Balloon Boy’s parents are in some shit

October 18th, 2009 // 75 Comments

Falcon Heene, now known as Balloon Boy until the day he dies, might be getting a new mommy and daddy. His parents Richard and Mayumi Heene are facing charges of conspiracy, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and false reporting to authorities after the Sheriff’s department raided their home last night to determine if the Balloon Boy fiasco was a hoax. It was. MSNBC reports:

“It has been determined that this is a hoax, that it was a publicity stunt and we believe we have evidence at this point to indicate that this was a publicity stunt in hopes to better market themselves for a reality show,” Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden told reporters at a press conference.
Deputies searched the home of the boy’s parents Saturday night, carrying away several boxes and a computer.
“Needless to say they put on a very good show for us,” Alderden said during the news conference Sunday. He said the first clues of the hoax came during the family’s interview by Wolf Blitzer on CNN Thursday night. The young boy said “you said we did this for a show” when asked why he didn’t come out of his hiding place.
Falcon got sick during two separate TV interviews Friday when asked again why he hid.

Since the incident, Robert Thomas, a former assistant of Richard Heene’s, gave an interview to Gawker that revealed Falcon’s dad was planning to use a UFO-like weather balloon to generate publicity for a reality show which he would then use to warn the masses about lizard people. I’m not even joking:

But he was motivated by theories I thought were far-fetched. Like Reptilians — the idea there are alien beings that walk among us and are shape shifters, able to resemble human beings and running the upper echelon of our government. Somehow a secret government has covered all this up since the U.S. was established, and the only way to get the truth out there was to use the mainstream media to raise Richard to a status of celebrity, so he could communicate with the masses.
As the weeks progressed, his theories got more and more extreme and paranoid. A lot of it surrounded 2012, and the possibility of there being an apocalyptic moment. Richard likes to talk a lot about the possibility of the Sun erupting in a large-scale solar flare that wipes out the Earth. It got to the point where he was really pressing me, saying we’re running out of time, we’re running out of time, the end of the world is coming. And we have to take necessary precautions to make sure that we’re not among the majority that’s going to be killed.

At this point we can only wait and see how much more batshit shoots out of this situation, but it’s safe to assume there’ll be charges coming for Jon Gosselin. No, seriously, I wondered how he could be so stupid to steal $200,000 from his joint account with Kate and now I realize it was to fund this entire debacle so he’d no longer look like the most retarded dad in America and women would want to touch his penis again. Occam’s razor, people.

EDIT: In case anybody missed it on Thursday, posted the Heene boy’s “Not Pussified” video after the jump. These kids are going to grow up awesome.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Does anyone know what the criminal penalties for this guy are expected to be? What about his wife?

  2. Reptiles are indeed evil. Don’t believe me? Click the link above and you’ll see. Should be safe for work, unless you work for some kind of fascist organization.

  3. Walter

    If I didn’t know better, I would say that Bai Ling was the kid’s mom.

  4. Jesse

    I think they should charge the kid. He looks like an asshole giving that thumbs-up. Plus, he’s rockin’ a pretty sweet LEGO toupee.

  5. what an ugly family

  6. interviewer to balloon boy: “How many times has your dad touched you down there?”

  7. ME09

    hoax or not thank god the kiddo is ok ..what if it wasnt a hoax? hopefully it was!!!!!!

  8. ME09

    hoax or not thank god the kiddo is ok ..what if it wasnt a hoax? hopefully it was!!!!!!

  9. Erica

    LOL, #3. Spot on.

  10. Truth Doctor

    The police are owned by NBC Universal. They’re just getting revenge for the poor kid giving his opinion of the Today show on live tv. An opinion most people share.

  11. miau

    haha a gossip writer knowing what occams razor is. not bad, not bad at all :)

  12. NxIxCxKxMxAxN

    #7 shutup

  13. O'Roughly factor

    Looks like the little Asian have hitched her wagon to the wrong star…

  14. CRICK

    Somehow I knew SW was going to slip Jon and Kate in there.

  15. OK, stop laughing. There are indeed lizard people but they aren’t shape-shifters and they don’t walk among us. The Earth is hollow and it is within the Earth where they live. UFO’s are not from outer space but are in fact lizard people in their aircraft. The lizard people had a more technically advanced society than we do now before the meteor strike that wiped most of them out. They knew about the meteor ahead of time and escaped to the hollow Earth and survived.
    I hope this helps.

  16. OK, stop laughing. There are indeed lizard people but they aren’t shape-shifters and they don’t walk among us. The Earth is hollow and it is within the Earth where they live. UFO’s are not from outer space but are in fact lizard people in their aircraft. The lizard people had a more technically advanced society than we do now before the meteor strike that wiped most of them out. They knew about the meteor ahead of time and escaped to the hollow Earth and survived.
    I hope this helps.

  17. dashelli

    the dad resembles charlie sheen. just slightly.

  18. mfbinc

    he looks like the alien boy in the “Aerials” video by System of a Down

  19. Crocoduck

    What are the names of the other kids? Are they as stupid as “Falcon?”

