This Is Why You Never Drink Around Tom Cruise

September 20th, 2012 // 51 Comments

“Xenu.. mindbeams.. mindbeams in my butt.. Xenu.. Tom Berenger.. sell my dad’s company.. Xenu.. Ohmygod, that woman‘s MELTING.. Xenu.. buttrays.. Xenu.. No, I don’t want a handjob, handsome midget.. Xenu.. Xenu.. E-meter? More like butt-meter! AHAHA! Xenu.. Nah, I’ll take the Marion Cotillard train home.. Xenu..”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    wow… someone got old quick!

  2. ButBecky

    Who the fuck is that?

  3. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, she looks 50. An old 50.

  4. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    He just saw Tara Reid.

  5. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Beltliner
    Commented on this photo:

    Suzanne Somers is looking pretty decent for…. HOLY SHIT WAIT THAT’S TARA REID.

  6. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does anybody else smell closet-case?”

  7. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    He looked better than this as the corpse in The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada.

  8. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    This is hilarious. My lover loves this.

    His brain has been sucked out by Xenu and he will be a believer before long.

  9. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet he bought that guitar case pre-beat-up.

  10. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t fault her strategy: grab the guy with the guitar.
    That’s what I did and it worked out fine.

  11. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, getting ran through like the streets of barcelona has really taken a toll on her. It’s probably like throwing a hot dog down a hallway…

  12. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Sandoucheky
    Commented on this photo:

    Gotta say, cool jacket

  13. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    You never go full retard

  14. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Aw Jesus this is sad. Just bag it and tag it, for everyones sake.

  15. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Anthony
    Commented on this photo:

    I had the same facial expression as the guy in background

  16. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    I seriously hate giving this man compliments but he really does look pretty decent for a 50 year-old. Even if he is wearing Suri’s North Face jacket.

    • Cock Dr

      Tom Cruise has probably had more plastic surgery on his face than Heidi Montag.

      • Sliver

        Except when I look at his face, I can’t tell it was plastic surgery. The man didn’t go budget car rental on the surgery, just looks like he is aging well, the true mark of a good plastic surgeon.

  17. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Ann Coulter?

  18. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    NEVER try to outdrink Tara Reid!

  19. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Dinkle
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the long face?

  20. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Notice he’s the only one sober looking? He rufied the fuck out of those guys!

  21. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    sunshine
    Commented on this photo:

    Dead man walking.

  22. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Donk
    Commented on this photo:

    Jowls.

  23. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Hugh Jazz
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jeeshush, you gotta firkin’ three thousshand watt bulb there bud? Wait, thishhh ish the England, right? What do the metricshh call wattsh?”

  24. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Do you guys remember the part where she sends all the winged monkeys out to get the pretty girl. Later, the pretty girl ends up melting her.

  25. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Tom has the cutest little farts.

  26. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t always drive this car, but when I do, I raise my eyebrows.

  27. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    I cant believe they let him keep his Maverick glasses. Jelly.

  28. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    I see it now ladies & gentlmen: Tara Cruise! Who’s with me?

  29. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    arnieblackblack
    Commented on this photo:

    I flip yah…I flip yah f’real

  30. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    JohnnyLawns
    Commented on this photo:

    GARDENHOSER!!! Is that you?

  31. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, NOBODY will recognize you with those sunglasses on .. not that your gignormous nose isn’t a dead giveaway.

  32. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Look who escaped from the group home!

  33. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    MILF
    Commented on this photo:

    “Me go pee pee in your coke.”

  34. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s Kate plus one?

  35. Sliver

    The guy in the main pic (Benecio Del Toro, did I get that right?) always looks this way……what?? WHAT???

  36. Jaariel

    Take it easy on del Toro. He must’ve just realized he fathered Kimberly Stewart’s baby.

  37. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s fallen a long way since Rookie of the Year

  38. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    PZ
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face has gone the same direction as her boobs.

  39. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    PZ
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, you wanna come up to my apartment?”
    “Hmm, no thanks, I just remembered I’ve got some busking to do.”

  40. Tom Cruise Benicio Del Toro Tara Reid Thomas Ian Nicholas Annabels Private Members Club
    Commented on this photo:

    Tell yourself he’s prone, and rigor mortis has set in.

    It’s almost easier for the mind to accept.

  41. Ve

    Is that the same elevator his child was concieved in?

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