Here’s what we know about Ryan Dunn‘s death:
1. He was drinking. Heavily.
2. He got behind the wheel of a Porsche with a passenger in the car.
3. He drove at speeds believed to be around 100 mph down a rural Pennsylvania road.
4. He has a history of DUI.
Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive.
Pretty reasonable statement considering Ryan Dunn could’ve – and actually did – kill someone. Except Bam Margera is upset now thanks to the “millions” of Jackass fans/sycophants who made it abundantly clear that shoving a toy car up your anus and stapling your nuts is an excuse to drive like a murderous fuckhole:
- I just lost my best friend, I have been crying hysterical for a full day and piece of shit roger ebert has the gall to put in his 2 cents
- About a jackass drunk driving and his is one, fuck you! Millions of people are crying right now, shut your fat fucking mouth!
Look, to Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn’s legitimate friends and family, it has to unbelievably suck to lose someone you care about because he made a epically shitty decision that miraculously didn’t end in innocent bystanders dying. To you, my sincere condolences for your loss. Now, to Bam again, and the disturbing examples of blind celebrity worship who’ve flooded the Internet with crocodile tears because Ryan seemed “so nice” in heavily edited entertainment products or your roommate “so totally partied at Bam’s house one time” or you live in West Chester, etc., go fuck yourselves. Instead of being behind the wheel of a Porsche, if Ryan Dunn had ran down the street randomly firing a gun, which is basically what he did, would you still sit there and go, “But he was so funny!” I don’t care if you’re Blake Lively or the stockboy at Walmart, anytime you decide, drunk or sober, to put innocent people’s lives at risk to make your hot-shit car go “vroom,” some form of Darwinism takes place when you’re removed from the gene pool. On that note, if you came to this site expecting me to actually coddle a “celebrity” who could’ve killed some poor sap coming home from work, or your own family getting back late from vacation, you came to the exact wrong place, and the door’s right over there. (If it’s stuck, try jiggling the handle.)
Photo: Splash News