Randy Cappuccino

I'm an adult with a real job who spends his time at work talking about what kind of poop Kim Kardashian makes. My favorite color is green. I have a cat named Vanessa Carlton. My left hand is a little bigger than my right, but only I notice it. I like to play board games, and I enjoy listening to disco music in the shower. I call blueberries "sweet beans" and pistachios "wood clams." I cry before sex. I cry during sex. I cry after- let's just say I cry a lot. If you're interested in going on a date with me and live in the continental United States, please message me on MySpace and we'll chat.

Read more from Randy Cappuccino

Scott Disick Just Made Christmas Really Weird for Lionel Richie

Scott Disick is giving off some Marky Mark in Fear vibes nowadays. More »

Some People Want to Cancel Matt Damon’s Cameo in ‘Ocean’s 8′

Matt Damon thinks there is a sexual harassment spectrum with different levels of badness — BURN HIM AT THE STAKE! More »

Val Fit ‘The Nike Girl’ Makes a Crappy Sandcastle

If you even want to call it a sandcastle… honestly it’s more of a sand-gloo. More »

Khloe Kardashian Wants You to Know She’s Actually Pregnant

We knew this months ago, but whatever… nothing matters anymore. More »

Lauren E. Hubbard Slangin’ Bikini Selfies

It’s an American tradition… More »

Justin Bieber Talking to Ex-Girlfriend About Jesus Lands Him in Doghouse

“Thou must spread the word of Christ to thine former booty calls.” —Bieber 6:21 More »

T.J. Miller Crossed the Wrong Trans Woman

Calling a trans woman a “weird, strange, terrible man” in an email? What’s the worst that could happen? (She released the email, this is the worst that could happen.) More »

Video: Alexis Ren Working Out in Underwear

More LOVE Magazine Advent stuff in the name of feminism. Today Alexis Ren squats the patriarchy in a thong. More »

Scott Disick Bought His Kid a Motorcycle for Christmas WTF

Nothing says “sorry I was gone all year getting drunk in France” like buying your 8-year-old a motorbike. More »

Leonardo DiCaprio Is Banging This Model Now

Let’s see… blonde, under 25, and an international modeling contract — yep… it all checks out! More »

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