Randy Cappuccino

I'm an adult with a real job who spends his time at work talking about what kind of poop Kim Kardashian makes. My favorite color is green. I have a cat named Vanessa Carlton. My left hand is a little bigger than my right, but only I notice it. I like to play board games, and I enjoy listening to disco music in the shower. I call blueberries "sweet beans" and pistachios "wood clams." I cry before sex. I cry during sex. I cry after- let's just say I cry a lot. If you're interested in going on a date with me and live in the continental United States, please message me on MySpace and we'll chat.

Read more from Randy Cappuccino

This Guy Is Directing The Freddie Mercury Movie Now: Hate Him at Your Leisure

Dexter Fletcher will now be directing that Queen biopic that’s been doomed from the jump. More »


Kate Winslet Isn’t Opening That Woody Allen Can of Worms Today

“I think on some level Woody is a woman…” More »


Courtney Stodden Dropped Her Cartoon Boobies Off in a Toys for Tots Bin

It’s the gift that keeps on giving (you coldsores every couple of months). More »


Fergie Was Friggungivin Furd a Speech ‘n Thanks Armie (She’s Drunk)

“Glarbah bagh Armie Hammer ACADEMY AAWARD garba-larb dahbble! Fruggaduh pluh buy my new album at Target.” -Drunk Fergie. More »


Today’s Links Brought to You by Dwight Gooden Covered in Strippers

Cocaine is a helluva drug… More »


Jessica Chastain’s Breasticles, How They Doing?

Let’s check in with Jessica Chastain’s chest because I have bills to pay. More »


Something’s Up With Travolta’s ‘Gotti’ Movie…

When the distributor bails 10 days before release, either somebody’s about to get exposed for unwanted dickplay or the movie is just utter dog shit… considering this is John Travolta I’m gonna call it an even split. More »


Australia Is Afraid Kim Kardashian’s Perfume Will Set Their Kangaroos on Fire

FexEx and other carriers won’t ship to certain areas of Australia because her liquid stink is being considered “hazardous materials.” More »


Shia LaBeouf Found Out Who Stole His Flag

If you’re wondering, the answer is yes—he’s still not getting the joke. More »


AHH! Oh, Sorry — It’s Just Pam Anderson

Pamela Anderson went to a party dressed as a cat lady or something a month after Halloween. How’s your day going? More »



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