Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner Called Off Their Divorce

“Say the words again.”
“I won’t fackin’ vape in the driveway listenin’ to fackin’ Linkin Pahk.”
“And?”
“Gahd, fine… Your name’s naht Chahleen, Chahleen. — I mean, ah, fack! My face!”

On Monday, I posted that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez might be back together. Yesterday, Photo Boy heavily insinuated a dude at Jennifer Garner’s church was giving her the sweet moobless sexing that’s been missing from her life. So naturally today Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner announced they called off their divorce because you really shouldn’t believe a goddamn thing we say here. Seriously, don’t ever do that. PEOPLE reports:

Though the actors, both 44 — who announced their separation back in June 2015 — aren’t back together, they have decided to keep working on their marriage after going through a recent rough patch that nearly led to a permanent split.
“Jen has called off the divorce,” a source close to Garner tells PEOPLE in the latest issue. “She really wants to work things out with Ben. They are giving things another try.”
But a source close to the couple says it was a decision they both made: “There is always a chance of reconciliation. They love each other. They also really, really love their kids, and those kids love their parents.”

I give it about three days until this happens:

ben affleck jennifer garner
“Ben, what are you-“
“Ah, c’mahn. ‘It’s Been A While’ by fackin’ Staind is playin’. It’s been a while since you fackin’- ah, fack! My fackin’ face! How are you fackin’ kickin’ me in the fackin’ cah, you fackin’ ninja?!”

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