Ben Stiller defends Tom Cruise

January 24th, 2008 // 188 Comments

Ben Stiller and other celebrities are defending Tom Cruise after several Scientology videos were leaked last week and an unauthorized autobiography about Tom was released. People reports:

“Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did,” says Stiller. “People lose sight of the fact that Tom Cruise is actually a person. I feel for him.”

Ben Stiller has a point. I mean, Tom Cruise is a person. Who’s really an alien – trapped inside a person. That can talk to other aliens inside other persons. It all makes sense when you think about it and are really, really high.

NOTE: I reposted the FunnyOrDie spoof because, well, it’s freaking hilarious. I still can’t get over it’s Jerry O’Connell. I thought he was just a myth.


  1. RCA

    This from the guy who made losing your jerk juice famous??

  2. @ 49
    Not exactly.

  3. Hey, BaconMessiah, it’s HERMAPHRODITE, and if you want to whip out the zingers, I suggest taking a lesson from anyone else on this thread.

  4. LadyJane and Zanna, you know you love it like this.

  5. @49: Not even close.

  6. Papahotnuts

    What’s up Ponk. Dude, I just found out last week you were a guy. I thought you were a chick. No offense, I really did. But if you take offense, I will gladly teabag you in front of a church.

  7. p0nk

    “Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did,” says Stiller.

    Ben, if you mean saying things like “eat the placenta” bronzing the first turd, and hiding the baby in a dark closet until they land the priciest photo op – then yes, people that do that kind of thing to a baby are batshit crazy.
    oh and btw Ben, you’re not funny.

  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Ferrets are disgusting creatures, and you can’t use them like you can a gerbil, right p0nk?

  10. @57-
    Jerry O’Connell is, however. And does a damn fine Cruise impression… except for the fact that he’s about a foot taller, but what are ya gonna do?

  11. Gerbils- I find them to be a bit tooo fiesty for my taste. pinky_nip.


    There are those who come
    many who are not worthy
    click the link to see.

    See you.

  13. deaconjones

    Im sensing a lot of hostility from Lady Jane and Zanna…
    they must be fat pigs

  14. Ferrets are nasty creatures, you’re correct, Pinks. So are possums. Make good speed bumps, though.

  15. The Office Whore

    What the fuck is up with all the links to some xanga shit?? Are you ALL the same fucking person??

    Jerry’s thinking this will be more of a come back than Jenna’s c u m- back..

    @54- Yeah, we’re gonna click on a link that says sexual abuse rape victim you fucking fuckwad..

  16. If ItWasUpToMe

    Jerry O’Connell should be offered a $20 million dollar movie role as a reward for making this most excellent video. I say replace Tom Cruise with Jerry O’Connell

  17. The link is very enjoyable! You will enjoy it. ENJOY!!!

  18. @65–

    Ya never know.

  19. @63 – you sound hostile yourself. I deduct from your choice of lower case letters that you have a small penis.

  20. You fuckers aren’t chicken are you???????? Go and find out.
    bock bock bock BUKAKKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. @69–

    Probably drives a truck with very large tires, too.

  22. p0nk

    i really can’t figure out what Bacon has done to piss off the ferret clan to bring them all in here this morning, other than general douchebaggery, but there is never a lack of those in here.
    and papa, not sure what your prob is, finally have a sober moment? nice to know you all still talk about me.

  23. Papahotnuts

    Zanna- #63 is not necessarily true. I sometimes type in lower case letters because when I have my dick out while typing, it covers everything from F5 down to the letter “v” and everything to the left of it, including the shift button. (it’s a visual). My right shift button doesn’t work because I tore it off in frustration for having such a huge penis.

  24. It’s easy to be the Office Whore when you work for your daddy at the tire shop.

  25. Do NOT criticize deaconjones, he is very silly and soooo butch, right ladies?

  26. Who said it has anything to do with Bacon?

  27. Papahotnuts

    Ponk- don’t kid yourself, I’ve never had a sober moment. The last time I had a sober moment was when

  28. meh

    What’s supposed to be so bad about the picture linked by the FerretGirls (sorry, that’s your SuperFish birthname and your stuck with it)? It’d be different if the heel of the shoe was puncturing the scrotum. Any guy who played competitive sports and got kicked or elbowed in the ‘nads, or hit by a baseball or puck, has already had that experience. Come on, you can do better than that, FerretGirls.

  29. The Office Whore

    p0nk- looks like Tom got to them.
    Fish, can you get these dipshits to go back to their own lame site? This is OUR lame site!!

  30. @73-thats what I love about you Papa. The educational factor. Your like, “All Discovery Channel All the Time”

    p.s. Send pics.

  31. p0nk

    very interesting. i’m curious what i’ve done to piss off the entire ferret clan.
    Office Whore, meet the AFJ clan.

  32. deaconjones


    you hit the nail on the head, or is it NAIL ON THE HEAD?

    Were you one of the 80% of girls in college who thought they were going to become a psychologist with a degree from the local community college?

  33. p0nk is a clever and interesting person and the Fish is lucky to have him as a poster. And he is tres manly!

    Elton’s Lover has seen all, knows all and sometimes does all. ;-)

  34. @78–

    Fuck off. We were here before Ferret, and outlasted him in every way. Ferret’s gone, deal.

  35. The superfish isn’t making us go anywhere. More clicks more money.

  36. Pinky_Nip is fucking killing me today…

    #63 – The only things fat on those two are the sets of DDs their bras mysteriously contain. Oh, and my cock in their asses.

    Lay off of p0nk people, he’s one of the very few funny people left here.


  37. BaconMessiah

    @72 – It wasn’t me. I’m a target of convenience. They must have been attacking themselves too much recently. Or not enough.

  38. @81 –

    It ain’t all about you.

  39. Yea, the only thing left of Ferret around here is his wife….LOL

  40. Hello, Office Whore! Ummmm yeah, just so you know. p0nk is OURS not YOURS high school girl. Frankly, you know nothing about him. If you wish to have the fight of cats, I can diddly do that.

  41. Question answered here today

    Can bitches synchronize their menstrual cycles over the internet?

  42. Karen

    85- not gonna happen dumbass. You’re annoying as hell. You and your clan of tards are, well, fantastically retarded.

  43. I am not a Ferret Girl. I’m a Breck girl.

  44. @92–

    Annoying as hell? Then we’ve succeeded. Thanks.

  45. Karen, that doesn’t even make sense.

  46. Laura

    93. we don’t fucking care, douche.

  47. Papahotnuts

    Richport- I wasn’t attacking ponk, I was joking with him. I remember when he had a sense of humor, and a loaf of bread was a nickel. C’mon man, if I can’t joke with a cat about teabagging, then what’s left? Chicken crossing the road jokes? OK Fine.
    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

    A: To see me teabag Ponk.

    JUST KIDDING. For fuck’s sake, I shouldn’t have to explain myself to my fake internet friends.

  48. I swear it’s like kicking dead puppies around here… I mean sure it’s fun the first 30 or 40 times, but after a while they just start to stain your shoes.


  49. @92 – REALLY???? THANK YOU! *happy dance*

  50. El-COyote

    So Ben Stiller added to the “don’t see his movies” list…

    Wait… Already on there. Gravy….

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