Avril Lavigne is weak

June 14th, 2006 // 85 Comments
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superficial

  1. libtard

    First?

  2. RichPort

    She’s puny, so he can’t be that tall either. And she seems to outweigh him, not gangsta. Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard, only not as creative.

  3. perfectanglovesgodlol

    wow for avril saying that she didnt care about desinger clothes and bags she sure has a lot of luis vuitton

  4. outtatheblue

    Finally, something for Hilary Duff and Avril to bond over.

  5. perfectanglovesgodlol

    ok so maybe one luisvuitton thought i sawore but hey give me a break im on drugs :)

  6. jane's eyre

    Uh, maybe he’s being a GENTLEMAN and carrying her luggage for her? I don’t know who this guy is, but if he offered to carry her luggage, then good on him.

  7. pinky_nip

    They look like they should be working at Hot Topic.

    In other news, who the fuck cares?

  8. slickwilliejr

    that purse looks like it could store a mexican family of 40 in it.

  9. perfectanglovesgodlol

    i ment saw more like i said im on drugs and the good kind :)

  10. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’m starting to feel like the Superficial headquarters, a grandiose office building with a huge neon sign I’m sure, is based in Saskatoon, Canada. Because that’s where exiting stories like these are fresh n’ hot, hot, Hot off the press.
    Other than that, I’d hit it.

  11. CoJo

    Are these two effing hobbits? WTF? Aside from not having all that much talent, at least they can say that they are the most famous little people in the world (for the next five minutes anyway)

    I’d rather look at Mariah Carey’s fat ass taking a poop than Deryck Whibley any day. What a strange looking little guy…

  12. cricket0995

    Are they engaged?? Looks like she’s got quite a rock on her finger.

  13. Eh, not impressed. She’s less annoying these days, but only because she’s not putting out god-awful music.

    http://www.wehateeverybody.com

  14. CoJo

    It’s not that the rock is that big, it’s that her little person’s fingers are so small.

  15. cruzin333

    Is it just me, or is he REALLY STRUGGLING with those bags? His arms look like they might snap like toothpicks!

  16. matt2585

    He’s 5’5″.

    They are engaged.

    He used to date Paris Hilton. What does that say about Avril, that a guy can go from Paris to Avril in one move?

    Did his parents really write the name “Deryck” on his birth certificate, or did he do that to himself later in life?

  17. PapaHotNuts

    Wow, she must feel good to know that if she were attacked, this guy could really defend her. If they were attacked by an infant, or maybe a parakeet. Yea, that guy could probably kick a parakeet’s ass. If the parakeet only had one wing and was still in a cage. And blind, or already dead.

  18. matt2585

    He’s like a short… whoever that kid is on One Tree Hill. The popular one, not the snobby one. Anyway, Deryck looks like him, only smaller.

  19. I found Avril Lavigne passed out under a bridge at 31st and Main, and two hobos were taking turns urinating on her. I’m pretty sure it was her, because she smelled like a Canadian and was muttering the lyrics to “sk*er boi” while crying. And she had black nail polish on and nobody cared who the fuck she was.

    Yeah, it was probably her.

  20. reptilicus

    The headline should read:

    Avril Lavigne is a stupid cunt that no one cares about anymore

    There. Next story please.

  21. jane's eyre

    16

    Ha ha, I knew a guy once who spelled his name Geph (for his “stage” name). Yeah. That’s right.

    We’re not friends anymore.

  22. bluemalibu

    Maybe it’s just the snaggle teeth, but I think Avril looks alot like a German Shepard. More so before all the bleach, but she’s very Rin Tin Tin.

    Arf.

  23. Dr.Rokter

    If you kicked the shit out of him and stole the adhesive Care Bears tattoo off his left arm, would that mean you had to carry her bags in his place?

  24. Jacq

    To her credit, Avril is lugging around that GINORMOUS rock.

    He looks like a total pussy trying to even lift that bag. He should have just pushed the suitcase down the steps.

  25. chanel_bear

    somebody needs to show avril the positive correlation between her look getting more “girly and designer”, and her declining record sales. somebody should also tell her she’s ugly.

  26. BigJim

    Hey, quit ragging on the way Canadians smell.

