‘Bachelor in Paradise’ Is The Truck Stop Bathroom of Reality TV

If you’re unfamiliar with Bachelor in Paradise, you probably have a Netflix, Hulu, Amazon (etc.) account and can watch quality programming that people give a shit about. You might even have a tendency to socialize with real people and maybe even like reading actual books – my point is that it’s a show for morons. Basic concept is this: take the barrel-scraping rejects from the Bachelor/Bachelorette programs that would blow a horse for fame and throw them in a cheap, all-you-can-drink Mexican resort and watch them grapple for screen time. There are arbitrary games and contests to determine who gets to sleep with whom, the occasional drunken meltdown, and shameless vaginal bloodsport. Quintessentially, it’s watching America roll in its own pig-slop and it has like four or five seasons already if that says anything…

The latest blah blah blah is that a producer has thrown a wrench into the production cogs after seeing footage of two contestants, DeMario Jackson and Corinne Olympios, blowing each other in a hot tub after the first day of shooting. Of course, the cameras were rolling while they proceeded to get progressively black-out drunk on cheap tequila, progressively more touchy-feely, progressively more naked in a nearby hot tub, and progressively more vagina to mouth like a sloppy sorority girl imitating an alien facehugger.

You might be thinking, “what the fuck did they expect?” or maybe even, “this seems like a reality TV home run, why would a producer have a problem?” Turns out the producer is suing for misconduct, they apparently didn’t expect anyone to get drunk and shove their vagina in someone’s mouth on Bachelor in Paradise.

Of course we could also just be perpetuating the shitcycle of this kind of entertainment by talking about it in the first place. As of now, the show’s production is in the garbage – everyone’s been sent home, but I’ll be goddamned if they don’t salvage this footage. You can’t say that there are tapes and then not show tapes. Especially when someone making that claim sits in a high enough position to know whether or not tapes exist. Is the president Are the producers lying that they caught it on tape in the first place? Sounds like DeMario Jackson and Corinne Olympios could benefit from what is on those tapes, so why brush them to the side?

What do you think about it, Mikey?

mike pence2

*Reminds me of Mother and I’s honeymoon in Gettysburg, PA. We made whoopie atop Culp’s Hill. It was ignited, family.*