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Did TLC not do background checks on any of these people? Mother of fuck!

On behalf of my childhood, thank you for every word of that last paragraph.

Posted on May 21st
re: The Crap We Missed - Tuesday 5.20.14 (20 comments)

I’m with Fish. Looks like hes drunk & trying to coyly grab get a few good squeezes in to make it to the mens room and play it off like its still sexy at his age to grab his junk. If the camera’s weren’t on him, he probably would have dropped trou right there on the beach.

Posted on Apr 10th
re: Amanda Bynes' Mom Is A F*cking Idiot (47 comments)

Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Her parents are the type of head-up-ass religious that goes to live in the Orange County bubble where you can get away with disbelieving everything science says while still enjoying the modern luxuries its brought us like psychiatric hospitals. This post was secretly about my own mommy issues. Carry on.

Posted on Apr 2nd
re: Katy Perry Really Knows How To Make Men Jealous (14 comments)

Its true that doing this will have no revenge effect on Senior Poop Fettish’s member, but our dear Ms. Unfamous Titless is seeking vengeance on a much harder to penetrate organ – his heart. Or in his case, that dark deep pit that girls like her are convinced must be hiding the ultimate treasure. Spoiler alert: its a trap, and likely connected to his ballsack!

Shit I forgot shes Jesus’s PR agents sister! They brought up Jeremy fricken Miller before her family connection? How is THAT not the center of her story?!

Posted on Mar 18th
re: Fred Phelps Is Dying (54 comments)

Even though you’re just the messenger, the voices in my head love you now for telling us this.

Hope I’m not being a buzz kill by getting all serious on you for a second (I promise to promptly go back to staring at barely legal celebrity tits right after I’m done typing this!), but I just really wanted to say thank you on behalf of myself and anyone else who was violated as a kid by someone like him. Reading the comments of everyone agreeing how fucked up he & people like him are is very healing for my many, many personalities. You understand me more than my last 3 therapists. Anywho, sap over, back to boobs.

Posted on Feb 21st
re: The Emma Stone Nude Selfie That's Not Emma Stone (20 comments)

Sadly, I conclude it can’t be her. The belly scars indicate surgery, likely a C-section or botched tummy tuck. And if Emma had anything close to those size tits to work with, she’d be showing as much as Selena Gomez & banging much trashier men.

Posted on Jan 28th
re: The Crap We Missed - Monday 1.27.14 (30 comments)

She’s actually just a cow that knows her angles, so I’d say more magician than angel.