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You know, everybody’s writing how Pimp Mama Kris is “concerned” that Kanye is going to drive the paps away but I call bullshit. PMK knows that the paps will follow a real celebrity even more if he’s mean to them ( they’re dysfunctional that way ). It’s only the fake celebrities that have to be nice.

No, what PMK is concerned about is that if all the paps are following Kanye and Kanye won’t follow the family… there goes the family business! And PMK has a lot of mouths to feed!

Well yeah all of that was true… but then he knocked up KK so.. you know…

Oooo.. you did it now, girl! Anna Wintour is going to hold you to this. At the next Oscars you’re going to be dressed by House of K-Mart.

And now I’m Googling “turtle penis”.

I love how even when she tries to appear as Humble Jane Doe she can’t fucking pull it off.
Goopy, honey, nobody in the audience has ever had *anybody* “scrambling for a razor”, much less *everybody*.

…with a chaser of meth

Do you know what the best thing about Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes is? Jamie Spears. Yes, Britney’s father is the only thing keeping Britney from leading this over-privileged and under-loved posse over the cliff. I don’t know what he has to do to keep her away from the golf clubs and hair clippers, but it’s working.

Wh-wh-whaaaat???
Now there’s a son?!?

And by “work with” he means “get blowjobs from”… which is why “borrowing stuff” is fine.

Oh okay. Here’s a list of things I “almost” did too:

1) Slept with Alexander Skarsgard
2) Won the lottery
3) Walked on the moon