I was going to start this post with some sort of clever quip about how getting laid immediately fills a man with a certain bravado that 100% of the time leads to him making horrible fucking decisions. But then I remembered Axl Rose has been crazy for a really long time and already hinted he wouldn’t attend the induction ceremony for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because he think he’s Marlon Brando. No, really:
“I think about it in terms of Marlon Brando getting up at the Academy Awards and talking about Indians … or when Michael Moore got up at the Academy Awards and said whatever about George Bush. People don’t want that associated with their awards shows, even if you have a big audience. In one way it might be right, but it usually backfires on whoever does it. So I really don’t want to spoil it for everybody else — and take the beating.”
So, of course, yesterday he sent an open letter to The LA Times (Definitely worth the read.) explaining to the Hall of Fame why he will not only skip the ceremony but doesn’t even want his name inducted and nobody better make a goddamn speech in his place because he’s Mustache Magoo, Martyred Saint of Pompous Assbaggery:
I strongly request that I not be inducted in absentia and please know that no one is authorized nor may anyone be permitted to accept any induction for me or speak on my behalf. Neither former members, label representatives nor the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame should imply whether directly, indirectly or by omission that I am included in any purported induction of “Guns N’ Roses”.
This decision is personal. This letter is to help clarify things from my and my camp’s perspective. Neither is meant to offend, attack or condemn. Though unfortunately I’m sure there will be those who take offense (God knows how long I’ll have to contend with the fallout), I certainly don’t intend to disappoint anyone, especially the fans, with this decision. Since the announcement of the nomination we’ve actively sought out a solution to what, with all things considered, appears to be a no win, at least for me, “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” scenario all the way around.
In regard to a reunion of any kind of either the Appetite or Illusion lineups, I’ve publicly made myself more than clear. Nothing’s changed.
Probably my favorite thing about this letter is how many times Axl Rose references his “camp” which I’m almost positive is a trashcan that Oscar the Grouch pops out of but only Axl can see during his naps in the back alley he now calls home.
AXL: What do you think, Oscar? Should I be the bigger man and do it?
OSCAR: Burn their children in their sleep.
AXL: On it.
That said, after Courtney Love claiming Dave Grohl tried to fuck Kurt Cobain vis a vis Frances Bean’s vagina, Britney Spears getting paid $15 million to judge X Factor and pretty much anything out of Mel Gibson‘s mouth at this point, this is actually the sanest thing I’ve read all day. So, congratulations, Axl Rose, you’re officially less crazy than a violent anti-Semite, a junkie on Twitter and a burden of the state who legally can’t have a checkbook. Who knew this day would finally come?
Photos: Getty, INFdaily