    If all you ever ate was seal meat then you’d smell funny too. And my polar bear underpants are dryclean only, so I only change them once a week.

  27. MrWonderPants

    Shit – now OshGosh owns “Hot off the press”.

    My high school buddies and I are still mourning the loss of “word on the street”.

  28. BigJim

    I look at that guys arms and I think he’s on the “Body by Smack” fitness program.

  29. jennifer11

    she looks as if she is smelling a particularly gruesome fart, doesn’t she?

    ~j.

  30. reptilicus

    OMG!11111111 im frum canaduh. i smell liek fish adn beer!1 LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!11111

    ROTFNWCA!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111111*

    * rolling on the floor naked with clay aiken

  31. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    27 – Hey, Mr Wonder Pants, you can’t say “high school buddies”, I own that too.

  32. jane's eyre

    23
    That tattoo DOES look awfully florescent, doesn’t it?

  33. reptilicus

    P.S. was it these hobos that were pissing on her? (NSFW)

    http://themot.org/gallery/d/3918-1/BumLove.jpg

  34. she used to be hot…what the hell happened!!!

  35. chanel_bear

    #26

    Way to go BigJim, sticking up for us Canadians!

    Though I don’t like seal much….I prefer Moose.

  36. RichPort

    I hope they do not marry. Unless of course they move to the African jungle where those Pygmy people live. Little people have little kids who grow up to have height complexes, and are generally extremely short acheivers. I don’t want my tax dollars paying for therapy for yet another damn foreigner.

  37. PapaHotNuts

    Is that Neil Patrick Harris?

    I’m kidding. There is no way I would insult NPH. NPH is a god.

  38. Fisher55

    on one tree hill, who’s the Popular One and the Snobby One?

    In my book Lucas is the girly one and Nathan is the fugly one

  39. Fawlty

    My God, this is a boring “story”. It would be more interesting to hear more about this dwarf convention they’re going to, than just see them leave for it.

  40. sweetcheeks

    NO, those WEREN’T the hobos!!! That was my grandfather and my uncle and some dude I don’t know. And I don’t want to talk about it. And where the hell did you find that picture?

    Also, why would one assume that “smelling like a Canadian” is a bad thing? Canadians smell nice, like pine trees and dark beer.

    Except for Celine Dion, who smells like diarrhea. Because of her firecrotch. She doesn’t count.

  41. reptilicus

    My God. Now that would be a story I would enjoy reading about on the Superficial…

    ‘Celine Dion has explosive diarrhea while shopping’

  42. Pfft… She could probably afford two of ‘em.

    She looks kinda constipated. That or the sun’s in her eyes… but I like to think of her little dung bunker. That’s me.

  43. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    It’s not that Canadians smell bad – it’s their pointy eyes and bobble-heads and tiny, tiny penises that piss me off.

  44. Chicagoboy

    Those Canadians better not even fart or we will come up there and kick their Canuck asses! And most of them are half-French so you know they’ll roll over and surrender the first chance they get.

  45. superstar26

    Wow she is a snot.

    Paris Hilton carries her own bags.

    http://www.notinamillionyears.com

  46. reptilicus

    “And most of them are half-French so you know they’ll roll over and surrender the first chance they get.”

    U FAIL

  47. Jacq

    #45 – You have to carry your own bags when they’re under your eyes.

  48. tits_on_snack

    On the top of the list of reasons why Avril Lavigne is a douche, is the fact that in every single one of her music videos there’s some dude approaching her and she pushes him.

    “Wait, I know. In this video, I want like, a guy, and he comes up to me and starts hitting on me, like, right in front of his girlfriend, and like, I shove him away!!!”

    In other news there’s that ugly designer bag. I’m pretty sure “designer” is a euphamism for “ridiculously bulky and hideous”.

  49. waterranger

    haha smells like a canadian. I’m a canadian, and I can attest that Canadians ALSO smell like maple syrup :)

    I once had an american tell me that I looked american, and she was impresses that I spoke English so well. Seriously, I am Canadian, not a friggin ESKIMO.

  50. waterranger

    Oh, and I am ashamed that Avril Lavigne is Canadian.

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