re: The Whole World Has Pics of Kate Middleton and Prince William Doing Naked Stuff (45 comments)
I’ll get right on publishing the pics only an Italian magazine has and hasn’t published yet. Let me just hop into my little jet here and fly on over there to get them. And perhaps while I’m in the air, I’ll convince the Royal Family to stop suing everyone’s dick’s off, starting with people who don’t even own the copyrights to the pics in the first place and are just posting illegal scans. I’m sure they’ll work with me.
re: Donna D'Errico Fell Off A Mountain Trying To Find Noah's Ark. No, Really. (121 comments)
Yes, Tom, you’re right.
Actually, it’s pronounced “mill-e-wah-que” which is Algonquin for “the good land.” Bible minimalists have discovered that the kingdoms Joshua supposedly conquered did not exist during the old testament’s time frame.
re: Joe Paterno's Wins Vacated From The Record Books, Statue Pulled Down (154 comments)
My only beef with this entire Penn State debacle is blind hero worship. I live in PA and have been watching people around me do everything from mental gymnastics to straight up putting their hands over their ears and going “LA LA LA LA” because Joe Paterno won a bunch of football games. And then to turn around and call allowing a child rapist to rape more kids for years as “so he made one mistake” is fucking asinine beyond belief. You let kids get raped, I don’t care if you coached football for 100 years to perfection and built 20 children’s hospitals, you fucked up. If you sacrificed innocence out of fear of tarnishing your legacy, you immediately failed the most basic test for being a decent human being.
re: The Olsen Twins Just Had To Kill Heath Ledger:
A Review Of 'The Dark Knight Rises' (119 comments)
This is hands-down the best defense/explanation of the movie I’ve read in the past 24 hours and I’ve been going through any review I can get my hands on. Seriously, thank you.
I really want to watch it again devoid of the baggage of expectations, Colorado, waiting to see how Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard are going to have their big reveals, etc.
re: The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 2.30 (5 comments)
I pull comments from the FB page, too:
re: Oh, Sweet, Adrianne Curry's At Comic-Con. I Bet She Wore Something Hot- WHAT THE (35 comments)
“They don’t mention Aardvarks in the bible either.”
Right, because a small, furry creature that looks like all the other small, furry creatures running around is the exact same thing as a massive thunder lizard the size of a building that eats people. I can see a book full of spiritual and cultural instructions leaving that part out.
“‘And thou shall be warned not to go near the cave of the scaled, man-eating beast…’ You know what? Fuck it. Not important. ‘BEWARE OF GAYS! For they shall gay you with you their gay beams…’ Ah, yeah, that’s the stuff.”
Also, yes, I did make a similar joke in this post. I’m my own worst hack:
re: Doug Stanhope Wins 'Best Advice Given To Daniel Tosh Advice About This Rape Joke Nonsense' (120 comments)
early Dennis Leary Bill Hicks who Denis Leary ripped off for “No Cure For Cancer,” Artie Lange, Stanhope, Jimmie Norton. Those guys are what I%u2019d consider ‘comics.’”
Fixed that for you.
re: So Brad Pitt's Mom's Kind Of A Homophobe (141 comments)
^ Nailed it.
re: The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 2.26 (17 comments)
“Posting too quickly” issue is being poked at right now. I figured out what’s causing it just waiting on people whose skills exceed “write cock jokes” to fix.
re: Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen Named America's Top Killer Muppet Fashion Designers (20 comments)
Mary-Kate Olsen Goes Brunette
(This was the only way I knew.)