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Oh, SW, you’re so naive. You see, the upskirt photo was almost a crime and a travesty of good taste because the person who did it is a universally hated douchebag. Footage of Miley masturbating through her skin-tight jeans is family-friendly because it appeared on wholesome & honest Good Morning America. See the difference?

I can’t *believe* I have to explain this to you.

SW, you have denied me my divine right as a full-blooded American male from viewing teenage ass-crack.

You will be hearing from my attorneys.