Ben Stiller defends Tom Cruise

January 24th, 2008 // 188 Comments

Ben Stiller and other celebrities are defending Tom Cruise after several Scientology videos were leaked last week and an unauthorized autobiography about Tom was released. People reports:

“Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did,” says Stiller. “People lose sight of the fact that Tom Cruise is actually a person. I feel for him.”

Ben Stiller has a point. I mean, Tom Cruise is a person. Who’s really an alien – trapped inside a person. That can talk to other aliens inside other persons. It all makes sense when you think about it and are really, really high.

NOTE: I reposted the FunnyOrDie spoof because, well, it’s freaking hilarious. I still can’t get over it’s Jerry O’Connell. I thought he was just a myth.


  1. Jaffo

    The best Tom Cruise impressions I have seen usually are to be found in kiddie porn vids. Alien kiddie porn vids. With turtlenecks…

  2. Oooh, looks like we’ve upset the fine balance of “wit” that’s been standard here for months. Boo-hoo.

  3. Comeon Fish People…. joke around…. learn about humour!

    *flips scarf over shoulder*

  4. #97 – I assume you’ll be mailing me a check for my nasal surgery, snce you just made me laugh so hard I have a piece of frit stuck in my nose… just not in the “Cruise” fashion…

  5. JizzBucket

    So…stay and make the place fun again. I promise I won’t peek at your privates.

  6. p0nk

    um deacon, calling any of the xanga girls ‘fat’ misses by a mile so it would be in your best interest to chill unless you enjoy looking foolish. i can attest they are all quite hot. i’m not sure what prompted the uprising in here today or the anomosity towards me. I do wish you all would lay off of Office Whore because she is not part of the majority douchebaggery in here. And #90, i don’t know who you are, but i’m pretty sure i’m not part of the generic ‘yours’.

  7. Anonymous

    Hey Jennifer:

    Hi there, I’m a loser with no life. I’m paid $3.50 per hour to post idiotic drivel, directing you to some lame dating website that takes your money and gives you nothing in return. I have no job, so I sit around all day and post this garbage on as many websites as I can under many different aliases. I don’t have any friends, so I must rely on these moronic posts to make myself feel better about myself. My mother hates me and dropped me on my head as a child. You can find me at I’
    I heard Jamie Lynn Spears met her older man, I mean match, at this site. and all those other fucking dating sites that get spammed around here are all registered to this asshole. Du Qiang 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States 650-906-0405

  8. Jaffo

    If no one’s gonna peek at my privates, I am fucking out of here. –crosses the road with the chicken–

  9. I’m loving this! I remember all you funsters from before… fuck, welcome back!

  10. LOL!

    LOL! I love it!

  11. Jaffo

    If no one’s gonna peek at my privates, I am fucking out of here. –crosses the road with the chicken–

  12. meh

    I love how it goes from funny (or stupid…bacon…) comments about the story to bashing each other in 30 comments or less.

  13. @106–

    Thanks, blondie. Let me know if you need some, ah, sunscreen any time. *wink*

  14. p0nk

    ok papa, my bad, you crazyass sheepfocking jew.

  15. @105 *looks dramatically away*…well….I don’t know if we WANT to stay now. If you don’t look at my privates then why do I bother shaving and anal bleaching? it’s like I’m doing all this for NOTHING.

  16. gatorbates

    Hey Ferrets, where’s the Minnesota girl?

  17. The Office Whore

    aww p0nk. I woulda stood up for myself, but fuckin’ pops has me changing this stupid tire.

  18. @106–

    Thanks, blondie. Let me know if you need some, ah, sunscreen any time. *wink*

  19. I wish this site had avatars because I would break out the sheepf0cking jew Papa avatar right now.

  20. Jaffo

    -beaches his taint for his own personal amusement. And for the chicken…

  21. p0nk

    apache, ‘sunscreen’ ah, good times, good times.

  22. Papahotnuts

    I want to take the person in #107 and pull off her panties, and with all my might and strength, open-handedly slap her cunt as hard as God will allow me to do so. I mean I really want to whack it.

  23. @112-we made you love. WE MADE YOU FEEL AGAIN!!!

  24. Oops, sorry for the double post. Why does the “movable type” thing like to mess with me? Hmm… don’t answer that.

  25. @122
    Oh, Papa, you romantic fool, you.

  26. Besame….mucho!!!!!!!!!


  27. Anal Fistula

    Zanna, you rule…comment #41 is an instant classic.

  28. @127….my God…I love the word FISTULA.




