Randy Cappuccino

I'm an adult with a real job who spends his time at work talking about what kind of poop Kim Kardashian makes. My favorite color is green. I have a cat named Vanessa Carlton. My left hand is a little bigger than my right, but only I notice it. I like to play board games, and I enjoy listening to disco music in the shower. I call blueberries "sweet beans" and pistachios "wood clams." I cry before sex. I cry during sex. I cry after- let's just say I cry a lot. If you're interested in going on a date with me and live in the continental United States, please message me on MySpace and we'll chat.

Read more from Randy Cappuccino

Lizzeth Acosta Dropped Her Keys in the Surf

Click here to find out if she found them (or just to see her butt). More »

Kindly Myers is Thirsty After Washing Ashore

Hydration is just as important for wannabe centerfolds as it is for professional athletes. More »

Tara Reid is Trotting off That Turkey

Feeling full? So is Tara Reid! More »

Demi Rose: Turkey Tits

Something to be thankful for: At least your drunk uncle who lives in Memphis didn’t bring her to your parents’ house for Thanksgiving dinner… More »

Danica Patrick is Quitting Racing, What The Hell Are We Gonna Do Now?

Now that Danica Patrick is retiring, I have one less reason to never watch Nascar and two more reasons to order Herbie Fully Loaded on Blu-ray. More »

Bill Clinton Kinda Tried to Bang Anna Nicole Smith Once

He also may have admitted to jerking off to a picture of her, but hey… Who’s keeping track around here? More »

Jennifer Lawrence and Darren Aronofsky Broke Up, If That Does Anything for You

Who would have thought that this mismatch would only last a year?

**everyone raises their hand** More »

So That Pixar Guy, EH?!

Considering the subject matter of 95% of recent posts about men in Hollywood, take a wild guess at why he’s voluntarily taken a leave of absence… More »

Nick Carter is the Worst and Was Accused of Rape (Again…)

“I could be your husband.” – 22-year-old Nick as he forcefully took a girl’s virginity. More »

Hot Links Brought to You by Olivia Wilde on a Paddle Board

Olivia Wilde on a paddle board is finally something that was not accused of any kind of sexual misconduct whatsoever. More »

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