked.
“Not now!” Papa replied even more angrily.
“He’s in a really bad mood,” thought Bertney. “I know what’ll cheer him up.”
While Papa talked to the lady at the counter, Bertney went to the gift shop where a crowd of people gathered. Her plan was already working.
“Y’all give me five dollahs, and I’ll show mah boobies!” she told the crowd as fists full of money shot in the air. Bertney lifted up her shirt then quickly gathered up all the money. Surely this would make Papa smile.
“Papa! Papa!” Bertney yelled as she raced back to the counter. “I made you a hun’red dollahs!”
“Bertney,” Papa asked. “Where did you get this money?”
“Boobie show!” Bertney giggled making Papa laugh, too. He forgot all about the chocolate bar, and even told the nice man who carried their suitcases to put cartoons on for her. It was the bestest day she ever had.

The End

Photos: Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News, WENN

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  1. Mohawk Disco

    Love these stories. Keep’em coming, Fish.

  2. These are hilarious! So awesome!

  3. Convex

    Fish’s Bertney stories = Mega incredibleness.

  4. HEIL CHOCOLATE CAKE.

  5. That’s some damn fine writing, Fish. You’ve got a gift.

  6. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    The fuck is up with her armpit?

  7. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    With Britney as our leader the crazy trains will run on time.

  8. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    this gal is alright by me. She actually got sick of all the Hollywood trickery so she yanked those fun bags out, shaved off the hair extensions and gave a big f you to everyone. She tried to find simple, romantic happiness with a common stooge. She tried to live a more authentic life. She knew she was sold by her own parents, sexualized at 16 and used by many for a buck. Wouldn’t that give you a break-down? She was fighting her way out by whatever method. All this reflects the workings of a much healthier mind than the majority of hollywood. She is also far more talented than all the pop stars put together. So Bertny, you have my support. You go girl with your crazy self.

  9. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Dave Navarro
    Commented on this photo:

    Perry Farrell? Great, just great. This means Lollapalooza is really gonna suck next year.

  10. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    This probably isn’t the best way to greet the old soldiers on Veteran’s Day.

  11. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    The reality hit her that washed up stars end up performing in Vegas.

  12. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey y’all! Look at what my pinky can do!”

  13. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    “I never thought that anything could relieve the pain of me losing my sweet mustache until I helped an insane pop star get a singing job in Las Vegas… My name is Earl.”

  14. …it’s spelled “hun’erd”.

  15. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jim Bob! This is the prostitute I want!”

  16. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Commented on this photo:

    These pics don’t look like her – did she have work done recently?

  17. Britney Spears Derpface Planet Hollywood Show Official Arrival
    Lulu
    Commented on this photo:

    Britney es hermosa, siempre ponen las peores fotos

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