  20. daisy138

    Heene’s just a David Icke follower. #11, you’re a pompous idiot – anyone who’s ever seen movies knows what Occam’s Razor is. You’re just impressed with yourself because you know what it is. The SW always uses obscure references and other things that show he’s obviously really smart.

  21. daisy138

    A misled David Icke follower I should say.

  22. mobu

    The dad’s story is a rip off of Whitley Streiber’s novel 2012:The War for Souls. If the douche bag is lucky, maybe Whit Streiber will sue his ass too.

  23. Craig

    Nah, the lizard people thing is the conspiracy du jour among your more fanciful batshit insane types.

  24. I think that

    I want to marry #4. Simply for the lego remark.

  25. joe blow

    Wow… I had no idea that Vulcans really existed!!!

  26. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    Enough with these loons. Was Kate or Jon Gosselin there? How about Kim Kardashian or Haley Glassman?

    I’m surprised those fame whores didn’t jump on a plane immediately to give commentary.

  27. Serious Scientific Investigator

    Why do you sheeple think they are remaking the television show “V”? It’s so the population can get used to the idea that there are lizard people among us and that they are our “friends”. This will make us much more pliable and easy to manipulate when they start to use us as food stock. Also there will be mind control waves transmitted through all HDTVs. They couldn’t do this before now because the mind control signal had to be digital. Now that the digital conversion is complete, the harvesting of humanity can begin. DUH! Hello?? WAKE UP PEOPLE! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!1

  28. Hugh Jorgan

    #12 – Choke on dick.

  29. Richport's Ghost

    I’m not going to kid you. I just rubbed one out to a picture of Bai Ling.

  30. Moises Goldberg

    #28 – Shit in your hat.

  31. Chickenhead

    This family is the prime example of why “reality” television needs to be killed, immediately. They did this whole “stunt” to get a fucking show…on TLC. Go to CNN, it’s on there. Once again TLC is responsible for dragging the IQ of the world down even FURTHER.

    People, stop watching this shit. No one fucking cares what anyone else is doing in their damn lives. Turn off your idiot boxes and go outside. Imagine meeting your neighbors without knowing every intimate detail about their “wacky” lives. Fact: Survivor ain’t real. Those people aren’t “suffering” or even scraping to survive. They’re just hamming it up for the camera. The fucking Kardashians are famous only because they are cam whores of the highest order…and YOU, yes YOU are the ones responsible for looking.

    In the words of Lisa Simpson and Paul Anka, “Just don’t look.” They’ll shrivel up and die faster than the wicked witch of the west.

  32. Hughie

    This is brilliant. You’re fucking famous now asshat!

  33. bob

    That arm is freaky.

  34. suzeeee

    Listen chickenhead. This has been awesome entertainmentt for me for the whole weekend! Do you know how hard it is to come up with costumes for 6 kids!!! My problem is solved! Deranged dad with box, alien sons, yoko ono mum and one kid can be the balloon. So backoff! and quit killing my fun!

  35. suzeeee

    Listen chickenhead. This has been awesome entertainmentt for me for the whole weekend! Do you know how hard it is to come up with costumes for 6 kids!!! My problem is solved! Deranged dad with box, alien sons, yoko ono mum and one kid can be the balloon. So backoff! and quit killing my fun!

  36. chinookB

    @27 I was wondering about the whole digital thing, and also the new V series. But I still want to watch it ;P

  37. name it for christ sake

    i see a future vh1 reallity for this little douche bag.

  38. that kids arm is on backwards.
    BURN IT WITH FIRE

  39. Love

    I agree with #5. Jacob…….what a fucking ugly family especially the fucking wife……GOSH I hate asian female so badly. I hope she goes to jail bitch

  40. Racist Fat Bastard

    Some people really shouldn’t breed ..

  41. What?

    I don’t understand what Jon Gosselin has to do with this story.
    I don’t understand why nobody else seems to be confused.
    Superficial staff, where y’at?

  42. Vaudey

    Well, at least we know who’s playing Spock in 20-30 years now…

  43. Fuck you balloon boy.

  44. DCMikeRotch

    So the parents are fame whores…is that why they make their kid look like Spock?

  45. Is this kid a MARTIAN?

  46. Danklin24

    Either way these people are going to get a shitload of publicity. It doesnt matter how they obtained it at this point. Think about it, Kanye West was a douchebag to Taylor Swift and people are still talking about it. Well played balloon freak.

  47. Sport

    Ya know what scares me? Robots.
    They eat old people’s medicine for fuel.

  48. jack

    suzee with the 6 kids ur priceless hahahahaha

  49. Anon

    WTH is this freakin’ alien kid doing with his left arm/hand?

    I think they should give Richard Heene a reality show. I think by now we all would love to see how his cellmates turn him into a prison bitch before the year is out.

  50. Mike

    Joint account/= stealing, retarded fish fucker, but these folks seem to be right up your left-wing alley.

    PRAISE THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE! LIBERALS!

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