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Posted on Apr 17th
re: The Crap We Missed - Wednesday 4.16.14 (32 comments)

“…and lastly on Access Hollywood tonight, we have some sad news to report. One of Hollywood’s most enduring couples have apparently called it quits. It looks like the statuesque Zuul, The Gatekeeper of Gozer, aka “The Minion of Gozer” and the original bad boy of keymasters himself, Vinz Clortho, have agreed to part ways. Rumors of Zuul’s infidelity surfaced when tabloids photographed her and another famous keymaster, Lloyd Dobler, frolicking in the surf of St Martin just this past November. When reached for comment, Vinz Clortho replied simply that: “her dead behind eyes, nothing in common now. separation amicable, I keep terror dogs.”
I’m Billy Bush signing off, good night.”

Posted on Aug 1st, 2013
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 8.1.13 (17 comments)

“I want Bitty.”
“No.”
“But I’m hungry.”

Posted on Jun 21st, 2013
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 6.20.13 (10 comments)

Madonna attends Bubba Deen’s wedding and adopts a waiter.

Posted on May 20th, 2013
re: Ke$ha Thinks She's Gwyneth Paltrow (34 comments)

Someone tell Jamie Kennedy that this schtick is getting tired.

Posted on Apr 26th, 2013
re: The Crap We Missed - Friday 4.26.13 (18 comments)

I fahhht in your general direction!

Posted on Apr 10th, 2013
re: Brad Paisley & LL Cool J Will Solve Racism Now (19 comments)

Meh, sounds like an updated version of African Child.

Posted on Apr 1st, 2013
re: Khloe Kardashian Flashes Her Spanx (9 comments)

“FEED ME SEYMOUR!”

Posted on Feb 28th, 2013
re: The Crap We Missed - Wednesday 2.27.13 (45 comments)

It’s like he fell into Perez Hilton’s super gay closet and then walked back out with confidence.

Confused again.
-Sincerely,
John Mayer’s Dick

you know the sound that a bull dog’s cheeks make when they flap in the wind while the pup has it’s head out of a car window? That’s the same sound coming from Brent Mushburger’s bathroom right now. “WHO DO I HAVE TO TONGUE PUNCH AROUND HERE TO GET SOME GOD DAMN LANACANE?!?!? BETTY EFFING WHITE?”