  29. LL

    I guess the backlash backlash has begun. You know, if other celebrities made videos of themselves snake handling or speaking in tongues or molesting little kids or beating homos to death, we’d think they were fuckin’ crazy too. Obviously, it’s not TC’s fault (or is it? some people do think there’s no such thing as bad PR, look at Britney) that the video was made public, but you’d think that somebody would have thought twice about videotaping something that looks like a fucking Nazi rally if they didn’t want the rest of us to conclude that Scientologists are out of their goddamned minds (LRH! LRH! LRH!). A sex tape could only improve TC’s rep at this point.

    The thing I dislike about celebrities (really the only thing) is that they love PR when it works for them and saturate the airwaves with their talk show appearances to shill their latest movie, book, religion, whatever, but when it turns against them, all of a sudden, we’re a bunch of assholes for watching.
    Bottom line, don’t act like a nutjob and we won’t think you are one.

  30. The crappy current Fish writer is reading this saying “Thank God… I live another day… I mean look boss! Look at all these hits!!!”

    Meanwhile, the high school students are shuddering nervously, debating whether or not to hit “Post Your Comment”.

  31. #129 That’s so wonderful -all your interesting little words there, so neat and AMAZING, but….. we really would like to know ummm…. what side of the bread do YOU butter, what little tricks do you use to WOW your lovers, hmmmm?

  32. Jaffo

    @122–It’s about time we had an open and honest discussion of the joys of ‘cunt slapping’ in this Nation. I commend you, sir…

  33. LL

    Also, Tom Cruise has been married 3 times… I’ll take my life coaching from someone who hasn’t participated in two failed marriages. And hopped all over Oprah’s couch like a monkey on meth. And doesn’t cackle maniacally at nothing. And doesn’t worship a dead science fiction writer.

    K, Tom? Thanks.

    Fistula is a pretty cool word, but I understand it is a very unpleasant condition.

  34. Funniest thing about this post: “Unauthorized autobiography”

    Bwah hahahaha.

    Did Tom Cruise write it, then reject his own words and disown himself?

  35. Dr. Phil

    Now, now, Rich. You’ll dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back like that. But yeah, it’s way more fun today. Fuckers.

  36. #135 – I’m double jointed… I generally dislocate my wrists whilst a-whack…

  37. Joe Blow

    That was hilarious …………way to go Jerry !

  38. Joe Blow

    That was hilarious …………way to go Jerry !

  39. whatever

    @ 3 HAHAHAHA. “FARTKNOCKER”??? Last time I heard that word was in the early 90s. At recess. Please tell me your entire statement was meant to be funny. Because either your sense of irony is finely tuned, or you are a fucking idiot.

  40. Alie

    Can someone point me to where I can see any of the original Tom Cruise scientology rant videos? There are a bunch of spoofs out there, but I guess I did not act quick enough to see what they are based off of.

  41. Cho

    Deal Dialy: Today, not so good. Roud mouth name Bacon Messiah tark beau coupe shit. Make me so piss off.

  42. Gack

    I love Jerry O’Connell. That was AWESOME!

  43. Par-Tay

    #141 – Uhhhhhhhhh, what???

  44. Nora

    Oh. My. God. Jerry O’Connell is my new hero. That is genius. And much better than the Tom Cruise version. Did anyone else think at the end of Tom’s 7 minutes “Actually, he didn’t say ONE thing about the religion itself, or anything specific about ANYTHING?” Jerry at least makes it clear. He believes in KFC.

  45. The Sampan Man

    143–uhhhhhhhh, what? That’s like the smartest thing to ever fall out of your pie hole I bet. Anyhoo…..don’t you speak Korean? Cho said he’s not happy because he came to the superficial and there was a loud mouth taking a lot of junk named Bacon Messiah. Sheesh!

  46. Thsy

    Tom Cruise has a direct line to the Alien nation. That can’t be fictional because Predator told me so.
    Plus, Mr. Cruise is free to practice his insanity, just as we are free to make fun of it. I hope Tom Cruise gets a girly-man that wears eyeliner to cry on Youtube for him. Like Jared Leto or something. That would be made of win.

  47. Sara

    I love Tom Cruise and wish people would stop poking fun at his beliefs. He’s incredibly polite and respectful, and has never really behaved in an haughty or obnoxious manner. So please, cunts, leave him alone and focus on the real turds.

  48. Jrz

    147–I beg to differ….exhibit A: Couch Jumping on Oprah.

  49. Scientology Is The Way

    It is sad to see all the hate and insecurity on this site that comes up whenever Scientology is mentioned. This is a classic defense mechanism — Scientology shows you a way to improve your life, but you are too afraid to take it, so you lash out.

    Don’t be afraid.

  50. another cunt

    The Matt Lauer interview was worse – arrogant, hyper-aggressive, and as always, shot through with tard in terms of what he was saying.

Leave A Comment