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She’s stunning, seriously.

And re: The Captain Incest thing: Listen, dudes drool over Olivia Wilde like she’s the last piece of bacon on earth and the broad looks like a tranny. Let us have a pass on this one, SW. LET US HAVE THIS.

I was totally a Vampire Diares fangirl. I remember when Buffy (the TV show, not the movie) came out and thinking, “I think someone’s read the Vampire Diaries…”

Rican, I am a clueless white gringo, so the joke made me laugh.

I’m going to try to work “fuck me in the salsa ass” into a conversation with a real, live person today.

Also, why do their heads look gigantic?

Ahhh the tween pop it couple. Ten bucks says she fucks one of her backup dancers and they break up, prompting him to pen a bunch of bitter songs about her that go platinum and launch his movie care– oh god, deja vu, I’ve said too much.

toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe

Or is that a con? I don’t even know. Either way, YOU’RE GETTIN” LAID!

You totally forgot the pro of when the chick is just pretending to want to fuck you because the guy she REALLY wants is busy banging some other chick. No strings attached sex for your dignity? HELLS YEAH.