‘Batman V Superman: Ultimate Edition’ Has A Trailer For Some Reason

“Here are the rules: 1. You will bleed. 2. You will bleed. 3. If our moms have the same name, I’ll cry like a little bitch then fall in love with you. 4. You will bleed.”
“Wait, what was that mom stuff?”
“Uh, my robot voice broke. BLEED!”

Hi, did you like Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice? Did you wish it had 30 more dour shitshow minutes of the most dickish interpretations of Batman and Superman ever written? Well, good news, the R-Rated Ultimate Edition is only a few weeks away and it’s jam-packed full of such exciting moments as Ben Affleck taking a shower but without a dick shot like in Gone Girl (Or maybe…), Superman talking to elderly people on the street, and Jena Malone in a wig not playing anyone cool like the internet said she was. And if you think any of this will help the movie make a goddamn lick of sense, probably not, says cinematographer Larry Fong.

What an endorsement! Says moron who’s still going to get half all the way drunk and watch this alone. Like a boss.

And now for Ben Affleck’s take:

ben affleck crying running mascara vaping
♫ How does it feel? Tell me, how does it feel? To treat me like you do… ♫

(Totally the Orgy version. Totally.)

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Photo: YouTube