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Posted on Apr 17th
re: Bryan Singer Accused of Raping, Drugging Teen Boy (55 comments)

But he has such nice eyes. Nothing screaming serial killer or child molester behind them at all. Just pure innocence. Bunny rabbits and maypoles and such.

Seriously, I’ve seen that look once before, but worse. It was a picture of Michael Jackson right before his trial ended, and he must have just been told he was going to win. It was gleeful evil. Gleevil, perhaps. To me it rivals that famous shot of Richard Ramirez in court, in terms of wordless utter malevolence.

Posted on Apr 16th
re: That's Heidi Klum Completely Topless (16 comments)

What if I like to think profound, quasi-religious thoughts about naked titties?

What then?

Posted on Apr 11th
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 4.10.14 (34 comments)

It will aim its poison at the mongoose’s eyes when it spits.

Posted on Apr 10th
re: Amanda Bynes' Mom Is A F*cking Idiot (47 comments)

Check her will. Actually, make sure she has a will. Either way, the safe bet is as things stand, her estate lands in her mother’s lap. One visit with a competent Estate Law attorney might well make her mother suddenly realize the extent of her daughter’s mental issues. Of course, she might leave everything to “that nice short man on the dragon show,” but my initial point remains valid.

Film a scene with Dinklage struggling to emerge from between those breasts like a puppy fighting his way free of two feather pillows, and Pop Culture can just freeze in a moment of pure attainment.

Posted on Apr 4th
re: Isn't Miley Cyrus Already A Porn Parody? (22 comments)

All I can see is one of those kinetic steel ball office toys with tiny boyish Disney whores attached, bouncing, bouncing, bouncing…

Posted on Apr 3rd
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 4.3.14 (16 comments)

“I could do it better…You know I could do it better…Someday I will do it better…”

Posted on Apr 3rd
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 4.3.14 (11 comments)

“I hear the blues a’ callin’…”

Posted on Apr 3rd
re: Lindsay Lohan Is Broke (Again) (22 comments)

“I’ll give you five million dollars for your virginity.”

Posted on Apr 3rd
re: James Franco Tried To Bang A 17-Year-Old (72 comments)

Statutory Performance Art.