Who’s This New Happy-Go-Lucky Ben Affleck? I Don’t Like It

Considering I now know that Ben Affleck is struggling with alcoholism, and these are photos of a dad genuinely trying to improve himself to be a happier, better man for his kids, I really should let these go. However, I also know that I joked yesterday that Ben Affleck would start yucking it up with the paparazzi instead of looking like he hopes to fackin’ Gahd one of them shoots him in the fackin’ face right fackin’ here right fackin’ now. I love being right is the point here. It’s – *kisses fingertips* – the zest of life.

Anyway, we all know why we’re here:

“Ah, gee, fellas, just takin’ the fackin’ kids to fackin’ karate. How ya fackin’ doin’? Hey, ya know who’s a fackin’ good fahthah? Fackin’ Mahk Wahlberg. He doesn’t even jerk ahf or nothin’. It’s fackin’ incredible. I heard he stahpped 9/11. Anywho, you guys want to sit in the cah and fackin’ rahk out to fackin’ P.O.D.? I listen to that Christian shit now on account of the drinkin’. But it still fackin’ rahk’s though, and it drives fackin’ Chahleen up the fackin’ wahl. So ya know, that’s good enough for me. Let’s fackin’ tear it up.”

♫ BOOM… Here comes the… BOOM… Haha, how you like me now? ♫

“Fackin’ tight, right? Kids, stop coverin’ your fackin’ ears. Ya making daddy look bad.”

♫ BOOM… Here comes the… BOOM… ♫

“Whoo! Fackin’ livin’ LIFE! Gahddamit, you’re naht bleedin’ from the fackin’ ears, Violet. Lemme see. — Oh, shit, I am gettin’ fackin’ punched tonight. Fellas, gotta roll. Tomarrah. We’ll fackin’ tear it up tomarrah.”

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Tags: Ben Affleck