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Posted on Jul 18th, 2012
re: Kristen Stewart Takes Her Implants To Comic-Con. Allegedly. (6 comments)

Big smile, eyes still dead …

Posted on Feb 21st, 2012
re: 'Happy Birthday, Mr. President...' (59 comments)

Marilyn Monroe was simply charming, a sparkling beauty with tremendous sexual charisma. She wasn’t much of a dramatic actress (she never could have done Ibsen, or even her husband Arthur Miller’s work), but she was fantastic in screwball comedies. With the right director at the helm (like Billy Wilder), her deft, light touch really came through. And men like Wilder knew how to deploy her emotional fragility and pathos to best effect on the screen.

Stodden? Not a tenth of Monroe’s beauty, not a twentieth of the humor (unless it’s her intention to make us all laugh at her, which I doubt), and not a hundredth of the sex appeal. I understand why so many starlets want to be seen as Monroe, but Monroe was one-of-a-kind. Starlets are everywhere. And skanks like Stodden are a dime a dozen.

Posted on Feb 15th, 2012
re: When Doug eats, it's "Saucy Sexy Lips Session" time. (29 comments)

Photo taken two minutes before the owner of the boat showed up and screamed at them to get back to work: “Those barnacles aren’t going to scrape themselves!”

Jeebus, talk about low rent. 70s decor, beat-up tables and chairs, scratched floor, and a whole lot of empty tables and chairs for an audience. You can see the parking lot in the background; they’re obviously at some strip mall joint. Not a bad thing per se — I’ve had some great food at hole-in-the-wall places — but if they’re determined to market themselves (or Courtney, at least) as “classy,” they’re going to have to make more of an effort.

It’s for whoever will look. I don’t think either one of these pathetic losers has the intelligence to create or follow any sort of actual plan for success. At this point, it’s all about “Look at me! Look at me!” and hope that someone, anyone, pays attention. “Target audience” is beside the point.

Posted on Nov 28th, 2011
re: Courtney Stodden Is A Good Christian Woman (87 comments)

Love the Twitter responses. “Wtf is wrong with you? Obviously dropped on your head a few times as a baby.” “I’m really starting to think you have some kind of illness. Do you think sex talk followed by scripture is entertaining?”

Posted on Nov 16th, 2011
re: Joseph Gordon-Levitt Learns Cancer Is The New Marine Corps Ball (44 comments)

Leave the poor alpacas alone! What’d they ever do to you? Go with llamas; everyone knows they’re total freaks.

I enjoy reading this blog. This marks the first time I’m PROUD to read this blog. Well stated, sir.

Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011
re: Courtney Stodden Is So Fresh-Faced And Alive (112 comments)

For the first time, I believe she’s 17, or at least a lot younger than we all thought. And I can also find it in myself to feel sorry for her. What with Mom pimping her out at the earliest opportunity to some skeevy has-been, and her new “daddy” encouraging her in her whoredom, it’s fairly obvious the girl — yes, girl — never stood a chance. In about ten years, she’s going to be dead inside.

Posted on Nov 3rd, 2011
re: Courtney Stodden Is So Fresh-Faced And Alive (112 comments)

My german shepherd has hip dysplasia and arthritis, poor thing. But she’s pretty old. Oh, wait –